Applespoons & Meatballs Too

Dirt Soup b.k.a. Alkinizing Broth

2012-02-15T08:53:00.001-07:00

When I was little playing outside, I would make soup with leaves, wild garlic, acorns, sticks, and different soils for seasoning. Something I have always loved about soups, creating a bowl of warm nourishment from water and a few choice ingredients. This past week or or so I have made luscious lentil soup, kick azz chicken curry stew, and a beautiful black bean soup. I have learned not to rely on salt as the "go to" spice, none of those bountiful bowls had any added salt.
It's rather comforting to make "wild" soup for real as an adult. This is the Alkinizing Broth we are to have for afternoon snack.
Happy Day!

Phase 1: Cleanse Day 5(6)

2012-02-12T07:07:00.003-07:00

Some observations from the past few days:
The siren song of the macaroni & cheese with peas was almost too much to bear. I'm really aware now of how I would taste here and there of what I cook. Toddleator E's turkey dogs smell so wonderful, and when I licked a finger it was so lovely. One night, the plate of apples, cheese, and turkey for Miss Monkey was very inviting. I do so miss cheese! She did very much enjoy the shrimp in the stir fry. It's been a treat eating really tasty food that looks pretty, too.

My energy levels throughout the day have been steady, unless I'm on shorter sleep from a later than usual evening. I've been sleeping well, waking easily, though I plan to wake earlier as I rev up the training. I have to train otherwise I can't race. There is a bike trainer on it's way to me right now, pretty exciting to coordinate with The Man to bike/run in the mornings while chi'ren are sleeping.

Most interesting, I think is the new silence in my thoughts regarding what I eat vs. workouts. A gymnamom brought homemade cinnamon rolls one morning. I realized my cravings for sugar have subsided such that I didn't even consider eating one, they looked pretty tasty but I had not the slightest inkling to actually eat one. In the same moment I also realized there was silence in my thoughts around whether or not I needed to get to the gym myself that morning. I was completely serene, and it dawned on me that because I'd been eating so well the tape had shut down. I no longer need to berate myself for what I'm eating or not eating---Victory!
A few weeks ago I would try to time my meal and my workout that I'd have energy but not starve myself. I can workout anytime now because my energy levels don't wax & wane through the day---now, if we get the logistics figured out, it'll be golden!

p.s. I do miss coffee, too, that wonderful hot cuppa in the morning, or decaf in the afternoon. I miss the taste and smell. For now, lemon water with cayenne as been warming enough before the daily breakfast smoothie.

2012-02-07T21:02:00.005-07:00

A weeknight.

"Miss Monkey, your food is on the table."

I proceed to eat my dinner, along with Toddleator E, and 25 minutes later the Firstborn's food is untouched.

"Your food will be on the table for 20 more minutes," while explaining what that looks like on the clock facing the table where she sits.

Time elapses as I hit the kitchen duty, I watch the clock. Time is up, I go to the table and remove her plate.

Oh, but she's "not fed", she's "still hungry", "this is bullsh*t!", "you're not my momma!"...later after she's in her room, more "sh*t" and creative insults thrown about. Some banging and thrashing occur. I offer her a empathetic hug, she refuses, she's just too too angry with me. I prepare the Smaller of The Two for bed.

The Man was late coming home last night, soon after I greet him at the door he can hear the lamentable screaming and cursing emanating from Miss Monkey's room.

Eventually she quiets because she passes out. Later I try to assist her to get into pajamas but she refuses, thrashing at me in her sleep. Of course, she's awake at some silly hour scoping food in the pantry, then ends up asleep on the couch, where we found her this morning with a jar of peanut butter. Consequence today that she's been less than pleasant and has to take a nap before gymnastics. Oh, and when The Man heard her insulting me he decided to enforce the "no sweet things out, no sweet things in" rule...for the next 4 days (and then some with what I heard enforcing rest time).

Last night was fairly easy, but today has been hard because I was awake last night as well. Tired mommas do not parent well, we resort to yelling. I do not like to yell. At the same time I loathe to be on the recieving end of crappy behavior while everyone else outside gets to see the sweet-girl (save her coaches, that is), and when I've had enough, I have had enough. It's progress, not perfection though---and I have progressed so very far. Here I go, growing forward.

And when she wakes from nap, she's a different person. Sweet and cooperative, easy going nature returned. The evening ends amicably after gymnastics and dinner, she's back to "normal".

Sheesh.

Phase I: Cleanse Day 1.5

2012-02-07T14:43:00.003-07:00

Diet from the Latin dieta meaning "way of living". I've never ever been a "dieter". The way we ate was okay, but not ideal. So now were in dieta boot camp.

I am so very glad that I weaned myself off all the bread and sugar last week, rather than go cold turkey this week. I guess I didn't realize how much bread, dairy, and sugar I was eating. Monday through Sunday last week I totaled 3 pieces of baguette, 1 small square of cheddar, 1slice homemade whole wheat toast, 1 ancient grain tortilla, then 2 slices of pizza(with cheese and veggies), partial almond-cranberry muffin's top, and then cheese on the chicken nachos for Superbowl Sunday. As for sugar, I cut it completely out, save a couple pieces of dark chocolate, and 3 Samoa cookies post-nacho. The rest of my calories were all fibrous green stuffs, nuts, lean (or mostly lean as we were cleaning out the fridge) proteins and a few corn chips.

I did have a sneaking headache the first 2 days of the weaning, and was convinced I was terribly hungry though I think it was my body's reaction to the almost total lack of carbohydrates...especially dairy, gawd I love my yogurt and cheeses. By Wednesday last I leveled out nicely, and felt cravings dissipate while my energy level was consistent throughout the day. I have noticed that when I am hungry, the gap between the initial hunger trigger and going into blood-sugar crash, is longer. So, that's a plus. I am not starving myself, I eat when I'm hungry. But what I'm eating has been locked down to a very few things in order to cleanse the whole system out. I (rather my husband who stood and asked) got a bead on how much more I should be eating with endurance training. The answer was 1/2 again as much as called for (i.e. 25 almonds means ~37 for endurance training). Thus far the recipes have been lovely. I especially enjoyed the Kale Salad, and the Super-Green smoothie has been great to start the day. Instead of coffee, I've been enjoying (yes, enjoying) hot water with 1/2 a lemon juiced + a liberal pinch of cayenne. Very warming for the morning, and not dehydrating.

The shopping was done in a marathon 3.5 hour span with trips to CostCo and Sunflower Market, yet we both agreed that we'll have to start frequenting Vitamin Cottage. This week has been pretty breezy, no headache, no energy lags, though I do have to keep on top of what I have about me for snacking. It's an adjustment logistically.

The small people have not been coerced into eating the same as The Man and I, it wouldn't be fair. There is some trickle down effect---last night's kid dinner was salmon rolled in ancient grain tortilla with edamame side. I'm so excited to get the cleanse done though, and start Phase II introducing items slowly to see how the body responds. Plus, I got the Rouse's cookbook as well, and happy to get going with Miss Monkey on the kid recipes in it. The Man & I both miss cheese and yogurt a whole lot.

All in all, Mission Optimum Wellness is a green for go-go-go.

Kale Salad

Optimum Wellness

2012-02-01T22:07:00.000-07:00

What is it? Wellness is a choice. A couple of weeks ago I remarked to a friend that if someone would hand me all the tools to completely makeover our pantry, I'd be totally into eating cleaner and more sustainably. My Loving Husband and I attended a Wellness Event hosted by Dr. James Rouse, where we were handed the tools to do just this. Complete with menu, shopping list, recipes, and explanations for both phases one of which is a gentle 3 week cleanse. I picked up the Rouses' cook book as well, Colorado Fit Kitchen, it's beautifully loaded with good for you food.
So, for the first few days both The Man and I have been without flour products, dairy, and sugar of any kind.

It's challenging...and I'm hungry.
In fact, I'm hungry often enough in the past 3 days to wonder if there isn't something awry with my metabolic process/blood sugar/insulin. I'll be checking in here to chronicle this adventure and it's affects with triathlon training, yoga practice, parenting, and the rest.

My favorite quote from Dr. Rouse;
"Every time you eat is an opportunity to show your [body] love."

2012-01-22T21:03:00.000-07:00

I pulled a fleshy, clammy, bitten-on, hotdog chunk out of my Pack-A-Be pocket---thank you Toddleator.

The Firstborn daughter, speaking to an African-American woman today regarding this woman's dislike of chocolate, says in a sweet matter-of-fact way, "you're chocolate colored, so you don't need any more chocolate anyway!"

The little one runs around "nahkeee!" (naked!) this evening, mimicking a book "I not coot!" ("I'm not cute")

The bigger one's confidence and articulate conversation are a common compliment.

We have a lovely weekend.

Atomic Melt Down Gymnast-style

2012-01-20T12:18:00.000-07:00

It finally happened, as I knew it would. F had an utter and complete melt down during her team practice last night. An atomic tantrum for all to hear, such that her Coach kicked her out of practice for the remaining 45 minutes or so. Rightly, Miss Coach E worked as much as she could with The Firstborn, but given several chances finally had to resort to separating her from the group.

When I arrived to retrieve her at the regular time, F told me of her poor behavior, and Coach took me aside to give me the blow by blow. Apparently it started with whining and unusual fear around a skill that F already knows, it escalated to crying and louder whining, then hollering and screaming, finally culminating with cursing and screaming for the whole gym to hear (albeit she'd already been removed from practice at that point).

I'm so proud.

That is in heavy {sarc} font, I'm not proud. I'm rather embarrassed, except when I remember that she's only 5.5 years old, a passionate perfectionist already, and had already been "on" all day at the National Western Stock Show. I also remember that her behavior is hers and hers alone. Yes, I'm responsible partly, because I'm her Momma, but only to a degree. I do my best to model appropriate expressions of anger and frustration (I've grown a long way in the past few years), there's a point where I end and she begins, however. My biggest lesson as a parent, and what I realized early with this first daughter, was how to apologize for my behavior. To make sure she knows that I am not perfect, I make mistakes, and I make amends. The tough part comes with carrying through the living amends---that the apologetic words don't end up meaningless. Ah, there's the rub.

So, to those who were in the gym last night and might think I'm a bad mother because my daughter has a terrible temper, I say, "Examine yourself first before judging."

To the Rising Tigers' Coaches, E & C, I say a loving "Thank You."

Thank You for your patience and understanding. It's a big deal to ensure that children feel safe to emote, even if it's ugly.

Thank You for not shaming her, eventually Miss Monkey will learn what is appropriate and what isn't (pray sooner than later).

Thank You for being an example of compassion and Thank You for not taking it personally.

Why I hate The Lion King

2012-01-11T06:35:00.003-07:00

Yes, I've seen the whole movie. My little sister watched it non-stop for a year or so as a small child. And now I have kids. I know I can't protect them from everything, most especially I'm aware that I cannot control what they'll see at Kids Club. The young girls employed there know how I feel about children's movies. If the screen must be on, I hope they put some thought into what the littles are absorbing.

The Lion King's entire plot is based on a murder. It doesn't matter that the whole thing comes around in the "circle of life" in a glowing rainbows & bubblegum pure Disney style. There would be no story if Uncle Scar hadn't committed fratricide.

If this was a story using real people, or kids, instead of cute friendly lions, would it be appropriate for little kids?

No. At most it might be all right for young adults.

I appreciate the classic Shakespearean drama story line, but find little value in the "circle of life" afterthought when I've had to accept murder as the main driver of the plot. The true circle of life doesn't include murder or betrayal. Most disturbing to me is that it seems most parents will overlook this and feed kids' minds (more subtly, their souls) with this crap. Several years ago, that Disney thought that it was okay to show kids their worst fear, loss of a parent, is disgusting and terrible.

And if one's mind immediately goes to the "I watched it and I'm okay" or "that's just the way it is", please re-examine. If it doesn't add value, or teach a Truth about our human lives, or worse if the message is so garbled by complication and drama---why add it into an already jam-packed media life?

I want to set the an example of simplicity and ease with life, and it really can be simple when we allow it. Keep it simple with kids, it's easier on me and on them. We cannot complain about what we get out of our children if we are un-conscious about what we're feeding these little beings' minds and souls.

L&L Report

2012-01-07T21:06:00.003-07:00

The Toddleator has been brought into the "Uh-Oh, bedroom-time, you-can-come-back-when-you-can-be-sweet/friendly/gentle" song. If she doesn't like what I'm saying, screams over and over in obvious defiance as I'm talking, it's "Uh-Oh". If she's not listening to my request of "stop" usually related to safety or mitigation of messes, it's ""Uh-Oh". If there's excessive hitting, it's "Uh-Oh." Throwing or spitting food, it's "uh-oh." Recently she's been really pushing her limits, and I have to remember 1) not to warn her over and over, 2) not to lose my cool--it's too entertaining.

One day this week, a little trip outside I used "All those who listen to mommy can stay outside longer." Incredibly, she processed the info and came right back to me. Sometimes it takes a solid 5 seconds before my direction has been filtered through her ears, into the head, trickled down through her body to the toes, then back up to the brain to be received...it's the processing time I've also got to remember. Toddlers don't think as quickly as adults or bigger kids, they're still forming all those neural pathways. So, it's my discretion whether she's being defiant or the information hasn't percolated enough yet.

