It's a Day, or not even, it's only A Morning.

I'm feeling nervous about the decision to put The Second born into a 2-day all day program at the Waldorf Charter School.  Probably because today we had an epic morning.

It began with angry elder sister, pick-pick-picking on little sister, while I sang loudly my operatic "Be Kind or Be quiet!" aria.  Then about 4 minutes of timed bickering (probably longer, but once they heard the "$1 a minute!" jingle I improvised, it got quieter). I'm holding the $4 ($1 or 1 household contribution per minute bickering fee) until they get contributions done.

It's a fairly cold, snowy morning, diamond dust in the air, and champagne powder on my truck, so we're already late. But I'm surrendering to the flow of the morning, 'cause I don't wanna make the crazed rush only to be stuck in traffic.

Everyone fed, and getting ready to leave, the Middle One begins her lament about some random item that was or was not seen, or worn, or toted.  Shortly prior to this, she, in the same breath, shared about what she likes at school and then proceeded to whine "puwheease take me out of dis school, momma".

I kept breathing, kept moving forward. Of course, this new development of crazy from her little sister budged Miss Monkey to swing back into sweet-and-helpful mode.

The Second Born proceeds to scream in her trademark screech about how her legs are cold (she chose to wear a long skirt with long socks), but when offered her coat or pants, she screeches again in response.  Her tragedy is most definitely waking neighbors.

We've embarked the vehicle, finally, when I feel I simply cannot drive with her screeching behind me.  I pull over into the empty, snow covered, parking lot of the park directly across the street.  I remove her from the vehicle, lovingly, firmly inform her that I cannot drive safely with her screaming and caterwauling behind me, help her with her coat and hat, "Scream out here all you want. You are welcome back in my car when you're done making that noise."

I keep breathing and recall yesterday when it was time for baby to nurse and rest, I resorted to locking myself in our bedroom to avoid a more serious conflict with her.  It had been a busy morning, back from the gym she had launched, unprompted, into a caterwauling lament about how she wasn't tired and wasn't hungry.  There's a pattern here, and I'm the common thread. Remove myself and alter the pattern, though maybe not as compassionate as I intend (yet), it's all I can muster sometimes.

Back in the snow, 2 minutes or less outside, some impressive lungfuls of air from her, and she calms. Asking for a hug, I'm happy to comply, and then she's eventually back in her seat and we're on our way.

But that's not all...

upon arrival at school, there's more tragedy, most likely trickle down from dramas earlier in the morning. Then hugs, and I'm off, but only to contend with the baby boy hollering fiercely all the way home.

I'm off to crock something for dinner, fold masses of laundry, and maybe get a 1/2 hour or so to sit atop my bike-on-trainer and lift something other than baby weight.

Happy day!

workin' through stress

Such A day...

...Was yesterday, difficult to the max, and although slightly ill, I
handled myself very well up until a belligerent eldest child made
terrible threats during her emotional drunk in the afternoon.
Grateful it passed, we reconciled, and talked about it, all is well
again. There's a pattern there, few and far between, but still a
pattern that can be avoided....praying guidance on How.

Today we awoke to snow. Another spring dowsing, and it continued all
day. After dropping The Younger of the Two at the CEC I was treated
to the final chapter of Houndsley & Catina while I enjoyed a cup of
tea. Then we had fun with our Morning Lesson and got thoroughly
involved with organizing all the previous work we've done. Quite
gratifying to see how far she's come and all the material we've
covered. She's yet to choose work for her final good book or binder,
and I'm excited to see what she chooses.

Whipped up a killer tomato soup, with grilled cheese of course,
followed by quiet time for all. Wiped some more walls down moved some
lighter objects around, and standard housework with some help from
small people amidst their caring for new baby stuffed bunnies.

Aside from maneuvering around The Belly---becoming quite the nuisance,
I'm attempting to remain present and enjoy this, The Last One---An
utterly enjoyable day.

I am so grateful, I am so blessed.

Another Spring Day

There's snow outside again.  Colorado springtime means fat snowflakes fluffing all over my truck.  Frenetic behavior of the weather one never knows if it'll be snow boots or Toms---I remember being so confused our first spring here.  So, we've been installed in the house for little more than a week.  The kitchen is mostly in place, and other rooms are falling into order around that hub.  But only barely falling into order.  There are boxes that won't be unpacked until the walls are painted, or there are shelves and cubbies to store items. Some boxes are such low priority I don't expect to see them until Christmas.  The floors turned out beautifully, and though the fumes were almost unbearable for a few days (for me), it's been lovely getting accustomed to the gentle distinctive creaks.  There is much work to be done improving the place, The Man has all kinds of plans and ideas.  He's alternately infuriated and excited about his self-described "new toy".  I imagine he's somewhat stressed out with the very idea of owning outright considering he's the bread winner right now.  With me rolling around, nearly ready to pop, I'm not much use when it comes to unpacking.  I can really only point and direct boxes to their proper and logical locations.  

