Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Endurance Comfort Eqtn

Pregnancy is an endurance challenge. We're just outside the 2 month countdown, and I'm feeling as if it's the last mile or so of a race. I didn't think I'd be so ready so soon, suppose I'll just be more than ready when baby finally decides to make his/her appearance.

Maternity clothes suck. I've been trying to get creative with what I can wear lately. While before it was, "Oh, look, she's pregnant and can still fit in her regular gym clothes, how cute." Now it's bordering on ridiculous. The belly begins to hang out the bottom of shirts. This is an honest assessment, not a negative one. At some point, in every pregnancy, I wager that every woman begins to feel ridiculous. At the consignment shop, with those dastardly full length mirrors, I can only LAUGH and laugh, my profile is just so...clownish to my mind. It's for good reason, all this stretching and comically oversized proportion—there's a person in there. Today, this person, has found much entertainment value knocking my innards around, and baby is only going to get bigger. As of last week, Doc said I was measuring almost a full week larger than what 'the math' says.

As the wardrobe wanes, the prospect of making do with what I have, for over 2 months, is daunting.

C = {((AvMW + NF)Ex)SA}/S+R+H

Where comfort (C) can be translated as enjoyment of pregnancy, AvMW is available maternity wear, Ex is exercise, NF is nutritional food, SA is spousal attention, S is sugar, and R is rest or sleep. Of course this is adaptable per the gestating lady's personal preference. I used Exercise as a multiplier 'cause I find that the more consistent I am (just as pre-pregnancy) the bigger an effect it can have on Comfort. Nutritional Food is, of course, paramount to almost everything else—but let's be fair, food in general is paramount to anything where a pregnant woman is concerned. I know I've said it before, and I'll say it again, if you want to really engage a gestating female, talk about food. Spousal attention (SA) might be assigned a whole number value, i.e. 1 for minimal attention leaving the base equation unchanged, a higher number increasing the feminine confidence doubly so—as pregnancy is an incredibly powerful thing. Sugar (S), minimally applied for the day, i.e. another value of 1 can also leave the base comfort level unchanged, where a 10 or more might cause an ultimate crash, completely undermining all value in the numerator. Rest (R) can have a cumulative effect, some mommies choose to leave it out all together as it's such a big variable, and applying a whole number value to it might prove impossible. Although I suppose that using a whole number value as to the quality of rest, 1 for good quality and 10 for poor quality, could apply properly. And finally there's the dreaded Hormone (H), a whole number integer assigned might be as great as the thousands, and could completely decimate the entire equation, some might say it should be imaginary, never know if, when, or how, hormones might affect the equation…I'd rather it was exponential, but couldn't find the superscript. ;)

No comments: