Monday, July 16, 2012

Struggling at the moment.  Let's list then:

Hungry?  Possibly, haven't eaten that well considering all I'm craving is lovely sweetbreads.

Angry?  Maybe a bit, it appears I'm letting people who make choices that don't involve me or my little family affect me---{sarc}what? really your life doesn't revolve around me/us?  Which in turn means I need to get still and do some nurturing for my inner life... we've been extraordinarily busy doing, and I think my spirit is taking issue with the lack of simple being.  The Toddleator decided to wake when transferred from the vehicle upon arrival after dropping The Firstborn at gymnastics, and so my little solitude for the day has been sabotaged.  And, snagflabbit, I've got stuff to get done!

Lonely?  yes, perhaps.  I haven't been getting much quality time in with dear friends, just once this summer I can think of thus far, starting to feel like the summer is melting away and we haven't taken great advantage of the beauty around here.  Why though?  'cause we're aiming for that house...which hasn't happened yet...in turn frustration that this isn't on my timeline.  Struggling to keep momentum and energy around LOViNTee, pretty lonesome there, I need collaboration and input, and a well funded outlet for ideas.
And neglect of my inner spiritual life would generate loneliness, which is subtle and I don't always notice the effects until I find myself in the throes of gnashing teeth and wailing, asking, "what is wrong with me?!"

Tired? not really, given my strangely restful weekend.  Some ways though more sleep does not help me, I tend to use it as an escape.  In this case it's hard to tell though, I think my body is fighting something hence unusual (of late) sinus-ey, headache feeling, and slight ear pressure.

then there's Hormonal? uhm, possibly, but most likely not, timing would be off.  Exercise has been great the past couple of weeks as well.  Though yet another area where I'm feeling pressure to get on a training plan, but have yet to get a heart rate monitor which I believe to be the next evolution to my training (rather than RPE based plans)...so yet another amorphous holding pattern.

Achk.
I did sit outside with Littles for their lunch, listening to them patter about in the grass and make-believe all sorts of non-sensical fun.  There's a big purple chalk Happy Day on my patio.

WHAT IF everything will be okay?
Indeed.

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