Darth Siddius--yes I'm aware it should be Sidious, but really prefer our spelling 'cause it's too close to the word insidious, and didn't want to prematurely label him Kitten of Doom. Anyway, Darth Siddius has proven quite a test of listening for the Younger of The Two. We find ourselves in almost constant verbal cycle of "put the kitten down please...that hurts kitten...no touch kitty please...all done kitten," repeat, repeat, repeat. I've noticed that if he really doesn't want to play he'll run away from her, if he does and plays too rough then she'll run away from him (in tears of course). They will eventually work out some balance. It's highly unusual for small children to really hurt an animal, especially if the animal in question can squirm, scratch, and bite enough to defend itself if in discomfort. The Firstborn learned her lesson with Porter...eventually.

Miss Monkey's tantrums have definitely subsided from the early changing-of-method fireworks.

She hates when I reply, "Maybe so" when she says "This is/You're stupid!" She'll yell at me, "Stop saying 'Maybe so'!" *win*

As she's stomping and screaming up the stairs, "Hey, could you be a bit louder? I think the neighbors missed that one." She screams, "No!" *win* ---also works in public.

When she curses, and she does say something like, "I think she is/you are sh*t!" lately only while already in her room. "Oh, thanks for your creativity, you can come out when you're sweet." One day on an errand to the bank, this came back on her, she wanted a lollipop. "Oh, you know, sweet things don't come out of your mouth, sweet things don't go in." It was doubly sad when baby sister did get a lolly. *win*

At my last Love & Logic Class I asked if it's permissible to keep a notebook of poor decisions awaiting consequences. I found it difficult to keep track of delayed consequences, i.e. refusing to contribute to household one day might mean not going to the park a couple of days later, my memory mayn't be that great in some circumstances. So I started the notebook and decided I needed clarify to Miss Monkey it's purpose, and since then haven't have to use it at all. *win*

I love that when she wants something at the store, I simply ask if she brought her wallet. Today all I had to do was utter a quiet, "uuoohhhhhhh" and the immediate look I received was a *win* and then total compliance.

My favorite phrases lately:

"How do you think this is going to work out for you?"

and

"I think that's a pretty poor decision, pretty sure it'll work out poorly for you."

Happy Momma here.

Mommy to Mommy

2012-01-06T15:42:00.000-07:00

Hungry? cranky mommy.

Angry? irritable mommy.

Lonely? snappish, tired mommy.

Ill? worthless mommy, not-a-thing gets done and kids watch a lot of movies.

Tired? cranky-snappish-irritable mommy.

Hormonal and missed a few workouts? downright homicidal mommy.

I find myself wandering the kitchen in circles cleaning spots and repetitively opening the fridge or eyeballing the pantry contents, I'm hungry, a state I can remedy quickly (and gratefully).

Lonely can be subversive, it's difficult to identify right away. Easily remedied with a phone call or two, possibly a face-to-face with other mommies.

Illness is something only time will cure though, and the household screen serves as a right-good sedative for small people.

Sleepiness is one thing I cannot remedy, not immediately anyway. It's not as if I can simply go take a nap whenever I might need to, and I certainly can not sleep in. Fatigue is a related but different creature. Fatigue creeps in when I'm over-scheduling, stretching myself too thin with additional responsibility volunteering or activities. Fatigue can overcome more slowly, more insidiously, and sometimes lead into a depression.

Anger is an issue that is also remedied with phone-a-friend venting session---usually. Other times I find that it isn't anger at all, but rage. Rage, for me, is directly proportional to lack of self-care. If I've become to lax around my spiritual, emotional, and physical fitness---or hindered in my care, as with illness---I trip directly to rage when pushed. Which segues into homicidal mommy, easily linked also to hormones.

Lock jaw, teeth gritting, eyes bulging, colorless thin lips ready to chomp on sweet tear-stained cheeks. It's sometimes barely restrained and connected directly with a learned stoicism, a stoicism bordering on dangerous martyrdom. When I'm operating from a spiritual and emotional deficit I become "not-so-great-leaning-toward-terrible" mommy. Sometime these little people demand so much from me, I become so drained that I have nothing left to give. As sad as it is to admit I sometimes can not bring myself to hug my Littles for deeper fear I might hurt them, it's real. This confounding ambivalence drives me to balance my personal needs with what my children and family need of me. When any-mom's needs are not met, reactions are skewed and explode sideways harming innocent bystanders. That's been my experience. I've come to realize that emotions are just as intoxicating as other less legal options. It might feel really good to let fly all sorts of Terrible and Horrendous, sometime I barely realize it's happening until it's too late. But after, there is more emptiness, and I find guilt and much despair. Growth evidence as I no longer pretend that nothing happened. In my new form I am better at admitting my mistakes and apologizing. Without changed behavior, apologies mean nothing. Reacting to poor behavior with more poor behavior isn't loving. I've nothing to lose by responding while in a thinking state and if I can't find my "thinking state" I may come back to the problem later.

To counteract the cycle, I pray, I meditate, I exercise, I connect and belong...in person.

I become still, and know.

It's challenging to alter the pattern, to break the chain, to change the legacy. It can feel insurmountable, but I am living here in this moment, not all moments at once. I need only this one moment to begin all moments following.

Pray? graceful mommy full of ease.

Meditate? peaceful, thoughtful mommy.

Exercise? joyful mommy.

Connection & Belonging? loving mommy.

I am.

edited to add: my palms sweat and tingle with the real-ness of this post, rigorous honesty is uncomfortable as is putting myself out 'there'

House Arrest

2012-01-06T10:59:00.000-07:00

Or rather self-imposed quarantine. It started with the Younger of The Two (Toddleator E) with a nose running as a faucet, culminated a couple days later with a 104.9 F in the Elder of The Two (Miss Monkey), then me, of course, in the fray with some wicked head congestion.

I have not driven my car in 5 days, but gave it a once-over clearing kid-detritus. We've been inside for almost a week straight. Save a few moments outside to re-arranged garbage & recycles, or check the mail, then a brief outdoor "bonfire" build with Miss Monkey while the weather has been unseasonably warm (as is the habit of weather fronts here, beautiful then freezing & snow). Not my chosen way to start a New Year, but at least I can say we're over it, and it won't be returning. Is it consequence from stretching so thin prior to Christmas?

So, it's day 5 and we're finally all free of fever, I wonder how I'll keep my sanity if we don't get out and do something, even if it is a menial errand. I hear pleasant play interspersed with squealing wails of frustration or hurt feelings. Parts of me kind of enjoy the forced quiet and slow down of illness (shh! don't tell Perfect Mommy Club). It feels when the Littles do return to normal that they are ++active, as if they're making up for lost time.

Christmas Kitten, Darth Kittius(Siddius), has been brought fully into the fold. Porter mostly tolerates kitten's surprise pounces, and Toddleator E "hohlps" him by squeeze-carrying him until he struggles free. We certainly can't head to the gym or hang out with buddies the way we all sound, horking up gunk and sneezing out the goo. It simply wouldn't be kind to others around us.

At least I've saved on gas.

The Cats Pajamas

2011-12-30T07:44:00.003-07:00

The Kitten. Of late, rightfully named Darth Siddius, as he has been an absolute nuisance at night and the wee hours of the mornings. It's rather like having a new baby in the house, at least that's my reference last I felt this sleep disturbed.

After her laborious endeavor to ensure receiving a "real live kitten" from St. Nick, Christmas morning the mewing package was opened. The Firstborn is enamored of her feline to a point of distraction--which may not be saying much as she is a 5.5 year old.

kittenish in kitten pajama, with real, live, kitten

proper 'crazed' look of kitten

Porter was, er, less than enthused about Darth Kittius (code name: Breakfast Cheese). After 4 days, the elder cat has begun venturing out from under the bedside tables (where he hissed and mowled at kitten's attempts to play) to his usual haunts. We plied him with canned wet food, a rare treat, and a new collar with proper tag. He is slowly becoming accustomed to the new addition. To get a taste of what it's like cat + kitten, see Double Trouble.

Happy Christmas to All

2011-12-25T19:23:00.001-07:00

Busy bodies cramming visits amidst holiday errands and common responsibilities.

A tree arrives.

Soft needles, strong gorgeous scent, beating light heart,

the growing familial collection of ornaments.

Family visiting, pleasant and playful. Uncle and Auntie then exit graceful.

Hidden gifts, secreted away, finally reappear brightly wrapped.

Excitement excruciating for little girls,

counting days down.

Warm Christmas kitchen, spiced nuts and gingerbread. Oh-so-delightful aromas fill my home.

Gifts abound, goodwill is great.

Above all

spending time, making memories with dear friends, enjoying each presence,

better than presents.

The Spirit of Christmas is alive and well here, as I wish it with you as well.

Love & Light this season,

Ada

Building materials

2011-12-23T23:19:00.001-07:00

We held it together until we thought it was stuck, but then there was a holiday landslide...it's all about the process though, no? It was a valiant effort. And after a few mouthfuls of candy we had to "stop serving" The Firstborn as it didn't bode well for dinner.

As it's about the journey, there is something to add here about building materials for long term friendships, this is one. It's about the effort paired with presence, nothing whatever to do with quantity, it's all about quality.

Nuts!

2011-12-23T23:16:00.001-07:00

Holiday Nuts outside? Better put some inside as well.

My Brain Baby

2011-12-05T11:53:00.001-07:00

I've been pregnant of sorts with a brain baby, and idea on my mind since February or so, finally came to fruition this past weekend, and here is the story...

I have a challenging, tenacious, outspoken five year olddaughter. It was her first summer daycamp and she was having some problems adjusting. One night after a trying day, an ideaoccurred to me, to tape affirming adjectives to her pajamas as sheslept…”calm”, “respectful”, “cooperative”, “loving”. I had just learned about Masaru Emoto’s workwith positive & negative phrases and water crystals. I figured, well, humans are mostly water itcouldn’t hurt to try it.

It was as if a switch flipped. She awoke her sweet self the next morning andhad very good days at camp thereafter.

With this success I ruminated on the idea. Our homeschool co-op utilizes The FamilyVirtues Guide of The Virtues Project. Taking this as inspiration to myadjective idea a strike of mental lightning gave me my first three or soword-triplet designs. It had to be “IAM” statements, adjectives that are interrelated and would aid me to be my BestSelf.

Once I had the matured concept on the brain, it wouldn’tleave me alone. I love a soft, qualitytee-shirt with a stylish pair of jeans, my mommy uniform. If that shirt were to help me, “Patient,Loving, Kind,” with my daily endeavors to raise human beings AND if my dynamicdaughter will wear a comfy tee that states, for instance “Peaceful, Respectful,Cooperative”, making my mommin’ even a little easier—I am all for it!

Of course, with all of this I became compelled to share this success with others. After some tribulation withthe How to get it done, I settled on hand stenciling the shirts. Until I receive a massive order, I will enjoythe total customization possibilities, and the artistry of it all (I have hadto begrudgingly admit I am an artist).

So, here we are. Joyfully moving forward on this new adventure! This is LOViNTee, positively wearable.

the booth!

the table and design book

Logo on back of tees

Offspring Update

2011-11-28T04:41:00.001-07:00

Miss Monkey has learned to tie her shoes! And prefers tying everything else that she can get her paws on as well, I spent an eon of a moment waiting for her to tie the strings on my Thanksgiving blouse. Little Girl has also decided that she wants a kitten for Christmas. There is hesitation because after all she is 5.5 years old---really, The Man is hesitant, I am all for it. Santa gives us a tip on where to look for kittens that need a home, set it up that kitty will be here for Christmas morning, and away we go. Learning responsibility caring for another creature is a big deal, and I'm excited for this milestone. In case Santa had any reservation about bringing a kitten to her, The Firstborn has made him a goodie-bag with a hand made (and much belabored) kitten necklace. I'm not sure how to feel about this apparent tendency to butterSanta up before asking for what she wants, I need to explore the trend a bitmore. She spent almost an entire afternoon drawing pictures for Santa, adding to the little cupcake sack. I figure we'll hand deliver her carefully written letter and the goodies when we meet Santa after Family Christmas. So fun!

She's really been impressing the homeschool Mamas with her social skills in the discussion circle, it's so interesting to see her strengths (and weaknesses) play out. Watching her problem solving has been amazing lately, especially since we stopped solving problems for her. F is truly a social wonder, knows everyone in her Sunday class, and now and then laments that we haven't seen so-and-so lately. It's already a challenge to keep up with the social calendar, I can't imagine what it'll look like in years to come. The necklace for Santa was especially neat as Miss Monkey apparently when up to the play room with an idea and a plan, then worked so intently that when she finally came to the point of stringing it together and the plan went slightly awry, she needed some calming before she could continue. She continues to daily amaze me, which means we're on the right track I think.

The Toddleator E has been exploring new areas of expressing herself. Though picking up new words daily, and echoing much of what we've said, I still have to pay rather close attention to understand the baby-slurred words, and some phrases, coming out of her. She is too too silly, and makes jokes sometimes at her sister's expense, it's especially entertaining as she mocks big sister when F is having a tough time attitudinal-ly. Signing has been interwoven with speaking, and I've had to be sure to differentiate between "sign" and "say" when she's attempting communication. Lamenting hungrily in the kitchen I heard "I-jus'-wan'-eeeeaat!" over and over. Recently, reported by The Man; Toddleator E heard some gaseous emanation of his, she pointed to his behind and signed diaper change as if asking him, "do you need a change of pants after that one?"