I've only just today started to check in on supplies for Baby.  Really beginning to feel a bit of mental pressure to prepare.  Shockingly, when I sorted through the outsized/seasonal item bin, I found only four gender neutral items that would work for an infant. FOUR.  Two short-sleeve onesies (one stained but wearable), and two pair of overalls.  The rest of the items were iddy-biddy dresses for 18m little girl, and a few bigger-girl items I handed immediately to Miss monkey to distribute.  Gratefully diapers are totally taken care of, though I'd probably do well to get a shortlist together including newborn onesies and a few newborn pre-folds.  Then there are bigger ticket items that will postpone easily enough (Ergo carrier), or those I need to retract from friends, sadly.  All will come together though and in due time.

In the mean time,  here's a mandala that Miss Monkey designed and colored of her own accord.

F 2013 April

Snow <3

Snowy snow-snow!  I love the snow. When we were in the house up north as I brushed my car off I would ALWAYS end up smiling.  I don't understand anymore calling weather "bad", "messy", or "ugly". All weather is exciting and beautiful, yes, even the catastrophic kind.
One day soon I will get to shovel again. One day not too distant we will have all the outdoor-fun gear for snowshoeing, skiing, boarding, x-country, winter camping....SO excited! 
We were to head to DBG again for home school day, must phone them to confirm. Happy Day!

Of carts & cocoa

First SNOW of the season, sticking & edible for small children. Hot Cocoa with marshmallow cream, which Little Girl refuses to take advice on how not to burn her mouth. Then maybe she just doesn't have the skill yet. My fault, it's too hot.

Yesterday a hard day, not without bright spots, but overall just difficult. Temper tantrums (mine & hers), whining, and budgeting, add hormones of a very special variety and we're jetisoned into no man's land. In the grocery store, the unwieldy (much motherly-despised) "Car-cart". You may have seen them, Deeper wider grocery cart with a big plastic car attached to the front, in single & double versions. Red for fire engine, blue for police car. I find myself hoping every grocery trip that we won't find one available, and that if there is one available I will only use the single version. The double is just ridiculous. These Car-Carts supposedly keep kids happy & entertained for the duration of shopping---maybe that works if the kids are doped one way or another, or still young enough to be fooled that they might actually be driving. Not so for my child. She'll sit still in it for about 15 minutes, until it really sinks in that she's not getting the chocolate milk/sugar/vending machine surprise that she so desires. Then all bets are off. She's popping her head out muppet-style, she's climbing on the car trying out all possible positions. Upside-down, inside-out, standing hanging out the window, lying across the seat feet hanging left-head hanging right. At one point we met up with another mom & child roughly similar age of Fiona. This mom was having a similar issue with her son. In passing, we both said, almost simultaneously, "Get back IN the car, please!" Her son was hanging out the 'windshield' with a foot apparently stuck between the dual steering wheels---she was unluckily saddled with the double wide Car-Cart. I can at least say that I've learned a new skill. Can I add "expert artful piloting/manipulation of giantous clumsy Fire-Engine Car-Cart fully laden with grocery & child"?

Right now, she's quirming in her seat, "Mama, I want some more, cocoa."

Blizz Buzz

It was a blizzard, an actual blizzard...which I now understand is defined by winds mostly. Looked like any other snow we've had, but it wasn't letting up at all. Then the wind kicked up somethin' fierce---40+mph, I'm told. When it first started, we talked about going outside to play, we almost made it before the gusts started. Fiona was disappointed, but then she hadn't shown much interest in donning anything more than her new fave attire, The Pink Tulle Dress. She's been wearing it practically every day since I purchased it. Only removed to be washed, then it's on again. The tulle has already taken a beating what with the cat, the car seat Velcro, rock climbing, sand sitting---the condition of the dress simply does not matter to her. She loves it intensely, cannot bear to be parted from it much longer than it takes to wash. Yesterday, after arriving home, she made a trip to the potty, I discovered her moments later stripped out of her warm clothes in order to put on The Dress.

Anyway, we talked about the severe weather outside, sitting on the couch looking out the big front window, horizontal snow, garbage cans trekking mid-street, street sign shaking steadily, "See, sweetheart? It wouldn't be much fun to go out in that right now." She said, "A whizzard momma! It's a whizzard!" Too bad she picked up the BL- part of the word very quickly, I wouldn't mind much if she'd wandered about referring to the impressive weather as a "whizzard". We found lots of things to do, it was the first time we'd been home all day, in-doors in a while. Little One actually suggested Hide-and-Seek, to my utter surprise. I was stunned for an instant because it's a completely new game to us, not sure where she picked it up. "Sure! Let's play!" I commenced counting, she went to hide. Wandering about the house, saying all the requisite phrases to enhance anticipation of being found, "Oh, where is Fiona? Where could she be?" And of course, "Where's my little girl?" She hid well, behind some long items hanging from a shelf in the down stair bathroom. Then it was my turn to hide, which I had only a moment to do 'cause Little Girl doesn't count much. I took off away from the bathroom and crouched behind one louvered door of the laundry area. To an adult it was a ridiculous "hiding" place, with a child it's perfect. Fiona, however, did not see me as I thought she might, her attention focused instead on the stairs, and as she ascended them, she's calling out, "Where's my biiiig woman? Where's my big wooooman?" I only barely succeeded in stifling my giggles at that. After Gary came home early (highways were closing) we made blizzard cookies, thoroughly enjoying the spontaneous mini -holiday.

Finally!

We got a decent snowfall! It started in the evening, then all night, and almost all day the following day. SNOW NICE. I got to shovel snow for the first time ever. *grin* Some people mightn't understand this 'fun' with shoveling or 'fun' uncovering the car. I can't help it though, everytime I've had to un-snow the car since we moved I end up smiling. It's just beautiful fluffy SNOW. I need to look up all the other Inuit word for it so that I don't wear out the only one that English has to describe the fabulous frozen rainlets.

Fiona had a great time out there the first day. While I shoveled the back deck, she positioned her wagon special underneath the deck so when the snow fell her wagon filled, and off she trundled with it. Eventually the novelty wore off, most especially when she took off her mittens to get a more intimate hands on experience, and her hands immediately became so cold she was done. Might be that her hands are like mine in that it's painful for them to be cold.

Last night we saw the Broomfield City & County Tree lighting ceremony, which was sweet & simple. Santa arrived in a helicopter completely distracting the crowd from the city council's singing (or lack of singing), it looked as if the fire truck would drive up behind the stage and Santa would make a grand entrance, but---I'm not sure what might've gone wrong here---he ended up just walking up behind the stage and climbing up to the mic. We were lucky enough to be directly in Santa's path on his way to the city building, and he greeted Fiona personally. She was starstruck! And immediately she said, "But wheres deh reindeer, Papa?" We decided the reindeer were on the roof waiting until Santa was done greeting the kids. (This while I'm kicking myself for missing the photo-op.) In the car on the way to Chinese food, Fiona said, she missed Santa & his reindeer and that "made her feel sad". How far we've come in a short 2 years, it's simply astounding.

Holidays underway, everyone! Our very best wishes out to each and every one of you!

Fish Stickers

It's that time again, time for crazed family gatherings, overeating, overspending (although the media loudly proclaims our dire situation), SNOW...where IS the snow? We almost broke a record for late snow. If it hadn't snowed by the 21st it would have been a record, but we got a dusting night before last, so no record. This time last year it was already accumulated somewhat, if I remember correctly we certainly had a snowy Halloween.

Now, re-learning how to speak, or rather how to speak effectively to a two year old takes lots of mindful practice. It cannot be done overnight that's for sure.
"You don't want the toast?" is completely lost on a toddler. Stating the negative (even as a question) will plant the suggestion that she truly does not want the toast, and I'm stuck having just told her that she doesn't want what I'm trying to get her to eat or do. Instead, "Do you want the toast?" usually followed by some tasty description of how good it looks, or simply leaving the toast (or other item) out for her, eventually she'll make her way to it. Then of course there's the complimenting of what a good job she did eating, getting dressed, sitting still, using library voice, etc. Catch more flies with honey than with vinegar---positive reinforcement works wonders.

"Don't stand up!" vs. "Stay seated!" is another communication error, I gratefully remedied early on. Little children must first understand the positive of the statement before they can connect the negative. So, telling an 18 month old "Do NOT stand up" all the child registers is "stand up". "Stay seated" is much more positive and certainly easier for a toddler to understand.
I've realized that positive communication is handy with adults as well. Speaking in the positive, being aware of my semantics, simple changes in my words, "bad" & "good", replaced with "unhealthy" & "healthy." Learning how to say what I want or what the goal is rather than focusing on what I don't want. I have found it much easier on the psyche, less energy-sapping to focus on positives, instead of constant maintenance blocking the negatives.

Telling a toddler what is not allowed is most effective to create a caterwauling child, especially if her goal is the opposite of what I had in mind. However, if I pair it with what she CAN do, then she is distracted with what I've just provided as a new challenge or option, and problem solved. I can fold the laundry, clean the surfaces, remediate messes, in peace. If I really want to distract Little Girl I'll tell her what she CAN do, without mentioning at all what I'm avoiding, a modicum of control without overt display of control.

A small rant aside---
Consider this modicum of control with a governing body. Much of the time we are so concerned with making absolutely sure that we can do something, writ by law, that we forget in defining what we can do we are also defining we cannot do. In turn this creates more and more laws, a bigger government happily telling me how & what to do with my health, money, & time---'cause apparently I'm not smart enough to figure it out myself.

IN THE POTTY???

Yes, she went pee-pee in her potty. I'm almost sure at this point that it was a fluke. The night of Superbowl, before pajamas, after diaper removal, Toddleator ran to the bathroom saying, "Pee-pee! Pee-pee". I didn't think too much of this 'cause she's enjoyed sitting on the potty, "pretending" since Santa brought it at Christmas. When she came back to put on her jammies, I noticed her bum was damp, on the way to the bathroom I checked for puddles, there were none---there was pee in the little potty though! WOW, Gary & I were both amazed. In the 48 hours since then though the process has not repeated itself. So, no biggie, it's a process, it takes time to learn to potty.

On another note, NEVER let an alert toddler know that you are also "awake" at 3am. Fiona had been lively, talking & playing, for almost a half hour; I had to potty, she heard me and started in with the "Mommy? Mommy...mommy...mommy?" When I did go to her and groggily explained in a whisper that it was still nighttime, time for sleeping...she had a full-on squealin'-mad tantrum in her crib. I think she awoke thinking it was dawn, the snow was so very bright outside. After attempting to console her, a quick diaper change in the crib, and then talking to her about how sad she must be (it certainly sounded that way), explaining a few times that it was indeed still night...I gave up and figured she'd cry it out, which she did. Eventually quieting at about 4:30 I think. Needless to say the following day was a bit rough for us both.

Windshields & Toddler feedings

It snowed a bunch last night, kept me from going out for Moms night out with MOMS Club. Very disappointing. Today, I learned all about the de-icer stuff I'm supposed to have in my windshield wiper fluid. It snows, the snowplows roam about dropping de-icing stuff, most road snow melts, making muddy slush thrown up in car-wakes just like when it rains. Driving on the highway with a really dirty windshield, into the sun, the vehicles ahead only resemble shadows...I got off the highway. At every stop I hopped out, grabbed some snow and wiped the drivers' side of the windshield. When I found a gas station, a really pleasant humor-driven exchange between me and the classical gran'pa behind the counter took the edge off my ignorance. Alas, whatever remained of my original wiper fluid was frozen in the bowels of my car, clogging the intake for the wiper sprayers. Would that I had a $100k car that had the pipes wired with the defroster, I know they exist. By the way, can you guess what a snurd is?

Toddler feedings can be intense. This of course depends upon your level of involvement. If one has reasonable expectations then all will be well, damage is minimized. Otherwise, a giant mess, a toddler that hasn't eaten, and a terrible headache.
We recently revamped our strategy switching from separate all-inclusive high chair to table-side high chair (just like those in the restaurant) with a splat mat. The Peg-Perego we had been working with was just fine for the house on Maui, and the house in California...but it was just too cumbersome for this place. Splat mats are fantastic, everyone should have one, I might even slip one under Gary's chair. When something spills it's easier to clean up if it has fallen on a plasti-coated canvas mat, instead of our less-than-a-year-old-rug. Now, I just need to work on my spill reaction---meaning my reaction to the Toddleator's self-feeding antics. (Her latest is taking sips of milk only to spit them into her water cup.) I just haven't gotten comfortable with the notion that whatever she spills won't be too hard to clean up, 'cause it's on the splat mat! My reaction is still geared to "o-sh*t-there-she-goes-again-another-big-mess-I-have-to-clean" or the ever simpler "g'dammit!!" Which really isn't the best impression to give someone trying to learn how to feed themselves. I worry that I might instill some ridiculous fear in her of spilling things, or worse yet, teach her to think less of herself and worry too much about me. Along those same lines I try to react reasonably to other normal toddler antics, like tantrums, semi-messy explorations, and dangerous explorations. The fact is, I've done well enough so far that when she's exploring something she shouldn't be, and I react too harshly, the little girl just goes to pieces. Now that may be a phase, but I'm hoping that some of it sticks around. I think all children innately want to please their parents, looking for acceptance from the first humans they know and love. "Mother, is the word for God on the lips and hearts of all children."

