Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Self mastery.
Was chatting with someone this morning about the connection between children's thought life and what happens "to" them sometimes.  I still see that children are like little receptors, seriously energetically charged and very sensitive to what's happening around them (some more than others of course).  Self-mastery is something that they have to be guided, or they'll make up their own rules about emotions/feelings/behaviors.  Maybe that's why it is a good idea to send children to monastery, i.e. Buddhist tradition, to get some serious self-mastery guidance.  It really is too bad that the mysticism has been weeded out of (what appears to be) most christian tradition (and others I'm sure).  Those of us who grew up with little to no guidance of self-mastery end up in a state of spiritual bankruptcy, consistently reaching for something outside of ourselves to ful-FILL us. 

34 years, I'm only just now beginning to master my emotions and understand my feelings.  As a parent I would be hard-pressed to do anything but address the things I need to grow through---in fact I cannot imagine how a person could have children and not grow, not with out a plethora of pervasive denial, blame, rationalization, and justification.  Then I guess that's what some parents fall into doing though...doing anything to avoid the mirror that is a child.

The thing about growth is that it can be addicting I think, once I figured some stuff out I started wanting more of that health in my life---even though it could be uncomfortable at times.

I have to remember that they're not little adults, developmentally reasonable expectations are okay (for my own development as well) nothing more though. 

I found that it's harder sometimes to behave/speak lovingly 'cause I have only a short track record for it, feels kinda weird to love with abandon.   It used to be easier to "go with what I know", even though I felt sick about it.
It's almost as if love feels more out of control than expectant anger and fear.  I used to think I could control my anger better than I could control love/loving feelings (then earlier this year found out quickly that I couldn't).  Fear is interesting 'cause while I think I can control it, the truth is it controls me.

My palms are a little sweaty writing this stuff out, still not used to talking this REAL. 
That's what Truth does, it budges us out of our comfort zone.

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