One of E's favorite things to do is throw things in the garbage, "'darge" as she says. I witnessed her accidentally scattering clothing as she dragged her basket to the bedroom. I mentioned the clothes sprinkled down the hall, she came right back and picked them up then putting the items in her cabinet. One of the biggest differences I've noticed thus far, E really likes to have her hands clean, does not enjoy spilling things on herself, and is generally different from her sister this way. This baby girl really enjoys the sounds that items make, banging, rattling, cracking...when she discovers a new sound she'll pause and repeat the action over and over until she's gotten enough. Since that day when she joyously and proudly walked 'round the kitchen, she's mastered walking and loves to trot from room to room. One of the best noises, for us, is that mini-thud-thud-thud of the toddler trot across a floor. Of course, we run into the little terribles now and then, she is after all a toddler. I'm a veteran with tantrums now (plus Love & Logic) it's a lot more fun and less work. She's been Little Miss Contradiction lately, asking for something and then squealing when it's handed to her. We learned quickly to set things down nearby rather than get sucked into her dramatics. We have potties strategically ready for the moment Toddleator E decides she's really ready to learning toileting. Though she'll practice sitting on the potty, nothing has, er, produced yet. She does however, let me know when she's wet her diaper, then staunchly refuses a change (Contradiction, right?).

Love'em, feed'em, they grow. It's miraculous, not only that it's truly simple, but that they've their own very particularly individual personas arising that aren't necessarily dependent on my parenting skills. NEAT-O.

edited to add: A note about teeth. The Younger has cut 4 molars just recently and really enjoys using them. The Firstborn looks forward to losing some, she appears envious when one of her cohorts shows their gap tooth smile.

Dear Fellow Patron...

2011-11-21T13:25:00.001-07:00

Dear fellow 24 HourFitness patron,

While I appreciatethat your dogs are “doing their job” as living alarms hanging out in your car,they are extremely aggressive. It is anexcessive challenge to wrestle small children and babies into a vehicle whilecrazed German Shepherds lunge from neighboring vehicle’s windows. Please look at nearby vehicles in the future,check for infant seats or child boosters, and park farther away. As a responsible dog owner, I know you’llunderstand.

Thank you.

Oh the feelings that were induced with this incident. A visceral fear, an anger that any-mama wouldunderstand. It's the second time I’veexited the gym to see this vehicle parked next to mine under rare shade of thegym lot. I stared down the slightly smaller canine in the back seat, but thelarger one wouldn’t calm, I actually raised my hand as if to strike and watchedthe reactive animal become even more agitated. A gentleman with an air of PoliceOfficer in (my guess) an un-marked car witnessed the entire scene.

He asked, "Are you okay?"

I replied, “Yes. Ithink so. But I don’t like it.”

“I don’t either,” he said.

“I’d like to say or do something, but it’s aparking lot, I mean, really [gesturing to space] what could be done?”

It actually flitted through my head to maskmy fear—incredulous my internal dialogue became, “what?? of course I’m scaredand I should be!” The man in the vehicleoffered me some mace, I refuse because I understand that the dogs are doingwhat they’ve been trained to do, to react with fight or flight anger. I am not a basal animal, and I can respondwith greater thought and compassion. Ihad to wait a few moments before I wrote the note though.

Thank You Gratitude

2011-11-21T05:08:00.001-07:00

I'm likening gratitude to a steam engine. Some days it's challenging to get it going, the wheels might slip with that initial forward chug, but once the momentum has gotten the best of the weight of my activities, gratitude is self perpetuating. This moment gives birth to the next. If I fill this moment with gratitude, the next moment can't help but bring blessings.

A is for abilities, of which I have many (apple pie, too, I made for The Man's birthday).
B is for bounty, which will be on our table this Thursday.
C is for cat, Porter is older than the kids. <3
D is for downward dog, yoga-yoga-yoga.
E is for Toddleator E, whose bright silliness fills our moments with giggles.
F is for Miss Monkey, whose imagination, energy, and intensity are sparks through the day.
G is for gymnastics coaches who take my Bigger Girl and have aided teaching her strength and determination.
H is for help, and knowing when to ask for it.
I is for me, and the I Am that I Am.
J is for juggling, 'cause one day I'll know how.
K is for kites.
L is for love, that really does conquer all.
M is for magnets as grateful hearts collect blessings.
N is for night, when those babies are sleeping.
O is for others, those people that change me.
P is for pumpkin, with which I will bake.
Q is for quiche, because it's so tasty.
R is for ribbons for little girl hair.
S is for soup, 'cause Soup Season is here!
T is for The Man, he's totally tops I tell you!
U is for umbrella, as F is obsessed with them.
V is for vibration, and a higher frequency at that.
W is for water, running through my home.
X is for Ximena, who complimented my Spanish accent.
Y is for you, yes, I'm grateful, thankful, for you.

Point of Pride

2011-11-16T21:27:00.001-07:00

It's startling for me really, the amount of giddy pride I had bringing Miss Monkey to her first gymnastics exhibition. As I noticed this swell of emotion I also noticed how I relaxed and stretched into the feeling of pride for my girl. How much fun I had watching her proudly display her strength with her team-mates! It was too too funny when she finally spied her friends that came, Miss Monkey tried to wave to them mid-trick on the bar she was so excited.

At the meet we attended over the summer there were many photo-rabid parents hustling each other for the best spot, snapping gig upon gig of photos for their team. Gratefully this was only an exhibition---I have time before I will really need a swami DSLR Nikon to use for these events (flashes are forbidden and besides the chalk dust in the air makes it near impossible to use one anyway).

The event was in order such that her intensive invitational pre-competitive team was second to last to show, right before the elites that compete seriously. The strength of these six little girls was obvious, even to a novice eye such as mine. I could see a real difference between the Rising Tigers' strength and the rec[reational] levels that supposedly rank higher competitively. After 6 months of conditioning and strength, these two great coaches had the girls doing their first real tricks within two weeks preparing for the Mile High Salute to the Armed Forces Exhibition. The girls got brand new custom leotards for the event, and I happily configured the Firstborn's hair into a cute creation with enough hairspray to sleep in and hold over Sunday afternoon. Back in the day, she would ask me if she could "make my hair" then spend a long while combing and affixing various clips to my head. Finally she can sit still long enough for me to do some serious learning about this "making of hair." Who'd've thought, really, that I would ever have to crash course up-do's for competitive sports?

I look forward to more of this parenting adventure, and I gain confidence in our job of parenting thus far---I feel we're doing pretty well!

Got her hair did

affixing ribbons tomfoolery

hooray for coaches!

sister cuties

salute!

Thank you TIGAR!

"It's easy!"

2011-11-16T20:55:00.001-07:00

Hassomeone ever said to you, "Just try it, it's easy!" and then you findthe task they coaxed you into trying is painfully difficult? Did this leave youfeeling exceptionally capable or downright stupid…and embarrassed?

Whenthis happens to the average adult, it doesn't take long for them to concludetwo things:

This person who's trying to help me is nuts…and definitely not tobe trusted!
Why should I try if I can't even handle the easy stuff?

Quitefrequently I overhear well-meaning parents and educators using the "Justtry it, it's easy!" approach in an attempt to urge a reluctant child intotrying something they're afraid of. When the child finds the task easy, all isright with the world. When they don't, they're confronted with the pain ofseeing that they might be so slow that they can't even do something really,really "easy"!

Howoften does this need to happen before our kids lose faith in our word? Howoften does this have to happen before our children lose faith in their ownabilities? Are you willing to take this sort of risk with your kids?

Received in a Love &Logic Newsletter, re: Motivating kids to try.

I remember this as akid, I remember feeling completely inept and stupid because I couldn't mastersomething immediately and I remember giving up. I think I also compensated by acting a know-it-all, adeptly hiding whatI mightn’t know until I could BS my way into (or out of) a situation.

I remember now to avoidsaying "it's easy" and instead go with "simple, but not alwayseasy....let me know what you think"----even with adults.

2011-11-16T09:33:00.001-07:00

Self mastery.

Was chatting with someone this morning about the connectionbetween children's thought life and what happens "to" themsometimes. I still see that children arelike little receptors, seriously energetically charged and very sensitive towhat's happening around them (some more than others of course). Self-mastery is something that they have tobe guided, or they'll make up their own rules aboutemotions/feelings/behaviors. Maybethat's why it is a good idea to send children to monastery, i.e. Buddhist tradition,to get some serious self-mastery guidance. It really is too bad that the mysticism has been weeded out of (whatappears to be) most christian tradition (and others I'm sure). Those of us who grew up with little to noguidance of self-mastery end up in a state of spiritual bankruptcy,consistently reaching for something outside of ourselves to ful-FILL us.

34 years, I'm only just now beginning to master my emotionsand understand my feelings. As a parentI would be hard-pressed to do anything but address the things I need to growthrough---in fact I cannot imagine how a person could have children and notgrow, not with out a plethora of pervasive denial, blame, rationalization, andjustification. Then I guess that's whatsome parents fall into doing though...doing anything to avoid the mirror thatis a child.

The thing about growth is that it can be addicting I think,once I figured some stuff out I started wanting more of that health in mylife---even though it could be uncomfortable at times.

I have to remember that they're not little adults,developmentally reasonable expectations are okay (for my own development aswell) nothing more though.

I found that it's harder sometimes to behave/speak lovingly'cause I have only a short track record for it, feels kinda weird to love withabandon. It used to be easier to"go with what I know", even though I felt sick about it.

It's almost as if love feels more out of control thanexpectant anger and fear. I used tothink I could control my anger better than I could control love/loving feelings(then earlier this year found out quickly that I couldn't). Fear is interesting 'cause while I think Ican control it, the truth is it controls me.

My palms are a little sweaty writing this stuff out, stillnot used to talking this REAL.

That's what Truth does, it budges us out of our comfortzone.

Win-Win

2011-11-12T10:56:00.001-07:00

Spiritual work is always win-win. Growth can be uncomfortable, it's worth it though ultimately. It's kind of double edged though, 'cause once I've done the growth I can't UNgrow. I can never go back to ignorance (at least not without considerable effort and damage). The ignorance I'm referring to here is god's freedom misused. We get what we expect, change my thoughts and I change my life.

Part of this little life-laboratory experiment has come to fruition with little winnings here and there. I joyfully expect that I will win, hand it over to the universe to work on, let go, and be ready to gratefully receive. In the past 3 months or so I have won a teething bon-bon from Little Spruce Organics, a new Yo-Yoo wetbag from Snaps & Snails, and a solid gift certificate from Nutured Family. All three are stellar for all the crunchy mama needs!

Give them Wings

2011-11-09T12:16:00.001-07:00

Finally updated Los Photos, well at least thru September. Took long enough, eh?
In the mean time I made these:

Leia & R2D2

p.s. the wings idea from here

For The Man's Birthday...

2011-11-09T09:31:00.001-07:00

...I gave him a bomb. An Semi-Atomic Tantrum Bomb. It wasn't on purpose, and I'm confessing here that I should've known better.

After dropping Miss Monkey at gymnastics I happily flitted off to procure apples for The Man's birthday pie at the nearest local produce market. Slightly disappointed with their lack of spices (namely cinnamon) I pushed the mental schedule back another 30 minutes and headed to the grocery closest to our house, thinking of course this would be quick because I'm familiar with this store, eazy-peazy. But then I can't find my new cheapo mini-wallet, I look up & down & all around, feel all my pockets. Look again.

When it doesn't appear I immediately start heading back northward to the produce market where I saw it last. Calling The Man on my way, informing him that he needn't pick up Miss Monkey from TIGAR as I would be in the neighborhood, wallet outcome questionable, etc. Visions of re-licensing and card canceling phone calls in my head. Arriving at the little market, it's dark, and no answer of the phone number I keep calling. I pull back into the parking spot, check the area, peep in the window to the counter where I was last. After some consideration, sitting in my little truck with Toddleator, I decide I should knock on the back door, there is still a light in what I assume to be the office. Mr. Heines opens up, we greet each other and I explain I think I've lost my wallet.

Of course, he says, come on in and we'll look for it.

Well, the baby's in the car, I say, as I frisk myself once more...

and pull from my rear right pocket...

my wallet.

Oh! Hey, look at that. Blush, embarrassed. I'm sorry to have bothered you!

Back in the car chuckling, realize that we're too hungry, and there's at least 1.5 hours left before the Firstborn is finished with her class. Use magic phone to look-up closest GoodTimes, head out to get snack of fries...and once there I couldn't resist the Egg-Nog Milkshake! I mean who could, right?

At first I figure, well, I'll just sip the shake, and save some for The Man 'cause he loves Egg-Nog. But I can't stop. I'm hungrier than I thought, my fries vanish. Well, no one wants half or a third of a shake so I'll share it with the baby, I know I won't drink the whole thing. Fast forward, Miss Monkey's class ending, I saved her some fresh cut french fries and she gets about the last third of the milkshake on the way home.

Now, consider, on the way home, her mouth stuffed full of salty potato-ey goodness, sipping on delectable creamy goodness, she manages to talk through the mess to inform me that she definitely still wants to eat dinner. Okay, I think, cool. She's probably pretty hungry anyway, right?

At home finally, I throw together what I do have for the previously planned manificent birthday dinner, except the broccoli is nastily bitter, toss it. Supplement mashed 'tatoes. No soft white bread for the pulled pork ("lost" wallet at the grocery, remember), supplement bed of fresh baby spinach (actually really a great idea and tasty, too). Add bowls of yummy pumpkin soup and voila, dinner is served, albeit without a celebration pie to finish.

Then She won't eat, she's complaining, and overly tired and overly sugared, and whining. She ends up eating her spinach leaf salad and then being sent to bed, lightly caterwauling.

I'm so sorry, lover, I will do better next year. : )

Snow punkins

2011-11-02T14:11:00.001-06:00

Workout Wagon

2011-11-01T08:05:00.000-06:00

I'm hanging on by fingertips to the workout wagon, haven't completely fallen off, but it's been close. Spotty yoga, and running now and then, some weight training when possible. Since I've lost my suit swimming has been out of question. I'm back to where I began years ago with yoga and running solely. Without a trailer or a bike trainer I'm SOL for riding my bike and can only use imagination for the spin bikes at the gym. Eating hasn't been too crazy (other than The Fever week). I've managed to avoid too much process sugar eating alot of quinoa salad and smoothies. Being without butter for over a week makes one creative with breakfast. I realized I don't like to eat toast without butter, and I certainly couldn't bake anything. The holidays approach though, and I'm loathe to try to change the menu, there's just so much comfort in those holiday foods. Chatting with an acquaintence recently regarding eating vegan-esque, gluten free, etc. I would totally do it if I personally didn't have to expend the time and energy making the switch. If I won a personal chef/grocery shopper for a year I would definitely change a lot of what we eat. For now though I make small changes, like not drinking much milk, eating fatless greek yogurt, more and more veggies and salads, simply cutting back on the bread. Now that our mega-box store membership is back on I'm enjoying buying organic items (yay!). A related note, that mega-box store membership happens to represent a big component of abundance & opulence for me. It's comforting for me to see that there is definitely enough.

2011-11-01T08:01:00.001-06:00

A brief fall rhythm synopsis.

One Wednesday
-Breakfast
-Spanish for an hour or so
-Off to New Thought Mommies group, hanging around working on writing and letters with note cards for her friends (no other mommies today)
-Home for lunch and contributions to the household
-E fighting some illness, naps and down time
-To Yoga for Young Warriors
-Home again for dinner with The Man, and service work
-Final home again, yoga, studying, sleep

Awake again too early with someone coughing too much, then barely 40 minutes later someone else hollering.
I'm awake now for real, and not going back to sleep as I need coffee and eggs to bake something for potluck today. Grateful to be done with cold virus. Jog to the grocery for supplies and arrive just as The Man appears ready to begin shouting for me from the patio.

Just when I think we're into a rhythm something goes slightly awry and then there's flex time before settling back in.
Ah, the wisdom of uncertainty.

Early

2011-11-01T07:15:00.001-06:00

It'a 6:30 AM and my hands smell like play-dough. Trick-or-Treating was a success. Up and down a couple blocks and R2D2 battery was wearing down. It was hard to stop--what other time of year do we dress up crazy, knock on doors, and get such good will? Miss Leia Monkey had a full pumpkin bucket, and we know that's more than enough.
Today is candy day, 1. Whatever is left over tomorrow will be donated, 2. Candy can be consumed after decent protein meal, 3. If candy travels with child it must be shared with others.
Sugar is like crack for children. Ever notice the noise level in childcare places goes way up the day or two after Halloween? It's the Sugar DeTox. Bless all care givers, tell them "Thank You".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An amendment to this, as he came home that day, though most of the candy was gone anyway, Miss Monkey was lamenting that she couldn't eat it all before the donation day. The Man decided it wasn't the best idea, promoting gluttony in a fashion. So, we went with the original idea, that it's her candy and she can do with it what she wants, eating it as she sees fit. Though I requested that she at least try to eat something with salt and protein before consuming too too much. All turned out all right, no super crazy tantrums thank goodness.

Pumpkin Carnage

2011-10-29T16:38:00.001-06:00

Let the festivities begin! Well actually began yesterday with co-op party, today we carve up our squashes, hit Boo @ the Zoo, and get some relaxation before tomorrow's adventure to see Lions @ Broncos. Too too fun!

Princess Leia & R2D2

Pick a Pepper

2011-10-27T14:48:00.001-06:00

I grew a pepper! And a few tomatoes the plants of which are still outside covered with a sheet. Hoping we might have more warm sunshine weather just enough to red up the green 'maters, thinkin' that is a real stretch though. My plants fruited so late, at least 3 weeks after I heard everyone else talking about their tomatoes. I figure they'll hang in the garage for a bit in hopes for more red-dy fruit. The herbs did really well, now it's time to dry and store them away.
One day soon I will have a real yard garden, bursting with gorgeous veggies in the fall. Maybe even room enough for a fruit tree or two.
All growth is miraculous, plant a seed an it provides.
LOVE &LIGHT!

Snow <3

2011-10-26T08:22:00.001-06:00

Snowy snow-snow! I love the snow. When we were in the house up north as I brushed my car off I would ALWAYS end up smiling. I don't understand anymore calling weather "bad", "messy", or "ugly". All weather is exciting and beautiful, yes, even the catastrophic kind.
One day soon I will get to shovel again. One day not too distant we will have all the outdoor-fun gear for snowshoeing, skiing, boarding, x-country, winter camping....SO excited!
We were to head to DBG again for home school day, must phone them to confirm. Happy Day!

The Fever

2011-10-22T22:43:00.000-06:00

Day 1

A low grade fever, 99ish, no biggie. She’s a little out ofsorts.

Day 2

Slightly higher fever by noon, 101ish, and when it hasn’tbroken by bedtime I decide to medicate. She’s been complaining about her diaper area, but no rash.

Day 2.5

It’s past midnight, she’s uncomfortable, it’s 102+. I callthe nurse advice line. No othersymptoms, she says it’s time to take her to pediatrician if fever doesn’t breakby tomorrow morning.

Day 3

It’s 103+, I’ve never seen this before. We need to seekprofessional help. After somestrategizing with The Man, I’ve a choice to make and it sends me into fits foralmost a half hour. I can lie about mychild’s age to get her into Walgreen’s Take Care Clinic (she’s one month tooyoung) in order to say a little money…but then also compromising my personalintegrity, and possibly compromising my daughter’s health. I can take her to alocal pediatrician and we’ll pay out of pocket (which we do everything). After some tearful introspection &deliberation I realize that if I lie to take her to a clinic I’m volunteeringto become “one of those people” that tries to cheat a system, that I would beaffirming a mental attitude of limitation and lack. I opted to go see Dr. Pediatric, in mychoice affirming that we are cared for, we have everything we need—and more.

Dr. Pediatric takes a urine sample (bag not catheter—phew!)and we chat about why I think it’s a urinary tract infection. Toddleator complains while urinating (and shedoes practically on cue as I spoke), urine spots as if she’s leaking while Ichange her, the fever, and no other cold-like symptoms. Doc prescribes Amoxicillin, but counsels meto wait as long as possible until urine culture comes back to be sure it’s nota resistant strain of bacteria. Afternap she spikes 104.5F. Medicate. Nighttime sweats from acetaminophen/ibuprofen alternations, spikes 105F.I’m frightened but still faithful all will be well. I know it’ll do no good topanic.

Day 4

She’s totally out of it, so sad to see her feeling sopoorly, spikes a 105+. Keep medicating,and after a few phone calls to Doc, The Man eventually takes over. Doc says start the Amox’.

Day 5

Some improvement, though she’s eating a little more, fevernot quite abated. Doc calls to says itis a UTI but don’t know the strain of bad-azz bacterium yet. Now little one has poops to boot ‘cause she’snever had an antibiotic in her life.

Day 6

My sweet sweet girl is writhing and screaming on the floorwhen I come home from church. Like atantrum but worse. I calm her enough to sleep for a while thinking that she wasjust tired and she’d be better when she woke. No dice, she picked up exactly where she left off, screaming alternatelywith arching back and flailing. Shewouldn’t walk, she wouldn’t eat, and had adopted such a sad pout I had to cry alittle while as we waited (post Doc consult) for the pain reliever to kickin. If it hadn’t worked we’d’ve ended upin the ER for sure. Kidney infectionsare painful, mommies.

Day 7

Fever somewhat down, more eating, and something new, arash. She wasn’t bothered by it, but itwas all over her torso, little pink dots. Warranted a call to Doc’s again. We received return information that the strain of bacteria was not assensitive to Amoxicillin as another antibiotic, so we’re to switch, and wedid. She’s eating more. At bath time I’mdisturbed to see her little body so changed from her lack of appetite in thepast week. Evoking terrifying thoughtsof starving children.

Day 8

Finally, some veryreal normalcy returns in Toddleator E’s personality. She’s eating and eating and eating, gigglingwith her sister and playing. Oh, thankGod.

Now that we’ve come out of it, save the daily doses ofcephalexin, I realize how poorly I was taking care of myself. Stress-eating, no exercise except a spottyshortened yoga practice, not enough water, and certainly not enough sleep. We stepped out on faith and were supported,we are healthy, we are grateful.

2011-10-11T11:55:00.000-06:00

Anther taste of t'other side. Monday morning, a tight schedule. Get kiddos up earlier than normal, get'em fed (which meant transferring oatmeal into baggies for "squeezie-packs" in the car), get'em in the car with everything we need for the morning, rush to The Man's office to pick item up, rush to get Miss Monkey to HSC (though we're early and that's nice 'cause I needed to skip to grocery and procure eats for her lunch), rush then to the focus group meeting I'd been tapped to do, meet with young friend to temp as nanny for 90 minutes, jet up the elevator and arrive precisely at 9am. When it turns out they don't need me, I relax some with said young friend at the coffee shop while Toddleator E wanders about saying, "Hiii" to people. And all I could think was, "wow, some people sign up for this kind of race every day of the week....not I." Just another reinforcement to freedom of homeschooling.

2011-10-04T19:01:00.000-06:00

Today. Up early, before them. Coffee, emails, then yoga with the Firstborn...short though 'cause we heard Toddler E up and at them. Then cycle class at the gym, and a drive up to see some foliage.

Watching F standing oh-so-quietly, bedecked in pink sparkly formal dress and rubber boots, listening for grasshoppers to attempt capture for a pet. Baby Sister scuffing shoes in the dirt, listening to the gravel crunch of the path, and baby-bouldering practice on the large mossy rock. Elk bugling, not so far away several of a herd including the big male, great practice with looking eyes and listening ears. My stifled laughter while I say, "Especially this time of year," as she sits in the back commenting on how "horn-ey the male elk are...mama, he had horns like this."

Gratuitous giggles in the chilly creek at our Lair o' the Bear stop. Exploring the riparian zone, chatting about food chains and water flow. In classic form, Miss Monkey quips, "I'm keeping my self SO dry!" She loses balance on her cobble, comes so near an impromptu self-baptizing (only the hem dipped). Collecting fall leaves for our window decorations, heading back with bare foot to avoid gravel in the shoes. Toddler E runs away from me when it's time to load up, we head back down the mountain to join up with playmates pre-TIGAR.

A lovely day all in all. And now for infamous chicken chili n' corn chips. nom nom nommm.

as a bob

2011-09-29T05:41:00.002-06:00

Swinging, on the BIG swings.
Towering, long chains may be twisted 'round and 'round for good long spins.
Gain momentum PULLing and pushing,
PULLing, pushing.
Eventually so high, easily touch all blue sky.

Pulling
Pendulum pinnacle, the mighty delicate pause
Pushing
swooshing tresses over eyes
Pulling
swishes back from wide grin, stomach fluttery
With god speed, wind whispers, skirt whipping 'round
Balance in perfect motion

then a tip, a side swipe, all goes awry
and a choice

reconnoiter from a hard fought motionless position, scraping feet spraying gravel

or ride the wild undulation, eventually equilibrium restores
pulling, pushing, pulling, pushing
onward.

Cuteness

2011-09-27T18:11:00.001-06:00

2011-09-23T20:15:00.002-06:00

Today, we're all under the weather a bit, fighting a cold. Headed to a co-op mom's house for a homeschool lesson and playing. Some contention about the trampoline caused it to be closed for the remainder of the visit, some birthday singing over pumpkin muffins, Toddler E went down the super-fast slide several times and patted the dog. The virtue this week is creativity (last week was confidence, and before was respect), storytelling and illustrating, then a little BrainPop video about Fall Equinox. On our way home, babe asleep, we started pass a parade lining up. Turns out it was Bear Creek Highschool Homecoming, too too cute. We waited patiently and finally got to cheer them all on, I got to scream "GO CLARINETS! GO WOODWINDS!" and "ORCHESTRA ROCKS!" Every time I whooped and hollered some kid threw candy, Miss Monkey's pockets were overflowing with candy. Continued home chatting about the parade, the band and the 4H horses were my fave, some bareback and standing up in their saddles, brave girls. I didn't see a banner, but I could tell who the homecoming court were---beautiful kids all! We read some books, E painted a bit, and I reorganized my fabrics. There is a big bag of scraps for the firstborn to toy with if she chooses. Started a set of wings for Toddler E, and then decided since I'd have to bathe both of them, we needed to do another hand/foot print paper. Turned out well I think.

Onward.

When she started walking

2011-09-19T13:24:00.001-06:00

Mobile?

2011-09-19T13:12:00.001-06:00

Yes folks we are a GO for mobile posting. Oh, be still mine little heart, the possibilities are substantial!

The Summer Melted Away

2011-09-18T00:31:00.000-06:00

But not without a flurry of activity before it was reallyover. In classic form a very real shiftin weather happened Labor Day weekend and since then we’ve not had a day over75, with nice cool nights and almost chilly mornings, along with a lot ofafternoon showers. It was a pleasantsummer I think, the hottest days occurring late August, just as it “should” be.

In typical end of summer quasi-panic I realized I wanted toconnect with several Mamas and kiddos before summer totally quit and I set uplots of visits and activities, we were out doing doing doing (hence I was notinside writing). So, an update of whatnot.

Toddler E is starting to be more and more interested intoileting, she really enjoyed practicing on the potties in the consignment shop(yes, people do consign potty chairs and the like). She is adept at letting me know when herdiaper is dirty and will tell me when she has gone “shee-shee”, signing aswell. We need to go ahead and makeavailable child size toilet seat and tiny potty chair for her, maybe speed theprocess along. She talks, big sistertaught her, “No!” and “Mine!” Then ofcourse there are Mama, Papa, Bye-Bye (with kisses blown), Duurhtee, and manyother semi-gibberish interpretations. Maybe I’m more aware this time around, the quickness of progressivelearning is amazing to me, and the silliness this one possesses is different, Iobserve, from the serious intensity of The Firstborn.

Miss Monkey has started Homeschool Connection on Mondays,then Rising Tigers (invitational pre-competitive team) 3 evenings a week,Fridays we’ve our little co-op Mile Hi Mommas have put together, and the middledays are chock full of other activity. I’veyet to purchase a solid curriculum to work from, though we read a LOT, andexplore even more. Yesterday F & Ihad a touching conversation about growing up and how hard it seems. Tried to impress upon her that she’s lucky tobe aware of her growing so that one day she can look back and think, “it was sofun when I was little enough to do that!” She’s been growing through some stuff lately, and Love n Logic hashelped immensely. Enki will be awonderful diversion from standard homeschool curriculum it seems, fostering myown passion for learning to ignite my children’s. This system expects that the curriculumshould serve the family and not the other way ‘round. Also, that trying to DO too much can backfire,down time (a.k.a. boredom) is the breeding ground for imagination.

Labor Day weekend The Man and I celebrated—yes actually setaside time and celebrated—eight yearsof marriage. We tripped up to Vail for anight and a day to see the Gospel Prayer Meetin’ of the annual JazzFestival. The first time in 5 years thatwe’ve taken an overnight trip alone, it was fantastic. We returned refreshed and enjoyed the rest ofthe weekend with the girls.

More to come, it’s late now and I’ve dreams to meet.

Conspiring to Teach

2011-08-25T15:14:00.000-06:00

I've seen both sides of schooling this week. Monday, Miss Monkey went to Homeschool Connection all day. What a nice break I had! While Toddler E was sleeping I had some very real time to myself, quietly paying bills, making phone calls, showering without accompanying peep-eye and sometimes sibling induced squeals. It was nice. I could totally see why moms all over are so relieved for school to start again...it's an easy way to get some time to myself while I choose to be reasonably sure she's learning something (although what she might be learning could be up for debate, no?).

Then Wednesday this week. We signed up for the Denver Botanic Gardens' homeschool days. Four days this "school year" when we get to go to the gardens practically free of charge. From 10-2 they have activities tables ready with manipulatives for kiddos to learn about habitat, adaptations, food chains, etc. This time it was Colorado Ecosystems. We were a little late 'cause certain of our party needed some attention before we left. We cruised through the gardens, to each table, Miss Monkey participated fully and exuberantly especially at the pond study table. It was really pleasant, and eventually we left and arrived home mid-afternoon. I didn't have to match my schedule to some beaurocratic idea of what children should be doing, we went our own natural pace. A lot of learning and none of it was boring, plus we got to be outside most of the day (granted it's pretty warm around here lately, there was plenty of shade, better out than in no matter what weather). In a word, freedom. While it can be taxing at moments, I would much rather take the freedom of "homeschool" over the controlling world of typical public school.

The evening after the gardens adventure I met up with 3 other mommas to get a plan in place for our little homeschooling co-op-ish. Sitting there listening to the excited conversation about what we "think would be neat" I thought, "I wonder what our kids would think of us all sitting here conspiring to teach them something." Thus far we've some science in a monthly pond study, music, drama, and story writing. We've worked it out that we'll each take a Friday for a couple of hours and match a virtue to our activity for the day and let the kids learn at their pace--which is incredibly fast when they're having fun.

I'm thinking I might start referring to it as "worldschooling" instead. I'm excited to have received in the mail my Enki Foundations Guide, now I really need to study up and get some more curriculum purchased!

dresses

2011-08-08T18:09:00.000-06:00

My Papa's Shirts Dress II

My Papa's Shirts Dress I


My [partial] Papa's Shirts Dress III

Beach Dress

Jelly Fish Dress

Halloween Mermaid 2009

I had help, seamstress mentoring, so to speak, for most of these. The mermaid costume being the most intense. So grateful for the tutoring, I recently made a lovely little cape and an apron for two birthday boys (pictures coming soon).

Successes and Backfires

2011-08-08T14:20:00.002-06:00

This weekend was a great learning weekend for Miss Monkey. The delayed consequence of her antics at the zoo were no pool all weekend. After being totally obnoxious and uncooperative on Friday, The Man and I let her know that she had until 1pm Saturday to pick up the playroom and put her clothes away in the bedroom. Simple. So, Saturday morning I had a grand time designing and finishing 2 gifts for the boys' birthday party we planned to attend that afternoon. Miss Monkey was super excited now and then, kept asking about when we were leaving, to which we replied "We'll talk about that later." All the while watching the clock. I resisted urge after compulsive urge to remind, nag, insist that she must get her chores finished if she wants to get to the birthday party. I had even surreptitiously aided a bit by picking up the baby's toys (but only those toys I knew Baby E left out). As the hour approached my grin got bigger and bigger. The Man asked if I would be okay, "Sure! I'm great!" When I asked him if he was okay a few moments later, "I dunno, it just feels so mean." "Oh, but it's not. It's follow-through, be strong. We can do it."

While I was in the shower getting ready to leave with the baby, I heard him deliver the news to her.

OH, THE HUMANITY!!! She screamed, and cried, and whined, and tried to make deals. We were so empathetic, and I found and was able to show, for the first time, a very real empathy for her sadness. Big hugs, kisses, and "Oh, man! it's so, so, sad, I know. I love you, this must be so hard for you!" Over and over again we repeated various versions of these phrases, because over and over she repeatedly cried, whined, and tried to make a deal.

THEN, oh, my goodies-goodnesses! I got to have a mini-yard (patio) sale Sunday afternoon. What was it I was selling? Why it's all the things I got to pick up for my dear daughter over the past weeks, stuff that had been taking up space in my closet that took us that long to decide what to do with it. The story, Miss Monkey had a choice of time to pick up her room, she did not. I picked it up for her, everything is off limits until she chooses to earn it back with chores, it'd been two weeks and no chores done though we'd talked about what she might undertake. After some discussion, The Man and I decided that as we might send it to consignment anyway, or have a yard sale, then I might as well make the yard sale a reality. It came off beautifully. I wish the woman that was going to purchase the watch would have followed through---she chickened out when F started caterwauling. The woman uttered something about how "it's not her job to teach other peoples' kids lessons", to which I replied quietly, "well, I'm the one teaching the lesson, not you." Ms. RandomNeighbor bought a child-size broom and hightailed outta here quick-as-could-be. In the end there were a bunch of clothes pushed into garbage bags to donate (sad 'cause a lot of things in there she's worn and enjoyed and would still fit for coming seasons). Interesting to see though what she sees as important vs. what I thought was important. Everything was liquidation priced to sell, easy enough for her to purchase whatever she liked with her allowance money. Lesson learned---for both of us. Next time, us parents have agreed, as painful as it might be to give away things we've lovingly purchased, we won't go to the effort of a garage sale.

Move into Monday morning, and they've been up before us, something we'd like to avoid, but short of drugging them not sure how to accomplish this. After breakfast it started with the dolls, of course. Baby E wants one, F doesn't want to budge on taking turns with it. There's screaming, and a lot of it. "Uh-oh! Bedroom time, I love you, see you when you're sweet and calm!" Baby E doesn't get the concept of "leave sister alone, she needs some time" yet. And while standing too near the bed of isolation was fwapped with the blankie hard enough that I could hear it downstairs. Feelings hurt she starts bawling. There are scratches on her back. More bedroom time...all in all almost an hour, then recovery time, and talking it out. The door is still broken from exhibition tantrums a long while ago (she paid into repair from allowance). There is no real way to separate them---though now that I think of it I could break out the baby gate again. And here's the backfire, if she's to have the consequence of staying home, then I have to stay home as well, 'cause kidsclub at our gym would constitute a reward. I called a couple of people who are Love & Logic versed, so that Miss Monkey might pay for the sitter with a toy. It's a reach though, as we don't have family nearby to take advantage of, I'm stuck. Another strategy session with The Man and we decide we'll have to eat the price of 1 gymnastics session today. Not going to the pool when she wanted to didn't seem to affect her, maybe it did though. So we'll delay consequences until a little later when it's time to get to gymnastics. Currently mentally prepping myself for the theatrics to come. Change can make things worse for a while before it gets better.

I WIN

2011-08-03T16:31:00.001-06:00

Well, today I feel like I won something. I'm positive that many people at the zoo thought my daughter should've been thrown to the lions.

It began with her less than friendly demanding behavior, it culminated when she fought with her baby sister, couldn't work it out.

I let her know, "I think we're going to have to leave the Zoo, sweetheart." She screamed and ran to the play area, took some time to herself with her umbrella. I waited for a bit. My friend, whom I had been looking forward to chatting with on this leisurely afternoon at our lovely Denver Zoo, offered to attempt to coax her back into good graces. But I know this: I have warned her once, very clearly, very quietly, very firmly. If I waffle, she'll continue to dance on the boundary and see just what she might get away with, making a most miserable afternoon for me and the rest of our party.

"Oh, my, it's so sad. We have to leave the zoo."

"NOOOOOO!!!! I. DON'T. WANT. TO. LEAVE!!" thunderous, she's gotten everyone's attention in the small pavilion near the seals & sea lions.

"I know."

"YOU'RE DUMB!!!"

"Hey, I think you're more creative than that."

"NO!" she's crying and caterwauling.

"Hey, that's pretty good. I think you can scream louder. Show all these people what an actress you are?"

She's pushing the dolly stroller, holding her umbrella, in her long dress she was insistent to wear...she stops. "Will you be bringing the stroller along? Or leaving it here? I know I can carry you, if I do though the stroller has to stay here."

Crying and caterwauling she starts moving again, "I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE!!!"

We make a little progress to the exit.

"NOOOO!!!" screaming. She stops again. "I'M NOT LEAVING!!"

"Oh? That's an option. How will you get home?"

She pauses, then starts moving, "YOU'RE DUMB!!"

"Maybe so, I still love you."

"I HATE YOU!!!"

"Nice try (chuckling), I still love you."

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!!"

"I know. It's so sad to leave the zoo, it's a total bummer!"

Getting closer to the Feline house, I ask her if she needs a hug. She nods. Then we continue slowly making our way to the gate, intermittently she yells lamenting, "I don't want to leave, though!"

And I respond with, "I know."

In these situations, it's not me that's embarrassed. I'm not the one losing my mind in front of strangers---thank goodness I've got more parenting tools at my disposal now!

Eventually we made it to the car, loaded up, and had a lovely, silent, cool, ride home...and me grinning all the way.

P.S. Since we've a membership at the zoo, it's easy to leave knowing I haven't wasted "all that money" on entrance, etc. If we didn't have a membership, though it would've stung the wallet, and the resentment would be challenging to let go, I'm positive the follow through would feel wonderful next time we're at the zoo and she does behave.

screaming genes

2011-07-25T13:34:00.001-06:00

Yelling, screaming, lamenting, caterwauling...oh the dramatics I might fall into trying to control someone else's behavior...and that little mirror of a girl of mine has picked up all of it and then taught it to her baby sister. *big sigh*

Does she who screams the loudest get results? really? In my experience as a child it doesn't work, yelling leads to more yelling, leads to louder screaming, possibly culminating with voilence and damages. Now as a parent, when I've slipped into a non-thinking state, I have made threats I didn't intend to, eventually forced to follow through with something I feel ill about as I've trapped myself with my reactive if/then chatter. If I don't follow through I'm in the cut as the idle threat drill sargent parent who if battled enough can not be counted on to enforce any boundary. Then that drill sargent gets to lament and whine about how the child is out of control, and can never be made to be cooperative.

