Friday, May 21, 2010

Rather discouraged at the moment.

I think it's a bit sad that our first outing together, the three of us, Mama + babies, was to the WIC office. While I would've enjoyed taking the sting out of that with a playground trip, the appointment having taken longer than I expected, without lunch packed, and a dying cell phone...I just didn't want to push the limit.

Because Broomfield is both City & County it has all the amenities a big city would have, but smaller, more accessible, and easier it seems to me. Thank goodness for small gratitudes. I can be grateful that I haven't been subjected to a big city WIC office, which--according to the "contract"--might be filled with persons of questionable character. Seriously, on the video and in the little contract it actually says BE NICE & BE HONEST but with more words, several times.

I am tired. The New One squawls a lot more than the other one did as an infant. At least from what I can remember, apparently I don't remember much. I'm not sure I've the stamina required to consider all the different ways to quiet a crying baby. At some point I feel I've given up, there's nothing I can do, and so she cries and cries and cries...even though I'm holding her, even though she's warm, even though she's just eaten, she's still crying. This is the hardest part I think. If I feel frustrated or withdrawn then she gets more upset. The only answer, the best answer is to give her to The Man (especially when he's the one who woke her) so I can get a break. It helps to have eaten, which I forgot, lunch-ish. Maybe the stress of the situation is getting to me.

We received our first very generous gift of food and money to put into to the New Beginning jar. There is other money to be cobbled together to make this fund reasonable, and there is still the question of consolidation loan versus bankruptcy. I'm really not sure which is the lesser of the two evils.

...and the little one cries again...the bigger one is in the kitchen making a craft, blissful unaware.


RunMonkeyMama said...

Hugs Ada. Hang in there. Things will get better in time. The second was much, much harder for me too, and I didn't have the other stresses you do right now. Let me know if we can get together for park time or something. :)


Mercy said...

And in the midst of it all you have the rest of us here who love you no matter what...Texas or not...your Colorado Family is still here for you!