This Year

Last year this time we were beginning the search for another place to live, and preparing to file bankruptcy. This year, we've redefined our finances and successfully, and gratefully, been living abundantly.

This year we moved (again), and made firm decision to live in This House for the forseeable future, we are purchasing, and stretching out into the permanence of our decision. Interestingly this material permanence has produced interior growth and shifts.

This year I succeeded in homeschooling my firstborn into reading and the 4 arithmetic processes, then spring came as did the bouncing baby boy, and lots of learning for the Little-Big sister as well as the Big-Big sister.  It became painfully apparent in the fall that homeschooling wasn't serving her, my energetic resources were stretched too thin. The school we enrolled with has been a serendipitous blessing. Her favorite subjects at holiday break are handwork, eurythmy, and spanish.  Observing her this Christmastime, she's grown immensely, the space created with her attendance to Mountain Phoenix has allowed she and I to travel more parallel than crosswise.  With a whole new community to explore and connect with, she and I have had our work cut out for us---for me especially amidst learning the means and methods of brick-and-mortar school.  And I've mourned the change, still do when I come across some curriculum material.  I've fallen in love with her again, she's really a magnificent little person.  She's lost teeth, gained a new kitten and a couple of hermit crabs, gotten her ears pierced, left gymnastics, learned to knit, started soccer and is excited about volleyball.

This year, Little-Big sister, giggly in the middle, has grown into a character of comedy.  While she does push in her 3 year old way, it's been interesting watching her roll into her role.  With a break from her big sister she's grown into her own person bit by bit, has her own community of friends at MHCEC.  Lovely have been the afternoons driving to the pick up line while The Second-born is giggling herself stupid in the backseat making baby brother laugh.  It appears she's about to step up into the preschool room, quite a bit earlier than I ever considered...based on her verbal skills, her ability to use scissors, and dress herself among many other things.

This year, a beautiful baby arrived, he graced us with his presence late May and has been a complete joy.  It must be stated, boys and girls are different from the start.  As soon as he surpassed the first vague interactions, without coercing, steering, or guiding...boys are different than girls.  He has a different personality of course, but I'm noticing, what I surmise, are basic male v. female differences with development and activity and interest.  I find myself studying all little boys more closely, researching this boy-energy.  He's starting to rock, he creeps a bit, and tummy-spins and rolls about the floor loudly babbling his focus or his frustration. Already he has definite opinions about injustices of mommy needing to eat or potty-break. Gratefully he has innate patience when it's necessary to focus my attention on the ridiculous 3 year-old antics.

This year, The Man and I have succeeded in moving the household, straightening out and recommitting our responsibilities financially, getting comfortable and enjoying our community, disagreeing then agreeing, laughing and loving, redoubling our conscious parenting efforts, gracefully growing forward.  I'm so blessed to have this man as my partner in this adventure.

Happily happily into the new calendar year!

Then it was Done

All that hustle and bustle, for a few hours of mildly raucous unwrapping. The 3yo is much better at this year, the 7yo is an expert, and the baby was grunting excitement and approval at everything that pleased him.

I kept meaning to write about something, anything---there is a list next to my bed---and then I put it off in favor of seasonally necessary activities. Then days and weeks happen in a flash and I'm experiencing a creative blockage without this outlet.  I'm thinking of a new challenge for myself, possibly involving the Season for Nonviolence as we are lately, as parents, making a more unified effort to root out UNconscious parenting (or personal) habits.  More on that later.

We attended Mile Hi's Christmas Service last night, and it was moving as usual since my heart has opened much more in the past 4 years. I'm positively bursting with gratitude that we belong to such an awesome community here in Denver, I wholly love every single person of this Colorado Family.  Sometimes I think I might burst apart at my seams with bliss.

The GiggleSisters were rabid to don their holiday dresses (maybe next year we'll way until the eve of Xmas Eve to gift them). By the time we left service last night their excitement had reached a fever pitch and, while well behaved, they were barely manageable.  As the Spirit of Santa had gotten a jump on the wrapping and prep, there were very few small last minute things to arrange, and a reasonable hour was attended for the "long winter's nap".