I hope that we're able to show Fiona consistency with love and acceptance, and discipline (the teaching, guiding kind, not the spanking kind if we can help it). How would you feel if someone hit you just because you were having a bad day and needed to show it? (Now this refers to very young children who aren't developmentally capable of intentional misbehavior) *sigh*

An aside, if mother is the word for god, is it any wonder masses of people agree with vengeful god ideas when they were taught at such a young age to fear their personal gods, their parents?

Toy rant and the fluffy stuff

Why is it SO difficult to find toys that aren't made in China?
I already know the answer(s), outsourcing, cheaper labor & materials, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't alleviate my frustration though, AND it has caused me, on more than one occasion, to question Chinese motives. They've capitalized on American Capitalism, have they "one-upped" us? A country that can "do" capitalism better than we can?? I think we're outnumbered.
Even the 'European' toys, designed in Switzerland, Germany, or Holland, are manufactured in China. One of my favorite toy-sites at least has the awareness to post a list of all the toy makers' design location versus manufacturer location. Of course, the toys that are designed & made in the same country are a bit more expensive than those made in China. Have you ever been to a Mills' Mall? Colorado Mills, Grapevine Mills, Katy Mills, etc. They're everywhere and if one were to look at the manufacturer labels attached to items in those malls, overwhelmingly it's all made in China. It freaks me out.

ANYWAY, It's snowing again, I think that's the 4th time since we moved that the fluffy white stuff has covered the ground here. And you can bet I'll keep talking about it well into January or later. It's such a NEW thing for us.
We've played in the snow some, took a walk in the park early Sunday morning. Washington Park is even better covered with snow. Unable to see the trails, curbs, driveways, it's just one gorgeous open space, covered in powdery snow. There were plenty of people out that morning with their dogs, Fiona would loved to have trotted across 2 acres to visit with the boisterous puppies, but Gary had safety in mind---and he's right, a bite to the face when The Toddleator is in the wrong place at the wrong time is worth avoiding.
Fiona's getting used to putting on all the gear before we go out, I'm getting better with keeping track of the hats, gloves, mittens, snowsuit, and coats. I'd still like to purchase a winter baby-sack that fits with the jogger so that we can go for walks. I haven't yet tried jogging in the snow, though I've seen plenty of people wearing all manner of gear, and some with just shorts & tee-shirt---wow. It looks like fun, but with out the right stuff I'm betting parts of me would freeze and break off. (Note: jogger snowshoes at right)

How many times can Fiona say Mamma in a day? I've no idea, but sometimes I start wishing she would say anything else. Mostly her dialogue consists of, "Mamma, mamma,mammamammamammamammamamma....puppieee, cTaht (cat), puppieee....no, mammamammamammamammamammamammamamma, cTaht, cTaht, puppieee, PAAPPAAA, Papa....meaow, meaow, mamamamamamamamamamama, mammiee...MAMA...
NO, noooooo, no...baahh-byyye." repeat, and then some. Those are her favorite words. I think maybe anxiously awaiting her to talk was, well, misplaced. BUT, it's fun to hear her babbling about everything, pointing and talking about what she sees out the window (mostly snow lately), when she sees something out the car window she has to get my attention to then sign what she's seen. Fiona has begun combining signing with talking, signing phrases, and then there are the times when she gets distracted from her original aim, and after she's got my attention her dialogue sort of wanders off to neverland. She likes to pooch out her lips when she wants a kiss, and will immediately start calling for her Papa when we arrive home after some errand. She's a tiny tenacious, vivacious, little person. She's got a moment to moment agenda, it's mesmerizing to watch her play. One of her favorite things to do lately is diaper, clothe, and feed her stuffed animals. I think it's about time for a proper baby doll!

SNOW

YAY our first snow, we didn't think it would stick that much. A few hours & 4 inches later it stopped, there are still patches of ice today in small areas that don't get much light (I guess). Fiona liked it so much she started loading her pocket with it, a couple of days after the snow she made a game of harvesting what was left of the snow in the yard & putting it in a bucket to keep.
Not too much to report, Mammee & Pahbah we're just pluggin' along. I've been training, Gary's been working, & Fiona's a little tenacious, precocious baby-girl!