"We be the best we can be in the moment. And we live with grace." 

~ Rachelmartin.blogspot.com

Post-Kenpo, soccer uniform pick up, a line of people in the waning heat of late summer, mostly accompanied by children, who, given the hour, may or may not have eaten dinner.  The kids group about, two games of tag are being played, then one Duck-Duck-Goose! and one Tag.  Chatting amicably with a young nanny, baby's falling asleep in the sling.  My turn at the table, I call my child over to try on a jersey, at first there's a lite resistance as she was playing intently...then IT begins, because there are only 10 girls on her team, and her only choice is between number 23 or number 12.

We'd had a discussion about color, team colors are green and white, only green and white.  There had been a brief discussion about numbers, that she wouldn't get to pick a number as we hadn't pre-ordered.

Apparently it wasn't enough.  

But really, who would predict that a discrepancy of numbers would send a 7 year old into a raging fit?

I can't even remember everything that was said.  The hate-filled ugliness screeching from her mouth, confusion about how team uniforms are numbered exacerbated by lack of food, and a long active day.  I eventually ran out of verbal tools, gratefully it was the same time I completed writing out the check, I called the Second Born and we moved First Born drama short distance to the parking lot.

I am grateful I didn't do anything to feel ashamed.  For me, her behavior was somewhat embarrassing, though I've come to care less and less about what others think.  At some point I mentioned she was embarrassing herself---a flicker of doubt crossed her face, but then I guess she figured she'd already committed to the tantrum so publicly, she may as well go all in.  And I do mean all in.  

"I will not speak to you again until you've eaten something and you're calm."

After moving her seat back between the younger two (as I can't be expected to drive safely while there's anyone fr-eak-ing the eff out in my passenger seat) I had to buckle her in.  She woke her brother with her shrieking and caterwauling though eventually helped him with his paci.

"I think you shouldn't speak again either, until you've eaten and  you're calm."

We made it home.  With a call ahead The Man had prepped simple dinner for them.  They got fed and then even had story at bedtime.

I'm completely wrung out.  We had such a good week, to end with such crap...it's just really really disappointing.  I've sadness, anger, and feeling weary.  It's these behaviors that 'cause me to think she should be in brick & mortar school, or that there's something amiss with her functionality.  But I know that giving in to her crazed states would only create more tantrums in the future.  Now delayed consequences loom in the coming week, because my energy has been completely drained.

All this after a standard three year old tantrum 'cause I wanted to listen to the Broncos game recap/analysis instead of Wheels On The Bus.

So, aforementioned Ms. Martin is dead on---Carry on Brave Mother.

Train like you race, 'Cause you race like you train

True dat.

On 4 hourse sleep, I was dry heaving--well rather a bit more than just dry heaving--after only 30 minutes of running.  With a full walking recovery with my RunBuddy back to her vehicle it was better and I did a reasonable zombie death shuffle to cover the last 20 minutes.  Watched a fire-sky dawn, and molten sun peaking behind the city proper.  Then had to pause for the silhouetted herons ethereal over lake glass.  Smelling damp earth and listening to birdsong....I'm so grateful I didn't "call it in."

Now, post-2 mi. swim (pool, meh), looking forward to napping with Toddleator.  Lack of sleep for me = slight beligerence, hangover look, slow thinking, and draggin' azz workouts.

Holla.

: )  <3

It wasn't a big big deal, but since I let it become a power struggle I had to take decisive action.  In the future I think I'll need to change my approach to the edge of funny, nay ridiculous, instead of letting these people affect my plans thus.  Comedy is a cure all.
I had planned a good run & swim at the gym, then hit the pool for a little bit, baths, quick lunch, and dropping kiddo at gymnastics.
God laughs at plans, right?

Began when I *had* to check something on email,  +10 minutes behind.
Continued when I remember it's garbage day, and there's some attitudinal adjustment from The Firstborn re: helping....
But the recycle pick up had already happened (seriously---before 8am?  yes, my bad.), +30 minutes more for loading, driving, dropping at the local recycle spot.
Finally arrive at gym parking lot...there's a squabble about hair rubber[band]s or hair clips, see there's only one clip and only one hair rubber, but they both want clips.  I suppose I had some weird expectation that the 6 yo would take the more mature attitude.

