Wednesday, May 16, 2012

It's incredibly difficult some days to get anything done.  Especially when one or both parental types incubate some odd tummy bug.  There are great productive days when I can see the Little Girl learning, then there are other days when her attitude is poor, or I'm a bit out of whack for some reason or other.  Then it's harder to get back into the rhythm we've created once the little phase has passed.  I'm certainly much more comfortable with our curriculum, adapted it such that it'll work with what time we have fully at home, and being gentle with my adherence to Their ideal.  I've a terrible habit of comparing my insides to other people's outsides, making assumptions about others based on their appearance or what they may say.  When I recently read through an "ideal Enki homeschool day" I felt a little ill, until I remembered the main reason we decided to homeschool is freedom.  Any curriculum can become a shackle, I work out what's right with my children.  Miss Monkey is aware that our homeschooling can only work with her cooperation.  Recently her homeschool connection teacher mentioned that homeschooling is a great choice with her personality traits.  Happy to have her validation.  Reading and writing are coming along, math is part of daily life, everything is learning especially when I'm on top of my game.

My experience has shown that it's rare for people to be truly themselves through and through all the time---that the person I think I'm seeing is actually the person they are all around.  Here's why I recognize this; I once was that person who had a different side for every occasion, no one ever knew how dishonest I could be, or how insecure or fearful I was, or how self involved & self inflicted my perpetual drama was really.  When I sense others behaving in a similar manner its incredibly frustrating to know where they are on their path versus where they could be should they reach for their whole being's potential.
Lately I'm struggling with acceptance that my choices were narrowed for me.... where I would've been happy to help out I'm now beholden, and troubled that I mightn't be able to find a positive, friendly attitude when the time comes.  I'm also struggling somewhat with acceptance, "but for the grace of god, there go I"---there are personalities and "'isms" that I have to be involved with to a certain degree, and acceptance is the key to all my problems today.

Maybe I'm rambling, that is what's rattling around my head at the moment.

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