I'm finding with our newest expansion that I've fallen deeper in love with our little (bigger) family. I'm perfectly content to hang around with these people I live with, even when they're acting in ridiculous unconscious manner.  I miss my Texas Family somethin' fierce, life keeps happening keeping us from visiting.  Truth be told, at this point, I'm more than aware with FIVE people, it's no small thing to travel and barge into someone's home.  All in good time.

Since my last post I've finished 3 knitting projects, re-set up my LOViNTee Etsy shop,, sent Christmas cards, baked some good stuff (grateful props to The Man for making Christmas dinner, though), made 12 simple gifts to give away, created Christmas magic, all while managing to care-take the household (barely, some days), handle a baby's illness, and keep the children clean, fed, and at their specified appointments....and I've prayed a LOT, and greedily snatched those still, silent moments in between all the DO-ing.  I found the durable thing within, a palpable loving Spirit that I draw upon to keep moving forward.

All is well, we are at peace, and I'm great-full and gratefully moving into the next calendar year.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Gratitude

I told myself I wouldn't stay up late, I said I'd only work on the photo book until 11. Oh, well.  As our holiday is completed and we're back into the fray tomorrow I thought it appropriate to post a gratitude list.

A--Apple-pear-ginger pie that was Awesome
B--Baby Boys Bouncing and humming, and Babysitters
C--Christmas season is here, Cinnamon and Cookies
D--Dining with Dear ones, and Dates stuffed with goat cheese
E--Evergreens, Especially the one soon to grace my home
H--Housework, yes Housework, 'cause it means I have a Home
I--Indigo for it's many shades of jeans
J--Joy, that I have it every day in some form or other
K--Kites that little children make, and Knitting that I now Know how
L--Light, that without it I mightn't could type, but then maybe poorly
M--Moon so bright on crisp clear nights
N--Nonsense and gibberish blurted belligerently
O--Orange zest making cranberries bright
P--People People all around
Q--Queries and Questions from inQuisitive young minds
R--rain
S--Stomach issues, though uncomfortable and stinky, at least I'm slim : /
T--Turkey and the pot pies I've skill to make
U--Underwear, that I have clean pairs to spare
V--Very Vociferous Voices constantly clamoring, I'll miss them one day
W--Water, hot and cold running water indoors
X--Xenophilia
Y--yo-yo's that keep little hands busy
Z--Zoo Lights a holiday treat one night.

Happy happy sleep tonight.

The Cats Pajamas

The Kitten.  Of late, rightfully named Darth Siddius, as he has been an absolute nuisance at night and the wee hours of the mornings.  It's rather like having a new baby in the house, at least that's my reference last I felt this sleep disturbed.

After her laborious endeavor to ensure receiving a "real live kitten" from St. Nick, Christmas morning the mewing package was opened.  The Firstborn is enamored of her feline to a point of distraction--which may not be saying much as she is a 5.5 year old.

kittenish in kitten pajama, with real, live, kitten

proper 'crazed' look of kitten

Porter was, er, less than enthused about Darth Kittius (code name: Breakfast Cheese).  After 4 days, the elder cat has begun venturing out from under the bedside tables (where he hissed and mowled at kitten's attempts to play) to his usual haunts.  We plied him with canned wet food, a rare treat, and a new collar with proper tag.  He is slowly becoming accustomed to the new addition.  To get a taste of what it's like cat + kitten, see Double Trouble.

Happy Christmas to All

Busy bodies cramming visits amidst holiday errands and common responsibilities.

A tree arrives. 

Soft needles, strong gorgeous scent, beating light heart, 

the growing familial collection of ornaments.

Family visiting, pleasant and playful.  Uncle and Auntie then exit graceful.

Hidden gifts, secreted away, finally reappear brightly wrapped.

Excitement excruciating for little girls, 

counting days down.

Warm Christmas kitchen, spiced nuts and gingerbread. Oh-so-delightful aromas fill my home.

Gifts abound, goodwill is great.

Above all

spending time, making memories with dear friends, enjoying each presence,

better than presents.

The Spirit of Christmas is alive and well here, as I wish it with you as well.

Love & Light this season, 

Ada

Building materials

We held it together until we thought it was stuck, but then there was a holiday landslide...it's all about the process though, no?  It was a valiant effort.  And after a few mouthfuls of candy we had to "stop serving" The Firstborn as it didn't bode well for dinner.