Note, Miss Monkey will do just about anything to get to KidsClub, she will back-track, capitulate to what ever I might ask, do chores, run laps, just so she can get in there with the play place/big screen/Wii action.

But this is unacceptable.  Since I know that she's only saying what she needs to get what she wants, I have to maintain the upper hand.

After baking in the sun for a few minutes trying to convince the Younger to let me put her hair up, I decide we'll sit in the car for a few minutes.  Upon asking telling, The Firstborn she needs to get back in the car, she then goes quasi-Atomic.  Kicking at me, "YOU'RE STUPID!  I'm gonna call YOU an ADULT WORD!"
I chuckle, "Oh, and how would that work out for you?"
I paused, "You've just shown me that KidsClub isn't for you today."

At a stop light, amidst caterwauling, she hurls a water bottle at me, it glances off my shoulder.
For an instant I see what others in vehicles around me might see from a more unconscious parent.

I calmly look over my shoulder at her, "Aren't you soooo lucky, I am such a good mama?"

Back at home now I've sent texts to all my sitters in attempt to get someone here, payment will come from Miss Ill-Manner Monkey's allowance.  Otherwise she is confined to bedroom time until lunch and then gymnastics.

Of course, the Younger, has behaved like a little angel, being incredibly sweet and calm---or maybe that's just by comparison.

Oh, still a Happy Day 'cause I have all the tools and growth that I need to keep on keepin' on.
<3

Runnnnn

First thing I thought of this morning 4:15a, "flapdoodle, I didn't post last night."

That's okay.  'Cause I can hit it twice today.

I might have a running buddy, assuming she doesn't mind dragging me along behind.  : )  She's reading this book, Run Like A Mother.   Of course it's on my extensive, "To Read" list.
I've never identified as a "runner", I guess I'm going to have to add to my identifications.
It was better pace than I've hit in a long time and something to look forward to.  I think around 3 miles, what I guess was <10' pace based on my puffing and blowing, our local hills took a toll, add to that an almost complete lack of breakfast = bonky dry heaving, and I bail out at almost 4 miles (total distance ~4.5). Sad I won't be able to say I hit 7 miles this morning but happy to report that I didn't walk all the way back, I did miniature strides.  Yes I made that up.  Strides are ~40yd of form focus run, from standing building to 5k pace.  My mini-strides were loosening up the tightness building in my evolved form I'm working on, and gave me something to do as I was getting home.  I virtuously won't count a .25 mile walk in with my run workout unless there was some decent jogging at minimum.  Tempo or cadence is something I need work on (both with running and cycling).  Those are next steps in my athletic evolution I suppose.

The Happiest of Ways to start the day---Get it on with a run at dawn!
: ) <3

p.s. then YOGA

Point of Pride

It's startling for me really, the amount of giddy pride I had bringing Miss Monkey to her first gymnastics exhibition.  As I noticed this swell of emotion I also noticed how I relaxed and stretched into the feeling of pride for my girl.  How much fun I had watching her proudly display her strength with her team-mates!  It was too too funny when she finally spied her friends that came, Miss Monkey tried to wave to them mid-trick on the bar she was so excited.

At the meet we attended over the summer there were many photo-rabid parents hustling each other for the best spot, snapping gig upon gig of photos for their team.  Gratefully this was only an exhibition---I have time before I will really need a swami DSLR Nikon to use for these events (flashes are forbidden and besides the chalk dust in the air makes it near impossible to use one anyway).