I never wanted to be the embattled mother, playing victim to my child's attitudes, desperation and exasperation showing with every iteration and gasp at her behavior. And I still don't. Earlier this year I was doubting our decision to homeschool, I thought, "if this is what it's going to be like I can't do it". Then came Love & Logic and I finally got some real verbal tools to use for every situation. With the fits and starts over the summer parenting became truly fun, and I knew it.

I don't have to yell any more, and ultimately that's what I want. I want to parent in a patient conversational tone every moment they're awake.

Glittery Germs and Toileting

2011-07-25T13:32:00.001-06:00

So there exists a lack of hand-washing and toilet flushing in this house. Miss Monkey has issues flushing the toilet at home for some reason. It is also difficult to make sure she is washing her hands after toileting or after being outside.

I read somewhere a hand-washing teaching technique: Put glitter all over child's hands. Tell child to go play. Explaining that the glitter is germs, and look for wherever the glitter came off, that's where the germs spread because the hands were unwashed. Then, only a good soapy, running water wash will remove all the glitter.

Miss Monkey didn't even want to go play with glitter on her hands, and then in her attempts to shake it off, rub her dry hands together she actually became rather frustrated with the ineffectiveness of her technique. Her hand washing was perfect this one time. I drove the point home a little farther in an agreement that if she chooses not to wash her hands, the consequence will be an extensive "wipe-down" chore, i.e. wiping every single toy in the play room.

Now, for the lack of toilet flushing. If it's urine, that's not such an issue. I mean, I don't walk into the bathroom and get an "EW!uagh!" shock if it's only pee. She'll flush in public bathrooms, at other people's houses and many other places. It seems home is the problem. I just made a deal with her...she doesn't have to flush, but she can only use the upstairs "kid" bathroom, and she must shut the lid. And I simply won't use that toilet anymore except for spraying diapers. UPDATE: With some thought it's decided that this isn't the safest tactic 'cause E is pretty interested in the toilets. Explaining this to big sister, about safety and cleanliness, and letting go of results...well there's been improvement. Though I still find myself hollering for F to come flush while I wait outside the washroom door. At least it's not as often, I think she was really getting a kick out of my gross-out reactions.

Maybe she's trying to save water? and toilet paper? Wiping the bottom is yet another issue, and only time will help with that. I know if I insinuate my "help" there, it only serves to enable and demean. Yet another one of my control issues that I've to let go of. There will be natural consequences with that particular habitual lack of cleanliness, consequences that I can't teach by talking at her endlessly.

In fact, I've already learned, and am coming to greater and greater acceptance every day, that no monologue, no diatribe, no pleading or screaming, will teach better than real life experience.

2011-07-14T21:33:00.002-06:00

Not sure it counts but these are my seedlings from earlier this year.

Fuzzy cozy blanket for Baby E.

Gift apron.

Thank you notes for gentlemen that helped move our piano.

Sugar scrubs Christmas gifts.

Live Where

2011-07-13T21:16:00.001-06:00

If you could live anywhere, where would you live?

My dream house, on land with trees and a wide stream, alpine meadow-ish within a day hike to the ocean. Where there are four fully expressed beautiful seasons, the spring rainstorms of my Texas childhood, the snow of the Rockies, the ocean of Maui, and forest to play.

The House I envision...

A ranch style with a great basement, and possibilities. It's open design, south or west facing, but bedrooms on the east side I think. Big lot, many diverse trees, room to grow plants and creatures including children. Old style windows, easy open, maybe even walk through, allowing that gorgeous morning breeze to flow through....and then double paned for those snowy winters. There's a boiler with radiant heat throughout, eco-savvy heating and cooling is ideal. The roof is of a beautiful durable eco-conscious material, the lighting is recessed and adjustable, there are skylights in high ceilings. Solar panels are feeding part of our energy needs.

This house has wood floors throughout, the kind one doesn't have to worry about walking on after mopping, tile bathrooms, maybe carpeted bedrooms. Industrial style organization bins in the kitchen, butcher block counter and table, non-reactive stone or solid color granite counter-top. There is a real exhaust hood above the big beautiful gas range and gas double oven. I like the idea of a professional grade rubberized flooring, with a drain for the kitchen. Big sinks, not black, not stainless, I prefer enamel or porcelain. I like the look of pale wood with white for cleanliness and light. The glass cabinets show off both my matching dishes and the eclectic collection I've accumulated thus far. Counter-top garages for appliances, outlets abound. A fireplace serves both the living area and the kitchen for those experimental fire-cooking nights.

The bedrooms are inviting and bright. The master bath has vanity mirrors and sinks, multi-direction shower heads, steam capability, pebbled shower floor, deep tub, and water pressure that will ease the rinsing of thick hair. There is a bidet in the master, and of course water-conserving toilets throughout.

Storage cabinets and bookshelves are built-in throughout this house, convenient for each living area, and accommodating to children playing hide & seek. The closets are all smart spaces, with plenty of options for clothing storage. The mudrooms at front and rear of this house have plenty hooks and cubbies. There is a laundry chute in the bedroom hallway leading right down to my gorgeous efficient large capacity washer and dryer. (btw: efficient must describe getting the clothes clean, in addition to use of water and electricity) There in the laundry is a built in drying rack, and a big clean workspace for folding, sorting, etc.

The Man has his own studio area, with custom bathroom and television outfitted to his specifications. There is a yoga & meditation room, possibly a detached shala, floor to ceiling windows so practice can be open to out doors. There is at least one outdoor room, steps from the kitchen, for grilling & guests, the kids play bocce, soccer, and kick ball in the yard.

The playroom is also my play room. Again built-in cubbies and shelving, plenty of storage space. A wide, high table for my crafts, and desk items, with comfy bar height stools, and outlets all around. A lower table for smaller persons to work on their projects. A chalkboard wainscot all around cork flooring, The Man has painted a garden mural on one wall.

And this house is open to all our family and friends at any time, there is only love here and we let it flourish wildly...I don't have to dream this part up though, it's already real.

New Label : Things I Make

2011-07-13T12:17:00.002-06:00

Super Blankets for new baby cousin.

Snazzy Dolly Diapers

Shower Sack

Poop and Other Goop

2011-06-29T21:21:00.001-06:00

For some reason I've yet to delve into I have never ever thought it "okay" or "part of the care and feeding" of a dog to pick up poop from the ground. I grew up where the family dogs were mostly outdoors and only came inside for short periods or when it was really cold out. The dogs always pooped in the woods or elsewhere, as we didn't live in a cookie cutter neighborhood with manicured grass, it didn't matter where they went. There is something really deep within me that considered picking up dog poo a degrading, insulting thing. I think it's a race memory issue as I cannot recall an exact incident that might cause such a reaction.

Anyway, as a Momma I have been able to adjust my tolerance for poop and goo, booger, vomit, and baby spit-up. It simply doesn't bother me near as much as it might have in the past---though admittedly I can't say as I was in the habit of wiping other people's bottoms, cleaning up their vomit, or aspirating their noses when stuffed up. I tend to think that women are rather hardwired for the gore of life, we do have to deal with it once a month or so. Men on the other hand, not so much. It is too too funny to me that for all the sophomoric humor that males spout, they have a difficult time dealing with their own offspring's dirty diaper. It's just poop afterall, it washes off, and with a little antimicrobial something, all is good as new. As a Momma I've learned to deal with unexpected poopsplosions in public bathrooms like a champ. During a Miss Toddler-Monkey diaper change, I once caught a poop in my hand rather than have to clean the carpet. A diaper-less child having a bowel movement, much like a vomiting child, should not be moved....because rather than one simple spot, there's a trail to clean.

Jogged out!

2011-06-27T17:49:00.002-06:00

Miss Monkey's invitation to a competitive gymnastics team affords me and E a little time.

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Workouts n' whatnot

2011-06-22T08:59:00.000-06:00

Having finished breastfeeding a few weeks ago, it seems the liquid fat my body has been clinging to is melting slowly away. I'm kinda sad to have breastfeeding end, I know and she knows it's time though. I'm sure to get enough cuddling in whenever we need to. My workouts have been sporadic but more often. I plugged in a training plan and hit about half the workouts. I gave up on trying to force a solution though, I noticed I was becoming b*tchy and crazed, feeling like a failure when I messed up the plan. So, I surrendered the results. Suddenly, Baby E was sleeping through the night, and time started stretching.

I'm amazed that on a a given day I can pull off a triple workout if I feel like it---would never have been able to do that 5 years ago. I might pick up a run, or a bike on a whim. I can complete a long swim in (~2k yds) pretty comfortably and still survive the rest of the day pleasantly. Daily life has become easier, and I think it's because I've given up trying to force it all to happen on my timeline. One day in the far future I'll have more than all the time I need, until then I'm becoming more and more content to hang out and be present when the need arises. And Their needs are never ending.

I dropped in on a Zumba class. While bouncing and shaking my nether-bits to fun world music, I giggled time and again....this is the dancing I used to attempt after a cocktail or four, in dark noisy clubs, delusional I was unique hot-stuff. And now, I, and the rest of the middle-aged (and more) ladies have been relegated to flapping our flesh in a brightly lit box at prescribed hours of the week---probably so we won't frighten the general public. It's a fun workout. I wonder, what if I didn't have the stability and core strength, though? I could see how it might injure some-sedentary-one off the street. Also, I had a free training session with a lady-trainer at my daughter's gymnastics gym, TRX is too too fun! Really challenging and just what I enjoy. I finally made it back to my yoga rug, after months of avoidance. Short but sweet practice, I need to find an Ashtanga studio within reasonable driving distance.

Kinda sad that our bodies mayn't reflect the inward youth we retain. The best I plan to do for my earthly vessel is everything I've been doing, tweaking the diet a bit, keep on keeping on. As I am inward, I will show outward.

Newest Fluff on the Block

2011-06-21T11:37:00.000-06:00

I purchased new diapers. Specifically, 4 one-size pocket style diapers so The Man would might not be so opposed to aiding changes. Not a moment too soon it seems, since we've been back from Texas there has been a terrible rash on Baby E's bum. Not a screaming rash, but definitely an itchy red issue that must be uncomfortable. I can only guess that it's yeast and I've taken steps to rid my pre-folds of it. With the somewhat begrudging use of stay-dry poly-fiber inserts, her bum is looking more normal.

I wanted to purchase diapers that would accommodate a prefold as an insert. I'd rather have purchased sans insert but the retailer wouldn't sell them separately and wouldn't work with me to trade the poly-fiber inserts for hemp. After some perusal online I had decided I needed to get hands on a Blueberry one size pocket. While I was in the store, I hit upon Rocky Mountain, locally made & owned. I got 2 of each label, and happily headed home.

Blueberry I had my eye on 'cause their Coverall wrap is so stellar (much better than Thirsties, in my opinion), I am pleased. The manufacture is strong, looks and feels like it will last, the fleece is soft, the print is cute, and the pocket easily fits a prefold (the generously cut dipe can be used as a wrap over a prefold, as well). The Rocky Mountain pocket diapers are a slightly different style, relying on an inner snap-adjustment to make them one-size with dual in-line snaps 'round the waistline, a lower rise to the fit than the Blueberry. So far, Blueberry has not leaked one bit. Rocky Mountain suffered an overload one afternoon when Baby E sipped her way through an entire bottle of water. I don't blame the diaper though, it was Big Sister that gave her the bike bottle. I think the Rocky Mountain diaper does better with a hemp insert than a poly fiber. The Blueberry it doesn't seem to matter much at all what that diaper is stuffed with.

I can highly recommend both.

*Incidentally, back in the pocket diaper posse, I noticed I still feel the same about these diapering systems. I really enjoy the ease of pockets, but dislike having to wash the whole diaper every time, the same with all-in-ones. Pre-folds + wrap make sense, as a wrap can be used over and over until it's pooped---seems smarter I think.

2011-06-19T19:37:00.000-06:00

You're a great Papa! We love you.

First All-Day Camp

2011-06-18T19:33:00.001-06:00

For us all. This was an entire week of 8 hour days for Miss Monkey, a true test of behavior. I was really the one that was worried...and, get this, it wasn't really about her but how her behavior would reflect on me.

While visiting the family in Texas a remark I fielded, "That [behavior] must have been embarrassing for you." I responded, "Well, no, not really. That's her behavior not mine." It's really my response to that behavior that I might be embarrassed. Sometimes though, when the audience is people that I like and respect and care very much about our relationship, I slip back into the thought process that I might somehow control the little people's behavior.

Rainbow Day Camp is Mile Hi Church's children's camp for ages 5-10, with teen counselors and adult teachers. The first day dropping her off, she approached with trepidation, but once the recognition set in, she relaxed and was happy to say good-bye. By the time the week was over I could tell she didn't really want it to end. Who would? They do a great camp, something different everyday, including one day trip excursion to Pine Top, up the mountains. It was strangely easy moving through the day with only the baby to entertain and get fed and napped. Which brings on an interesting observation.

Raising children full time is challenging. If I'm sending my daughter off to school mostly 'cause I need the break, and approach professionally administered education with the idea that I will get relief...it's not the right reason to send her to brick and mortar school. I take serious issue with the forced conformity that bureaucracy has instilled in our public (and some private) school system. This talk succinctly explains and I agree with the assessment of the system completely.