As it's about the journey, there is something to add here about building materials for long term friendships, this is one.  It's about the effort paired with presence, nothing whatever to do with quantity, it's all about quality.

Nuts!

Holiday Nuts outside?  Better put some inside as well.

Simply Holiday

Christmas was fairly quiet and very simple for us.  Miss Monkey received her wished for Santa gifts, and we went for a ride and run on bright beautiful Christmas day.  Last night we talked about how New Year's Eve was a celebration to mark the next calendar year, then kiddos off to bed.  The Man and I had s'mores from the fireplace, watched movies, and I fell asleep until Baby E fussed somewhere around midnight.  

Peaceful holiday weekends---unless you count the massive meltdown we were embarrassed to leave a party one evening.  Small children + sugar + over-stimulation + more sugar + lack of sleep due to holiday party excitement and crazy schedules = complete utter loss of social emotional control, or Atomic Tantrum.  It's bound to happen at least once, the trick is not to make threats we're unwilling to carry out.  In this case I could see that there was no "reset" button to be found, she was already beyond.  I spoke to her firmly, quietly, right in her ear, gave her the choice to calm herself or we'd have to leave, well, we had to leave.  Sometime later, about half way home, a switched flipped and it was almost as if nothing happened.  The next morning it seemed she didn't remember much---sugar hangover?  It's gotta be challenging to keep up with adult schedules throughout the holidays, learn all the new things, the excitement of Santa's impending visit, eating all the sugar, meeting all the people, etc. etc.etc.  All things considered I think with only one meltdown we did all right.

Thank the goodness for friends and family to spend the holiday time with.  I am so grateful for the year we've had, though it was trying we kept moving forward and landed all right, a learning experience for certain.  I'm also grateful for all the new friends we've made and all the 'old' friends that have stuck.  

Hope your holidays were blessed, may you enjoy ringing in the New Year, stay safe, be joyous, may your heart be light, know that you are loved, and may your coming year burst with abundance.

In the basement...

There's a bike.  It's from Santa, and it's supposed to be hidden until the big day.  But today in classic 4 year old fashion F went downstairs to look for her blankie that had gone missing almost 2 full days ago.  She does an odd (hereditary on her Papa's side I think) thing...she looks for the missing item in places where it couldn't possibly be.

Down to the basement she went, and excitedly returns to me to report that there's "something down there, it's purple and white with flowers! it's a big girl bike, Mama!"

I play cool, "Oh?  hmm, well, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Well, come and see!"

"No.  I'm not going downstairs...." then cheerfully, lightly,
"That's not our space down there, Ms. Landlay-Dee is storing things down there.  I'm not going down there, it's not our space remember?  And you're not to go down there either."

She did try to get down there once more, but was diverted cleverly with other Christmasey things to be done.

Crisis averted?  We'll see.  The Man already went to do some magic downstairs, so hopefully I'll just use my considerable tools of Denial and Distraction to pretend like nothing happened.

Christmas now? christmas not?

Gifting.  It's one of my truly favorite things to do for holidays.  But I'm past the buying of an item in order to have something to give.  If it's not applicable, interesting, or something I think the person will really enjoy, I just don't see the point.  Do I really need to gift more stuff to people that I'm certain have too much stuff already?  Because really what happens with the item that I thought would have some meaning...it's lost in all the rest of the stuff.  Christmas is hard when there's not enough money to buy a lot of stuff, mostly 'cause we've been so very conditioned to associate the season with shopping rather than giving.  I recently heard someone remark that his new daughter-in-law typically spends upwards of $4k for holiday shopping.  Wow.  But then right now, $100 is too much and $100k isn't enough.  I find myself looking for, finding, and defining more meaning in this year's celebration.  This has been catalyzed by having children.  With the First Born's first Christmas, the re-birth of the new year, solstice, etc. began to have weight to them.  Now that we are enjoying and learning a new philosophy with Mile Hi Church of Religious Science things are more and more meaningful.  The senior minister said recently that birth of the christ child represents the birth of highest consciousness within ourselves, and the manger is our heart.  Call it Buddha-self, Christ consciousness, walking with Tao, it's all Truth, the Golden Thread that binds all walks of faith.

Anyway, this has been a year of growth, learning, and deepening our relationships---especially now since we're staying 'round here in Denver area!  Such a relief to know that we're not leaving, the stress of possibly re-establishing community is gone.  But then the flip side is that I now must be comfortable with reality of real grown-up friendships where people have seen my imperfections, and like me anyway.  So my gifts this year are less monetary, less stuff, and more of the intangible.  The things that I learn, that I might pass them on to my girls; my experience, strength and hope that I might share with others, that just might help someone some how.  I truly do live in abundance and I am so grateful.

Christmas Week

Christmas week Monday, sonigram shows everything to be in normal "perfect" progression for Fiona's sibling. Recent scene in the kitchen, child on a stool in front of pregnant mama. She alternately pats, hugs, jiggles the obtrusive abdomen. "I want the baby out noooow, she says. Chuckling, "well, you've got to wait a bit longer. Babies come out when they're ready to." "But I want my baby nooow!" push-pulling on my stomach, gently enough and yet with that almost 4 urgency that she's demonstrated as I-wuv-you-so-much-I-want-to-eat-your-face-take-off-your-head intensity. We're working on new, creative, different ways to show love rather than tackling at full speed, love-wallops, or suffocating whole head hugs.

Tuesday, Wednesday, baking baking baking, shopping Toys for Tots, food, baking baking baking. I was volunteered by Gary to bake a bit for a straggler's Christmas. I enjoy baking and I really like to give things away---that way I get to taste'em but they're not in the house for weeks tempting us. So I baked up a few pies, double batch of cookies, pudding-filled cupcakes, brownies & gingerbread. Gary got his apple pie out of the deal so he was happy. Everything went over well I'm told, and I'm quite content.

Thursday...rest & illness??
There was an illness in the house. Fiona had an odd off and on fever for almost 4 days, but she wasn't especially cranky or otherwise affected. Then she threw up eve of Christmas eve, fever broke, the illness appeared to have passed. But then there was me, and I don't think I realized how out of it I was until I started to feel better post-Christmas. After obligations we attempted to get to Mile Hi for an afternoon Eve service. We were running later than expected and had an 'agent' working for us already there, he said after a certain point that there was just no way to get in, the sanctuary was at total capacity. And if you could see how big the place is, well, it's impressive. So we had to let that go, which was just as well as Gary had plans to hit the mall also. Although we planned to have Christmas Eve dinner, it was a bit late and we decided to flex it--plus Gary said he'd cook. I was pretty near cooked completely out. Made lite supper, reindeer food & left pie for the jolly man in red. Opened our Eve gifts, watched It's a Wonderful Life, and Santa was on his way as soon as Fiona's head hit the pillow. The tactic of keeping her awake all day worked like a charm.

Friday, oh, happy day!
WE were actually up before the child. It was Gary who eventually woke her. She seemed a little disappointed at first 'cause she didn't walk all the way around the tree and almost just went right back to her room. But when she did see the gift Santa left, she was agape for a few moments before diving right in, playing with & inspecting the jogging stroller-with-smashed-handles. Several other of the toys have been great hits, thank goodness. Oddly (we thought) she was definitely not into wearing the white coat that came with the Doctor dress-up set. The tools, yes. The coat, almost a fearful aversion. I feel fulfilled when I get to watch what Fiona does with a toy, to see her gaining enjoyment in simple play causes a sort of sublime contentment within.

Saturday...resting the rest of illness.
Whatever it was started to pass. It's been cold outside so there hasn't been much out-door play. I really miss chilly winter running. Fiona is enamored of her jogging stroller and decided that she needed to go out for a run. Ah, were it somewhat warmer I'd definitely be up for a long walk outside. For now, my workout wear is starting to, er, pull a bit around the middle. I'm not sure how much longer it'll last. I could rant here about maternity clothing options, quality, availability, but I'll save that for another post.

Sunday, lovely MAXIMIZE at Mile Hi. Finally! I was able to sit through almost an entire service without crying too much. Then home again, relaxing and ham-bake casserole.

All in all a lovely, sweet, simple Christmas. I wouldn't trade it for anything, and I hope we can repeat it in spirit. Much gratitude for a wonderfully blessed 2009, may the New Calendar Year be joyful and productive!