The event was in order such that her intensive invitational pre-competitive team was second to last to show, right before the elites that compete seriously.  The strength of these six little girls was obvious, even to a novice eye such as mine. I could see a real difference between the Rising Tigers' strength and the rec[reational] levels that supposedly rank higher competitively.  After 6 months of conditioning and strength, these two great coaches had the girls doing their first real tricks within two weeks preparing for the Mile High Salute to the Armed Forces Exhibition.  The girls got brand new custom leotards for the event, and I happily configured the Firstborn's hair into a cute creation with enough hairspray to sleep in and hold over Sunday afternoon.  Back in the day, she would ask me if she could "make my hair" then spend a long while combing and affixing various clips to my head. Finally she can sit still long enough for me to do some serious learning about this "making of hair."  Who'd've thought, really, that I would ever have to crash course up-do's for competitive sports?

I look forward to more of this parenting adventure, and I gain confidence in our job of parenting thus far---I feel we're doing pretty well!

Got her hair did

affixing ribbons tomfoolery

hooray for coaches!

sister cuties

salute!

 Thank you TIGAR!

Workouts n' whatnot

Having finished breastfeeding a few weeks ago, it seems the liquid fat my body has been clinging to is melting slowly away.  I'm kinda sad to have breastfeeding end, I know and she knows it's time though.  I'm sure to get enough cuddling in whenever we need to.  My workouts have been sporadic but more often.  I plugged in a training plan and hit about half the workouts.  I gave up on trying to force a solution though, I noticed I was becoming b*tchy and crazed, feeling like a failure when I messed up the plan.  So, I surrendered the results.  Suddenly, Baby E was sleeping through the night, and time started stretching.

I'm amazed that on a a given day I can pull off a triple workout if I feel like it---would never have been able to do that 5 years ago.  I might pick up a run, or a bike on a whim.  I can complete a long swim in (~2k yds) pretty comfortably and still survive the rest of the day pleasantly.  Daily life has become easier, and I think it's because I've given up trying to force it all to happen on my timeline.  One day in the far future I'll have more than all the time I need, until then I'm becoming more and more content to hang out and be present when the need arises.  And Their needs are never ending.  

I dropped in on a Zumba class.  While bouncing and shaking my nether-bits to fun world music, I giggled time and again....this is the dancing I used to attempt after a cocktail or four, in dark noisy clubs, delusional I was unique hot-stuff.  And now, I, and the rest of the middle-aged (and more) ladies have been relegated to flapping our flesh in a brightly lit box at prescribed hours of the week---probably so we won't frighten the general public.  It's a fun workout. I wonder, what if I didn't have the stability and core strength, though?  I could see how it might injure some-sedentary-one off the street.  Also, I had a free training session with a lady-trainer at my daughter's gymnastics gym, TRX is too too fun!  Really challenging and just what I enjoy.  I finally made it back to my yoga rug, after months of avoidance.  Short but sweet practice, I need to find an Ashtanga studio within reasonable driving distance.

Kinda sad that our bodies mayn't reflect the inward youth we retain.  The best I plan to do for my earthly vessel is everything I've been doing, tweaking the diet a bit, keep on keeping on.  As I am inward, I will show outward.

Nuggets of Enthusiasm

On a mama daughter sans baby sister evening, I took Miss Monkey to her first Nuggets game.  She was beside herself with excitement.

The seats were nosebleed, it didn't matter, we had space to stretch out and the kiddos could move around a bit.  She hailed the cotton candy guy, with authority I might add.  I didn't have the heart to fight'im off once he'd climbed all the stairs to our seats.

Then she talked our friends into buying her a hot dog, and succeeded in only eating half---second hot dog of the day for her as it's AFC/NFC champ day and Papa has "football food" in the works.

and
Just before leaving she played tag with young sir friend in the giant foyer of Pepsi Center, good thing she worked off some sugar rush before we headed home.  On the way out, she ran for cover to each giant sculpture, trash recepticle, and boulder hiding from "bad guys" a la Star Wars blaster fire fight.

A fun-filled evening, and though we left after half time I think it was just the perfect amount of time spent...she isn't yet 5 and asking her to sit through the second half with a sugar rush and past bedtime wouldn't have set us up for success.

So grateful that we are healthy, safe, and blessed.