Tuesday, January 26, 2016


Here is the revised document. Click on the Google drive to login and review, let me have your opinion.

Light & Love,

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Are we back? This is a test of the new laptop system. I've been hoping that I'll now be able to write in word and post directly, which I was unable to do before as it seemed Microsoft and Google don't play well together. Though I will have to work on the image hosting necessities.

It's been so long that I've posted I started thinking I needed to give it up, but then I realized that it's a creative pursuit, sometimes necessary catharsis, I need this outlet. And similar to workouts, the longer I wait to return to it, the longer I wait, the harder it gets….there's just so much material. I've got days of subjects I want to cover, and while I'm optimistic that I'll have time, there are other projects I've promised growing people that I'll finish.

Here's to continuing on and on and on.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Week 4 Hmk
Wherein I discuss my revelations about my fears.
I used to fear what people thought about me, I used to worry about interactions for days upon days.  Now that worry is reserved for interactions with people I respect and hold dear.   Interestingly I’ve never worried or been fearful of not receiving [insert item/goal here].
I’m fearful of success, success in every area of my life. Success in parenting, success with endeavors to create monetary wealth, success with treatment and demonstration, success with relationship maturation, success with my ideas….so I make little mental and material distractions to keep me from achieving success, mostly rooted in questioning my worthiness of crazy blinding success.  I am successful though if I follow what RW Emerson wrote.
When I’m a great parent I’ve got to keep acting in a compassionate and loving way all the time, even when I’m sick and tired of them all. I’ve been surrendering to the moments a lot more lately.
When I’m successful with my ideas, I’ve got to be accountable and represent myself and my idea with integrity.  There’ll be more work to do and I’m unsure of my tenuous maturity in this new area of adulthood to handle it all.
When I’m successful with mediation and prayer, and demonstrations occur, my faith will deepen immeasurably and my convictions to live this path may lead me to an area that I’m completely terrified to admit I might be talented with. I’m afraid to be that bright, worried I’ll leave some behind when I’d rather take everyone with me because every single consciousness occurring here has that beautiful wondrous potential—why  should I be special?  (ego doesn’t discern the difference between transformation and death, no?) but then why shouldn’t I?
If my husband and I are to cleave together we need continuous growth. Thus far we’ve been through fits and starts of spiritual growth, honing each other into better living—of course parenting is a major part of that growth, children really force us to examine ourselves.
So, I’ve been releasing distractions of all manner and size that have kept me from my perceived success and my material success.  Some are small mental blocks subtle broken records, others are real distractions I toss in the way to add a tinge of emergency to anything I’m working on.  Removing these, I’ve noticed a great success with my prioritizing and time management, I’ve gotten a lot done and been more present doing it.  I’ve felt greater compassion around not completing household work or slips in my parenting style, been much more present and understanding with my girls.  And I’m attempting to work with a friend to get a business plan together that I will pitch to a group deciding the fate of a nearby property.
And yet it is interesting that yesterday, attending church solo with two in tow (third was ill and at home with The Man) I was so high, and exuberant about life in all its glorious forms and relations.  I am here, I love being a momma, I am loving this adventure—why not? Any thought to the contrary is just silly static that has no place in my positive sphere.  There was not a thing that would deter me from that space, I love my life, it is so good.  And today happened, with glitter loosed and migrating unauthorized around the house, a non-napping baby, and a three year old thoroughly in tantrum mode, I slid sideways somewhat. However I witnessed, the whole debacle, and avoided calamity.  I felt the wave pass, lifted me, carried me a short way, instead of struggling I let it go, and had my feet on the sand again.
Today is a good day to begin again.

“To laugh often and much;to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Monday, January 27, 2014

Oh my heart aches, it cracks open, and open, and open.  It's joyous sorrow I feel, and it's slippery to contain.  I know I'm making inroads against unconscious behavior, it's just so difficult sometimes, this becoming.  I feel my organs rearranging, though there's resistance there's nothing to fight against, preparing for flight.

Monk-a-doodle has been experiencing illness past few days, still not quite back yet, and Baby R has just been so fussy today.  I've so much work to do and not enough time, and I keep bullishly stepping in my own way creating environmental stress where there needn't be, i.e. tiring myself with less sleep, not eating my best or at all, too much sugar, avoiding yoga and meditation, sitting in overwhelm instead of moving that small inch that's a cinch.

Watching snow fall, wishing I could go out in it and be completely alone for a undetermined time.

And I read this and this.  There's so much becoming all around when one looks for it, we're on an upswing I'm positive.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

I love you sleeping

i love you laughing

i love you sleeping

i love you laughing

lament and flail
i love you sleeping

thoughtful growing
learning Knowing
i love you laughing

wondrous comic tragedy
i love you sleeping
i love you laughing