Tantrums---they're not just for kids!

I had a tantrum, a glitch as someone called it. It happened this weekend, in the midst of pregnant hormones hindering prep for departure to Christmas Party at a friendly home. I have been having a bit of a rough time adjusting to new circumstances. Circumstances, that, while offering opportunity can deliver a great deal of stress. Growth can be painful, and life is not promised to us without pain or loss. Emotional and spiritual growth effectively are loss in very particular ways. Leaving old behaviors behind and trying out newer healthier habits, well, it can be unsettling to say the least. My loving husband treated the situation with grace, and eventually I was able to relax and enjoy the rest of the evening. Fiona, a rarely seen level of CUTE all night, ate too much sugar, vomited some, and as finale to her all-evening dance, crawled under a coffee table looking at the action from an angle I well remember from childhood---we decided it was definitely time to call it a night.

Last week we did make a trip to see Santa Claus. A great Santa---I think we found the real one! When he made his appearance from his break, Fiona bounces up and down, piping "Saaantaa! Saanntaaa!" Now that the tree is in the house, and the decor has been spread about somewhat, I have to keep reminding her that Christmas isn't here yet, but it will be soon enough.

So THIS is Christmas!

AH, so wonderful to relax in jammies all day and do next to nothing. My understanding of Christmas has evolved somewhat now, I'm no longer naive about how much time and effort are involved with creating the festive atmosphere that Santa loves to frequent. I see it in three stages:
Stage one: the Ulti-Shop, might begin months (or even up to a year for the hardy bargain shoppers) with lots of thought about what to buy, when to buy, how to secret the items away until Christmas Day.
Stage two: Sorting, Prepping, and Wrapping. For us this all had to be done in stages, short pockets of time when Toddleator is asleep or somehow distracted enough to be unaware of her surroundings.
Stage three, my favorite, the Eve: Assembling and Arranging. Whatever has arrived in a box "some assembly required" is expertly put together, all gifts are displayed just so under/around the twinkling tree. As I carefully pulled down the wrapped packages from the top of a closet, I was struck suddenly with the certainty that hundreds of thousands of other parents were quite possibly doing the exact same thing. We're all collectively involved with the ritual ceremony that keeps the spirit of Christmas, St Nicholas or Santa Claus, ALIVE.

This spirit is thriving at our house. I was only able to give a couple of toys to 'Tots' this year, I always love to shop for anonymous toy gifts. Fiona enjoyed picking out gifts "for Papa" and then tried over and over to give them to Gary, encouraging him to open them. It was easier to explain to her the "wait until Christmas" rule with gifts that she was giving to Papa, rather than trying to talk her out of unwrapping gifts that she somehow knows are hers. The Rocking Horse that I restored for her was a huge hit this morning, she immediately wanted to ride it, named it Vikki-Pony.

I do NOT recommend contracting a stomach flu within a week of Christmas. First, it can seriously throw off any semblance of schedule. Second, well, it's just NOT fun to vomit for 12 hours straight, then spend the next 48 recovering. I was completely stressed out trying to get the food shopping sorted out, the rocking horse finished, the house chores caught up (still not), gifts ready...it was insanity.


ALL that aside, the ham-that-wasn't-really-a-ham turned out fantastic. My raspberry mousse chocolate bombe is also delicious. Fiona has enough toys to keep her completely occupied for days, and Gary & I enjoyed ourselves thoroughly.

I can only hope that everyone on the planet has as much beauty, health, & happiness.

'Tis the season for O Tannenbaum

This is our first Christmas. Well, not technically, but it seems like everything we do is new and exciting simply because a brand new brain is actively entertaining and soaking up information with us, or me, everywhere we go. She's 32 months old, or as humans say, she's 2 1/2. Last year this time she wasn't talking near as much, she wasn't singing, she didn't have an imaginary friend named Diver, she hadn't started pretending, she wasn't asking questions yet or expressing needs and wants. In short the whole idea of Christmas wasn't totally lost, but it was certainly not quite grasped.