At this time all of our personal resources are committed to alleviating pressure caused by mismanagement previous years and the pressure from The Man's period of unemployment. When we have unlimited financial resources we can make my daughters' education more dynamic, probably including some brick & mortar schoolin', tutoring, traveling, and otherwise interesting mixes. Until then, I will give my best attempt at homeschooling the first born with Enki Education. Including "socialization" with large family group outings, and other mom-teachers. I will remain flexible, and as nothing is written in stone, I will remember if it feels unmanageable, or morphs into dismal struggle, I will realize we need to take a different path.

It's scary, going against everything I knew growing up and what it seems is 'the norm'. The journey only gets more exciting, there is no arrival is there?

D.I.Y. Diaper Sprayer

2011-06-10T09:51:00.002-06:00

I shopped them, I even asked a local store if they were going to stock them. The store called me when the sprayer arrived, and I balked at the price. $45?

In Home Depot, taking advantage of a gift card, on yet another trip to the potty for someone or other in our party, I passed through the plumbing aisle. Hmmm, I thought as I spotted the sink sprayers. On our way back through I snagged the paid plumber assistant fellow, and he perused the stock looking for all the right pieces. Plumbing has always fascinated me, all the metal and machining involved with making water travel to distant places is neat-O. Anyway, I told him what I wanted to do, and happily followed him around while he gathered the pieces. After memorizing the order in which the pieces should be attached, I added them to our haul.

Excited as I was, this was a little project that would have to wait until after we returned from the Epic Texas Trip. On our first full day home it was one of the premier projects that I completed.

Tools? Pair of right sized pliers.

The plumber's picks? A valve adapter (add 1/4" comp. outlet to a valve), an Ice Maker Supply Line, a standard sink sprayer with hose, and a Compression Connector (1/4"OD x 1/4" MIP w/ insert).

They're attached in that exact order from the water supply at the wall.

I turned off the water at the wall. I unscrewed the existing hose to the toilet, added the valve adapter, re-attached the toilet water line, then screwed on the Ice Maker Supply line to the new valve.

Then came the compression connector...

and the sprayer itself.

Voila! Diaper Sprayer! I laughed with triumph!

Total Cost? ~$20 and less than half an hour installation.

What I've learned so far:

There is a learning curve with a diaper sprayer, you might, as I did, spray pooplets all around the intended toilet bowl. Beware the splattering ricochet.
Spray close, very close. Spray down, almost straight down the diaper.
The water pressure surprised me, hence the poopletsplosion.
Pocket diapers are best sprayed front to back, or pocket opening downward toward the bowl.
Prefolds can be challenging if poo is outside the imagined boundary of a liner, but diaper sprayer definitely wins over "swishing" method.
The water is cold, so unless you enjoy torturing your children (and your own eardrums), sprayer is not for use on dirty naked children in the tub.

Epic Texas Trip

2011-05-30T21:24:00.001-06:00

Me, the 1 and the 5 year old, on the road.

The Drive

Denver to Kansas City ~8 hours, hotel with family....then KC to Dallas ~ 8 hours with a lovely break for bite of dinner with cousins in OKC...Arrived at The House late, alone, setting up children to sleep comfortably in the cluttered dark.

About 11 days later, final breakfast and good byes, then ~7 hours to Amarillo, and another 7 the next day back to Denver. All was well with the girls, save for baby's diaper rash on the way to Texas and my craving for adult conversation on the way home, it was pretty simple. Just as I intentioned, smooth and easy. Much gratitude to live in a beautiful and safe country.

The Family

Graduation of sister from KCAI, congratulations Ariel! Check out her work here.

Hilarity of parents directions through town and parking fiascos, the joys of the family of origin, no?

After everyone arrived back in Texas safe and sound there was much preparation to be done for the newly graduated artist's reception. First full week consisted mainly of assisting the cleaning and shifting of stuff in order that my sister's party should appear professional.

My mother works and works and works, then works some more. Dad does as well though his workshop is on the property, no commuting. My brother lives there and helps out as needed.

My efforts to help were met with apologies and indignant protest. Eventually I stopped asking what needed to be done and simply slipped in what I thought would aid most the mental affected from the visual. Like windows. I've discovered that if my windows and mirrors are clean, it can lend a whole feeling of clean throughout my house. I should have realized, though, I need to be more gentle, and Live and Let Live. After speaking to several of my contemporaries about their parents' living condition, it is apparently a relative normal stage of life. It's challenging to live in a place where the prevailing mindset is so different than my own.

The Visits

All the memories of the town where I grew up, drifting through as I pass by this or that landmark. No longer ashamed of my childhood escapades, comforted with the knowledge that I was a child and children do silly, dangerous things, they make mistakes...and that's natural and it's okay.

Difficulties with Miss Manic Monster Monkey while we were there prompted theories that public school is the answer to all our ills---but I don't have "ills" with my daughter. I don't believe that because she is having a hard time she should be yelled at and put away in some distant place 'cause I refuse to learn from the experience, to find a new way. I don't believe that sending this child into the current education system will help her---other than to teach her she needs to dampen her self in order to conform to a bureaucratic defined ideal. It is my opinion that the system is broken and needs to be fully overhauled (another post).

Visiting Great Mimi in the nursing home out East Texas a ways, along with new explanation of who the people were that Miss Monkey was to meet that day, my biological Father and his wife. The First Born handled the elder home very well considering her past history of growling, overt rudeness, behaving not the least bit friendly to elders. Though rather heart wrenching I handled it better than I had in the past. Were I able to teleport I would be there every weekend. Baby E of course was the cutest thing barely on two feet.

Lazy pleasant visits with a college girlfriend and her new husband found them flourishing, and after a gracious invitation we stayed with them our last 2 nights in Texas.

Our last day, my mother got into Grandma-ing a bit, a trip to the Dallas World Aquarium, then tailgate lunch, pony rides and inflatable pool back at The House. It was a rather idyllic day.

The Snake in the Dolls

In process of clearing the back deck, I discovered an old leather suitcase under a tarp. Knowing it would have to be moved I thought to peep inside to discover what might tumble out of the rotted thing should I grab the handle and start hauling away. One glimpse of that singular shape in the shadowed interior and I yelped and jumped back, hearing the rustling inside. "We've got a snake!!""" My brother dissected the suitcase with kiln tongs, alternately removing doll parts and fetid clothes before locating the serpent. After pinning it with the tongs then handled the 3', but rather lanky, scaly fellow, and relocated it to woods near the lake. We surmised the snake had been hibernating and simply hadn't woken to spring yet. And, Mom, in very typical fashion did her level best to salvage some of the dolls that had been so poorly stored. Only a small one survived, if Mom managed to remove serpent funk from the poor thing, I'm sure she sent it off to my Aunt to whom it may have belonged many many years ago---can't wait to hear about the arrival of that package.

And so ends May. We returned home to jubilant husband welcoming us with a full fridge and a tidy household. After some serious cleaning of the playroom there was a bit of time to relax and enjoy the holiday weekend.

She's 1 on the 11th in 2011

2011-05-11T22:53:00.000-06:00

Yep, an actual, real delivery photo. One year ago today.

And now, a year later, Birthday Dress at Mile Hi

Birthday Muffins

Of course, the Birthday Hat

Kitty is always involved

The Man just congratulated me on "raising another human creature to reasonable survivability." She walks, she talks a bit, Bpoppah (Papa), Deeee-deeee (Kitty or anything fuzzy n' furry), Yiah-yiaaah (Fiona), makes "nyumm-nyumm" noises if she wants food, or if she thinks something might be food. She signs almost consistently now, unless she's upset which has shown her to be a tummy-tantrum girl. E will throw herself on her tummy, spread eagle, and complain loudly. Little tantrums are beginning to show up, throwing her body around when I wouldn't pick her up immediately today, bonking her head only causing more frustration. She nods, which is a little unusual for her age, and she'll shake her head as well. Getting closer to Toddler, Baby E, is very nearly walking on her own. It's especially entertaining for Big Sister to aid her walking around stores by guiding whatever cart we happen to push. E will give us "big eyes" when we attempt to correct or guide her away from something. She's still very noisy, jabbering, humming, plain outright yelling, "buchika-buchika-buchika" among her mouth sounds---is it possible that this one might talk more than the other one??

Here I sit a proud proud Momma with a super great big 5 year old, and a slightly smaller super great big 1 year old. So neat!

May the Fourth Be With You

2011-05-09T09:28:00.001-06:00

4 May, Star Wars Day, and coincidentally Miss Monkey's 5th birthday.

For My Birthday

2011-05-03T11:08:00.001-06:00

I got happy-patted on the face by chubby hands first thing. And loving phone calls from Mom and The Man.

Baby E pooped in the toilet....only 'cause she was crawling 'round the place naked and I caught her up and placed her on the toilet before she did too much damage, she was perfectly happy and trusting to sit there and finish her business.

Miss Monkey announced that she's stopping her thumb-sucking today, as my birthday gift, totally her idea. She also had a massive breakdown 'cause the vacuum cleaner cord was too tangled for her skills. If one is familiar with her character, this is the first time she has ever vacuumed. She'd been mortally terrified of the vacuum since she was an infant so this is a huge step for her. Before there are any ideas about child labor, vacuuming the carpet under the table is an extra chore she chose to do in order to earn back toys that I have picked up for her. Lovin' & Logickin'. She needed a lot of empathy in order to calm herself 'cause the cord wasn't wrapped "straight up and down".

Maybe I'll make it to the gym in a reasonable amount of time, maybe I'll get my entire workout in today? maybe I'll just stick around the house and end up sewing something else or baking goodies just for fun. The Man is out of town, otherwise I might be able to take the day off in the sense that moms ever get days off. ; )
Always an adventure, Happy Day!

2011-05-02T14:14:00.002-06:00

This is how the time flies. I looked up and it's May already, and though I'm always writing posts in my head and keeping an active list of interesting or funny subjects, I can't believe I didn't get posting for an entire month! April was too too fun, we passed around illnesses, there was diarrhea for the kiddos and killer crusty coughing for us adults. And now the birthdays are here! Mine is tomorrow, then Miss Monkey's on Wednesday, and Baby E will be 1 on the 11th in 2011. The party for the three of us is Saturday, I realized last year that it would simply be nigh impossible to try to have cake n' balloons for each of us on each day---leftover cake for weeks, ugh! So, instead, we're making a tradition of "It's Your Day, Do What You Like". One snag this year, however. The Man is out of town for business conference, and so I will not be able to "do whatever I like" for my birthday, I'm sure this will be paid forward in days to come. ; )

My birthday gift is a new camera, hooray! Now I can again post more photos, and attempt to catch up documenting E's first year. I leave you with the borrowed camera's best photo of Easter.

Stair Climber!

2011-03-30T11:59:00.002-06:00

Up she went, Baby E. Proud as proud can be, grinning baby-teeths the whole way. Then excitedly reaching the top of the stairs, headed to the playroom finding Miss Monkey already in state of play.

I remember when the elder one started stair climbing, I was struck by the sudden quiet of downstairs in Maui house. When I looked for her she was no where to be found. I heard something upstairs, and there I found her, plumply plopped playing as if it was nothing new at all. I went straight away to get baby-gates, then when The Man arrived home that evening we both were proud to show off (mini)Monkey's new skill. So, for fun, I dug up F's vid.

When E wakes from nap, we'll get a vid of her as well. Proud Momma *sigh*. Babies aren't babies for long.

And...

Make a Different Dinner

2011-03-23T14:56:00.000-06:00

Precious few moments of real time alone because they both happen to be asleep---OMG---at the same time! I find myself in a small panic trying to prioritize what needs to get done, and yes of course I head to the interwebz. And here's why:

Last night, dinner was cheap kit chili, easy, fast. When asked by the elder of the two, "What is for dinner?" I answered "chili, with corn tortilla chips, sour cream, and cheese." She starts caterwauling, pleading for something different. In our house the kitchen is not a restaurant, we eat what I cook, I cook what is available and healthy. Sometimes there is occasion for chicken nuggets, hot dogs, or fish sticks, but not every night.

Oh, but wait! When said chili morphs into NACHOS, she excitedly eats her plateful. Same items for dinner, simple change of presentation. Make it fun and they will eat it. Simple snack of cheese & apple, turns into alien looking spidery creatures, and she's happy to clear that plate as well. Stellar!

Atomic Tantrum

2011-03-22T10:03:00.000-06:00

There are tantrums, and then there are TANTRUMS. The Atomic Tantrum, the tantrum from which there is no return. When one has "gone off the deep end" or "gone around the bend", and Miss Monkey has done this on several occasions. Of recent memory there have been massive explosions of emotion in the grocery store for nearly an entire shopping trip, big slamming of doors, and stomping of feet, blood curdling screams that would 'cause even the most stoic person pause. God bless the dramatics of Little Girls.

Visions of her making horrid noises, mean faces at people, trapped in the grocery cart as she was, caterwauling up a storm, interspersed with my comments of "Oh it's too bad you're having a hard time" & "I love you....I imagine you're feeling sad and mad" then walking nearby to shop. At one point I parked the cart near the flowers ("here sweeheart, you'll have something pretty to look at while you scream") and went on with my produce selection, a kind woman commiserated with me that her daughter was the same when she was little.

Miss Monkey had friends over to visit, it was a long fun day, everyone was doing welll with each other.

