Monday, July 25, 2011

screaming genes

Yelling, screaming, lamenting, caterwauling...oh the dramatics I might fall into trying to control someone else's behavior...and that little mirror of a girl of mine has picked up all of it and then taught it to her baby sister. *big sigh*

Does she who screams the loudest get results?  really?  In my experience as a child it doesn't work, yelling leads to more yelling, leads to louder screaming, possibly culminating with voilence and damages. Now as a parent, when I've slipped into a non-thinking state, I have made threats I didn't intend to, eventually forced to follow through with something I feel ill about as I've trapped myself with my reactive if/then chatter.  If I don't follow through I'm in the cut as the idle threat drill sargent parent who if battled enough can not be counted on to enforce any boundary.  Then that drill sargent gets to lament and whine about how the child is out of control, and can never be made to be cooperative.

I never wanted to be the embattled mother, playing victim to my child's attitudes, desperation and exasperation showing with every iteration and gasp at her behavior.  And I still don't.  Earlier this year I was doubting our decision to homeschool, I thought, "if this is what it's going to be like I can't do it".  Then came Love & Logic and I finally got some real verbal tools to use for every situation.  With the fits and starts over the summer parenting became truly fun, and I knew it.

I don't have to yell any more, and ultimately that's what I want.  I want to parent in a patient conversational tone every moment they're awake.

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