Yesterday evening we ventured out to get a tree. The moon is bright and full, some snow lingers on the ground, crisp air just chilly enough for coat and gloves. There's a little Garden Country place not too far, very mom n' pop, just the type of place I like to go to hang out in the moist air with the plants. Coy were asleep in the water feature, full-color stone reindeer stood nearby. Fiona was excited! We talked about the sleeping fish so still at the bottom of the pool---I didn't know that coy 'sleep', or hibernate? Greeted the giant frog squatting nearby, looked at a "bug" or two, petted the deer, and inhaled deeply that beautific evergreen scent. It's all I can do not to hug the trees. Gary haggled and got a better than average price for a nice Douglas fir, soft needles, super-fragrant, 7 footer. Which enabled us to also purchase a wreath and some "Retard Needle Drop" solution. At the car, I fielded a squeal, more a scream, 'cause lately Fiona's "NOoo, I don' want Mama!" whenever Papa is around. Which makes things just a bit more interesting for my emotional being.

Back at the house the tree is certainly bigger than I think we were aiming for, possibly the fluffiest, tallest, that we've had so far. That fantastic green smell wafted through the house. I made chicken pizza (crust from scratch--yay!) while Gary fixed our little piece of nature into the stand & positioned in the approved spot. There is something magic about having a TREE indoors. We don't currently have any other plants, potted or otherwise, so this is the first green thing we've had in an abode since last Christmas. Something feral uncurls and stretches in my depths, something joyful that wants to run through the woods, climb trees, burrow into leaves, hunt and gather. Were I small enough I would live in the Christmas tree until it's time is done. I've dreamed about that since I was young. Imagining myself a Christmas tree-sprite, snuggling in boughs, creating mischief. Fiona's first action was to curl up under the tree, even before the lights went on. Of my all-time favorite activities at Christmastime, lying under the decorated tree is THE BEST. Head and shoulders under the boughs, peering intently into the depths of our yearly tree, dazzling ornaments and lights twinkling. Hopefully some eggnog or hot cocoa nearby---outfitted with a straw so I don't have to get up. Now, I get to pass my little tradition to Fiona.

We ate pizza next to the tree as O Tannenbaum (coincidentally appropriate) played on the Music Choice Channel. The Toddleator proceeded to greet the tree, feed the tree, and experiment with different appendages near & far from each multi-colored light. I know it's impossible to keep her from touching, at least we can work on "no pullin/pushing" and "gentle hands". Now, only now has the holiday really begun. Because, Now we have the singular pattern on the wall that only a lighted Christmas tree can cast. Now we have the scent, the sight, and as soon as I can find my cookie cutters, that gingerbread taste to go with the mid-winter celebrations.

I love the season! I love that I get to participate in this glorious passage of time!

Finally!

We got a decent snowfall! It started in the evening, then all night, and almost all day the following day. SNOW NICE. I got to shovel snow for the first time ever. *grin* Some people mightn't understand this 'fun' with shoveling or 'fun' uncovering the car. I can't help it though, everytime I've had to un-snow the car since we moved I end up smiling. It's just beautiful fluffy SNOW. I need to look up all the other Inuit word for it so that I don't wear out the only one that English has to describe the fabulous frozen rainlets.

Fiona had a great time out there the first day. While I shoveled the back deck, she positioned her wagon special underneath the deck so when the snow fell her wagon filled, and off she trundled with it. Eventually the novelty wore off, most especially when she took off her mittens to get a more intimate hands on experience, and her hands immediately became so cold she was done. Might be that her hands are like mine in that it's painful for them to be cold.

Last night we saw the Broomfield City & County Tree lighting ceremony, which was sweet & simple. Santa arrived in a helicopter completely distracting the crowd from the city council's singing (or lack of singing), it looked as if the fire truck would drive up behind the stage and Santa would make a grand entrance, but---I'm not sure what might've gone wrong here---he ended up just walking up behind the stage and climbing up to the mic. We were lucky enough to be directly in Santa's path on his way to the city building, and he greeted Fiona personally. She was starstruck! And immediately she said, "But wheres deh reindeer, Papa?" We decided the reindeer were on the roof waiting until Santa was done greeting the kids. (This while I'm kicking myself for missing the photo-op.) In the car on the way to Chinese food, Fiona said, she missed Santa & his reindeer and that "made her feel sad". How far we've come in a short 2 years, it's simply astounding.

Holidays underway, everyone! Our very best wishes out to each and every one of you!