Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Cat Snores

Really, I mean he really snores. Some nights when Porter chooses to sleep at the foot of the bed, both Gary and I have been awakened by the soft persistent noise. Lay there awake a few moments, listening hard, discerning whether or not Little Girl is awake upstairs? oh, no, it's just the cat snoring.

Yesterday, a slightly stormy afternoon. Fiona wanted to sit outside, she took her crocheted throw and sat on the Tuffo on the deck out back. After a while I joined her, it drizzled a bit, pit-pats on the impermeable blanket backing. We brought up the big side huddling under the green stripes, listening for Tha 'Under. Once or twice thunder rumbled above us or nearby, Fiona, grey eyes wide, ears perked, "Tha 'Under! Tha 'Under, Mama!" she quiets again, listening with her whole being. She takes great care to ensure all my appendages under the blank-tent, asking me if I'm cozy. Little Moment.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Love leaves behind much more than Death can take. That's what the pastor said today. {fair warning this is an emotional post} I ventured out on this beautiful day to attend the funeral of a friend. A woman I have known since we moved to Denver, 2, seemingly short, years ago. She was beautiful, adventurous, possessing an eclectic sense of humor, an infectious laugh, a gorgeous smile, and a childlike ability to bring joy wherever she went. She had found wondrous love in the past year, she had recently discovered she was to be a mother, she had spent the recent weekends with many friends that love her dearly.
She shot herself last Wednesday evening.

When I heard the terrible news on Thursday, "Why??" echoed over and over in my head.

This is my first friend lost, not to old age, not to obvious disease, and not to fatal accident. This friend was lost to that terrible belief that no one would understand, nothing could get better, or what would come after would be unbearable.

No thing is unbearable with support of family, friends, and faith. None. We are fragile, and precious...and we do not have to go through anything alone unless we choose to. We are only as sick as our secrets, she chose to keep hers.

The service was lovely & fitting, though I've not much to compare it to. I viewed her body, sat, talked with friends & her family, cried and cried, and cried some more. I looked into searching eyes of lamenting relatives, practicing alternatives to the cliched "sorry for your loss". I followed the privileged hearse, running lights, stopping traffic, death parade showing everyone, this person was so loved. I watched the casket lowered into the ground, body in a box within a box, interred. I said good-bye to my friend. The entire process is fascinating to me, we insulate ourselves from death so vehemently, it's no wonder I know so little about death ceremonies. *SIGH* Be at peace SLJ.

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there; I did not die.
--- Mary Elizabeth Frye

Love leaves behind much more than Death can take.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Growing growing, gone & Bike-to-Playground

This week, it really sank in that Fiona is no longer in Toddler sizes. Each seasonal shopping trip it sinks in a little bit more, she's growing up, never a baby again. *sigh*
We were out and about & a sock purchase was in order, most of her socks are too small now. Looking at all the little person socks for sale, there's the gap between 4-6yr size and Little Girl size, 9 1/2 -4??? I'm still learning about children's shoe/sock sizing schemes, clothing is so much more self explanatory. So picking out polka-dot socks, they're so BIG---she used to have such tiny feet!

Mid-week we visited Miss M for a lengthy day in order to knock out that initial experimental period of creation for the Papa's Shirts Dresses. Gary has discarded several shirts, I got it in my head to make them into summer dresses for Fiona, and IT WORKED! Beautifully! Miss M is a seamstress-super-star, and her help was instrumental. It might've taken me a week or so to complete one dress---we pulled it together in a few hours. What a learning experience, I'm totally hooked. Buy a pattern, pick the material, voila! Clothes for entire summer! Bonus that the patterns cover size 4-6x and are reusable. Fiona adores it, she slept with it that night, and wore it the next day, all day, naptime, then riding her bike to the playground.

First bike ride: I was there at the handlebar the entire 3.5 block trip. She likes to coast. After getting a little speed though she seems to forget how to brake. So braking and stopping are the practice goals. She talked several times about how "we're a' we all have bikes! we'll all bike ride together {one day}!" After a fall I was immensely proud to see her pop right up, and get right back on the bike without a prompt! I didn't have to say anything except, "Are you ok? (some assessment here)! Great job getting back on the bike, Fiona!" She fell maybe 4 times, mostly due to curb'n'gutter combos, and all of which I caught her in some form or other. Again, another skill where the small details involved might be overlooked, like learning to walk off a high-centered wheel. Her first practice foray in the big world, I tried to show her the stop signs, the cars that were coming & going periodically, why it's important to move out of the street as soon as possible. Teaching her to pay attention to the world around her while at the same time focusing on the task underfoot. It's a challenge to find the right words, simplfied, and positive.

A gorgeous week, looking forward to long runs & bikes this weekend. NO MORE MISSED WORKOUTS, save for injury or illness (knocking on wood). Because I know truly, that I will feel it during HIM.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Birthday Buzz

It was quiet this weekend. My face was reacting severely to the mango encounter I wasn't really into going OUT. We shopped bikes for Fiona, Gary made a cake (his first attempt at a layer cake), hung out and watched movies for my day.
Then today Fiona was SO excited she asked for her cake first thing this morning. She played outside with her bike for most of the morning. Then we took her birthday money to Jillie Beans Toys to spend wisely, shared a burrito, went to playground, ate ice pops, & watched BOLT. Gary came home, there were chicken tacos, homemade salsa, the pink cake with purple icing, and of course, finally, some presents. Simple, sweet, and easy. Fiona was completely exhausted, having no nap today, went to bed early. Some photos and we'll call it a day. :)

Saturday, May 2, 2009


After 31 years (32 tomorrow) folks, I have had a real allergic reaction, unless you count poison ivy/oak, which I don't---or didn't until I found out that the effect is cumulative, the more a person is exposed over time, the more extreme the reaction. Tuesday, I peeled a mango, peeled it then ate it. Wednesday my ear itched something fierce, had bumps on it. Thursday my eye itched then my mouth, all on the left side of my face. Today my eye is more swollen than before, I feel like I'm deformed, just add a hump and I'm set to play Igore.

I know notta-damn-thing about allergies, only the very general information, and I've no idea how long this will last, or how it should be dealt with. After taking a Benadryl last night I passed out cold on the couch, slept all night, and woke up still puffy & red marked. Isn't there some way to make it stop right now? I don't wanna have a puffy face birthday!

Do. Not. Ever. PEEL. The Mango.

*post post, edit; apparently it's ill advised to excercise while having an allergic my workouts wednesday & thursday, sticking to my training plan, most likely made the initial reaction worse, so, here I sit, waiting it out...unable to do much else. :(