At first glance the initial tantrum was simple, and short lived, something to do with sharing balloons, that almost cascaded into her friends, all mitigated with a good snack. Hunger is a catalyst after all.

The Follow-Up, she went Atomic kicking at me flailing aggressively, threw a boot at me and a wooden rattle as a second choice to her toy laptop. Image etched in my memory of her red-faced fuming, fists clenched glaring holes through me 'cause I wouldn't let her have First Choice of chocolate chip cookie before our guests.

This is embarrassing to be sure, and acceptance is best in a situation where I know I'm not responsible for another's behavior. Think about it, I can't control another person unless I stoop to devious methods, even children. I know I have my hard days, and so does Miss Monkey. At my best I'm pretty empathetic, at my worst I don't care what you're feeling just stuff it and get on with life.

Love & Logic workshop The Man and I recently took was an immense help, yeilding up many more tools to use, most especially the verbiage we really needed. Take care of myself first, saying what I'm willing to do, rather than barking orders. Offering choices, even silly seemingly mundane choices, helps to maintain control on my terms, rather than constant power struggles. Let empathy and consequences teach the lesson (rather than monologuing, or forcing the lesson on them). For example, her newly acquired allowance will now be relegated to paying for damage she did to her door during the two most recent displays of temper . Once more, she knows it, she's accepted it, and is moving on. Ah, the resilience of little people.

Rooms Around

2011-03-14T13:02:00.001-06:00

I moved the rooms around. Now there is a sleeping room for the girls, and a playing/craft/soon-to-be education room. Miss Monkey is adjusting all right with Baby E waking periodically in the night. A few recent nights due to stuffy nose. Other nights, however, it seems baby simply wants to know that we're still around, cuddling her momentarily (not removing her from crib) and she heads back to sleep. As she's not on a schedule yet, I'm still not getting training in as I would like. Doing what I can when I can means squeezing in runs, and yoga. Finally a replacement swimsuit! So, a bit of swimming whenever plausible. Timing naps with Baby E means I haven't been to the gym in a looong while. Then passing around another bout of illness, and workouts get pushed back over and over. Excuses? not really. Re-prioritizing, is my term. I realized I was becoming too stressed trying hard to get a workout in at all, defeating the therapeutic effect. So, I'm giving over to care of the baby until she's at a place where it'll be easier to get it in. Might mean I'll pass up early season races, but come fall I'll be ready to go for sure.

I had really been feeling as if I had to prepare for battle every day with Miss Monkey The Terrible. I was really beginning to get into a power struggle over almost everything, and I felt as if I was operating withing a spiritual-mothering deficit. Little patience, no compassion, no energy for empathy. I was slowly slipping into a "do it or else" mode of parenting. And that is never how I set out to do this mommin'. So, The Man and I took a Love & Logic parenting class, and may I simply say WOW. Much has changed in the past 3 weeks that I've been using my newly acquired tools, there is less yelling, definitely less tantrumming (on both sides), and the theatrical crying we witnessed last night just didn't have the same 'oomph' that it normally does. Thank Goodness!

F has started her ballet class, and continues into Level 1 gymnastics. She apparently imagined ballet somewhat different than the reality, and expressed some disappointment around that. We'll keep going and see what happens though. When youth ministry teachers see me at Mile Hi they might quip, "Oh, you're Sparkle's mom!" Yes, that's our famous Dragon Warrior Princess Sparkle, and her brothers, all of them led by Luke Skywalker.

E is eating more solid foods, still nurses 3-4 times daily, drinks from a cup if offered, pulls up on everything creeping along, just beginning to attempt standing alone, loves pushing things around looking so proud practice-walking, and shakes her crib in anguish if we leave her up there foolishly thinking she'll go to sleep.

We are getting set to start homeschooling, and a visit to grandparents in Texas post-birthdays. Keep marvelously moving freely forward, in great gratitude always.

Any job

2011-03-02T11:33:00.000-07:00

"If you could do any job, what would you like to do?" from the writer's jar.

I don't know.
But I do know, I know there are things that I would like to do, than some vague fear of success keeps me from fulfilling.

That's right I said fear of success. Because with success come responsibility of maintaining that heart-felt dream. Exposure. Vulnerability.
So, let us call them dreams.

playing clarinet again
teaching yoga, owning a studio
empowering women to seek their strength in childbirth and mothering
owning a family style ice cream & coffee shop
sewing whenever I feel the urge to create
making big metal art, and stop motion animation paper art
sailing on the big deep blue ocean, swimming out there too
being a compassionate, empathetic mother
peace & ease with holistic education of my children

That's all that occurs to me right now.

One question

2011-03-01T11:59:00.000-07:00

Writing exercise from the jar: "If you could ask god any one question what would it be?"
Why?
Why does it have to be so hard? rather why do we make it so hard?
Why do we think we don't know the answers?
Why are we all so afraid? then why do we think we are supposed to be afraid?
Why is life so beautiful and yet we fail to see the precious moments of existence that we are given to grow beyond this mortal existence?

Why every time I start to write something, the baby cries? : )

The jar of writing exercise questions was a gift from Melissa Kline, and I'm trying them out here and there, now and again.

Oh! The Diapers We Tried! Pt. 1

2011-02-19T12:44:00.006-07:00

Disposables

meh. Pay for something that I'm going to throw away almost immediately. And by the way, the poop really is supposed to go in the toilet, especially the real poop after baby starts eating solids.

All-in-One by Bum Genius

Like most all in ones, took too long in the dryer, and I got tired of washing the entire diaper when I knew only the cloth needed it. A cute diaper though. I hear of TotsBots making an all-in-one diaper that has an easy-stuff insert and that dries easily. As I'm staying away from man-made fibers though I've yet to try one.

gDiapers' hybrid

Neato diaper, flush and done or compostable (very cool). Cute stuff and innovative design with a "wipe-clean" snap in liner covered with cloth-like outer(g-pant). The g-pants' velcro didn't wear well. Definitely more expensive than bulk disposables. Can be used with a g-cloth insert instead of the biodegradable/flushable insert.

Fuzzi Bunz pocket

Fuzzi Bunz I used mostly with Miss Monkey. However, the exclusivity of the wash was annoying. Meaning: they recommend not to wash the polyfleece pockets with any natural fibers (hemp or cotton, etc.) because it causes the fleece to pill and not to wash the polyester microfiber inserts with naturals as it supposedly has adverse effect for absorbency. Either way, it was a nuisance to find a washcloth accidentally mixed in, and have fiber strings from static sticking to the inserts and the diapers.

Furthermore, when Miss Monkey learned nighttime pottying, she would argue with me in the mornings about whether her diaper was dry or not. She insisted it was still dry 'cause she couldn't feel it was wet---a drawback of the "stay dry insert". Baby E has always had a specific "I'm uncomfortable with my bottom!" cry, and now that she's on the move she'll pester me until I check and change her.

---continued with Part 2---

Oh! The Diapers We Tried! Pt. 2

2011-02-19T12:44:00.005-07:00

Bum Genius pocket

I enjoyed the Bum Genius pockets, though again, those polyfiber inserts that I don't care for. Might get a couple more, sans insert, for The Man, these diapers work all right with prefolds as stuffin'.

Gerber prefold with Bumkins wrap

The Gerber prefolds sold at Target, the problem with them is they're "stuffed" with poly fill (gauze) instead of extra cotton layers, so they're less absorbent than they could be. They work fine for newborns 'cause there isn't much to absorb, but past point of newborn I only recommend them as a doubler if at all. These did get softer and softer with every wash. The Bumkins wrap, a wipe clean material, worked well for it's simplistic design, there are nice tabs to protect the velcro with every wash, the small size didn't fit over Baby E's chubster thighs. Once we came close to a total blowout with the mediums I knew it was time to upsize.

GroVia's (formerly GroBaby) hybrid

I was unimpressed with their netting lining the wrap, not a wipe-clean surface like other wraps, so ended up washing them more often than I wanted, and their aplix did not react well when accidentally dried. I did however like their disposable insert, and when sitters are here, or Gary's feeling challenged by diapering they're still available for use. Supposedly these inserts are flushable, also.

Babykicks Bumboo w/ hemp insert

I dislike the snap-over design. I tried some and when Baby E pooped it was a total mess with the flaps flopping around every.single.time. Their bamboo cotton mix lining has a terrible pill-ing problem, also. Didn't care for the hemp insert, too long to dry and seemed to smell funky too soon, nice leg gussets though. I just used that dipe (minus insert) as a swim diaper today.

Unbleached various prefolds with Sweet Pea/Blueberry/Thirsties Duo wraps

A flannel liner for poo removal/disposal, and a newborn prefold as a doubler at night. For versatility and economy pre-folds can.not.be.beat. Consider the methods of folding alone to accomodate different babies, consider the possibility of using pre-folds as inserts if necessary, consider that prefolds range ~$1.50-$2.75 each, add a $10 wrap that can be reused often...it's the best. Once my hands learned the pattern of "fold-snappi-wrap" it's quick, also. With cotton dipes, I can rinse them a couple times and add whatever else needs to be washed without a second thought. All my wraps are "wipe-clean" surface. The Sweet Pea has a stretch to it, and nice deep gussets. The Blueberry coverall, my favorite nighttime wrap, never has issues covering the pre-fold, nice gussets, as well. The Thirsties Duo I was disappointed with what they profess as a size 1 to fit up to 18# baby, did not fit Baby E, had to switch to size 2 immediately.

I have yet to try wool, though I appreciate the sustainability of it, the exclusivity of laundry looms with the idea of lanolizing, etc. I dream of a gusseted pocket diaper made with PUL that is reclaimed plastic, a sweet natural fiber flannel/fleece next to the bum, that has it's own contoured cotton insert or will accommodate good prefold.

She sits, she eats, she crawls, she has hair

2011-02-10T14:46:00.002-07:00

It it truly amazing how different these two little persons are already. Same gender, same parents, different people. Amaze-me.

Baby E started crawling 3 weeks ago. She has more hair than F ever did at this point, she's definitely an "eater". She'll put anything that'll fit into her mouth. She's noisy. Commenting, talking, YELLing, squealing, humming while she eats, humming while she goes back to sleep, making the insistent "AAAHH!" and looking intently to her person of interest, the babble is almost continuous. The humming is a key for me to know when she's crawling about she's got something in her mouth.

And now, pulling up to standing on everyone and anything with in arms reach. These are the moments when connections are made daily, we can watch the connections. I can see her thinking something over, judging a distance, learning how to make her body do what she wants, considering her options with direction and reward. For a day or so all she did was crawl from room to room, thoroughly enjoying that simple power. I can see the pure pride of conquering a new skill. Too too fun!

Attack of the Migrating Super Poo

2011-02-10T14:24:00.001-07:00

She hadn't gone in a day or so, and it happens when I least expect it. Thinking it was just any ole' diaper change, maybe a bit bigger than normal I was totally unprepared for what I unwrapped. At least I had presence of mind to start the process in the bathroom.

Pulled off baby's pants to discover poop smeared down her leg.

Um, okay. Guess I'll revamp my approach.

Un-snap the turtle neck of her shirt, peek down her back, and see more mess squished up and out of the diaper.

Hmm, well lets see how bad the damage really is.

Upon unsnapping the diaper wrap I.am.amazed. SO MUCH POOP. I had already handed Baby E something to keep her little hands busy whilst I attempted to mitigated the mess, I know that poop washes off it's still unnerving to find poop-icing wisp here and there as I'm trying to keep little one still long enough to frame a counter attack, all the while the main goal is to keep the poop away from her mouth.

Meanwhile she is happy as a clam and only fusses when I make negative "AaaGH!" noises 'cause I didn't move the decimated diaper out of arm's reach fast enough and her chubby paw now smeared with sticky poop.

Okay, measuring my options now. The bathroom floor is littered with poopie pants, poopie towel, uber-poopie diaper splayed open, poopie baby shirt, and a barely manageable squirming poo-smeared 9 month old. Keeping a wary eye on that poo smeared hand, I step over everything to the tub and start the water---wait! remove the sticky tub-mat, I don't want to clean every suction cup individually after this fiasco.

Water running? check.

Water temp okay? check.

Poo-Baby okay? check.

Wait! poopie-water pooling in shallow end!

SIT baby at other end.

Baby slippy-slides on her bottom leaving a poopie trail, back to the pooling water.

Move baby again to opposite end.

Slippy-slidey baby flips over and crawlslips back to running water to play!

Aagh! Move baby again, re-check water temp....START SHOWER! yeah, that's it, I'll start the shower!

No shower curtain hanging up, but that isn't stopping me now.

She is still a happy baby even as I'm holding her up to the shower spraying off as much poop as possible.

Eventually back in the running-water bath, I finish cleaning out the chubby creases, give her a good wash n' rinse with a cup, and then holler for Miss Monkey to assist with clean towel retrieval, who is very prompt and helpful, and summarily entertained by the whole escapade. She whooped with laughter as did I alternately with exclamations about the shear amount of poo to suddenly come from such a little body.

Started to think, what kind of diaper would have contained this? The answer is none, this was utter diaper overload. The Poo That Will Not Be Contained pays a visit to every Momma, then she can share her Legendary Poop story for years to come.

So, I'm off to finish rinsing out the leftovers and get some much needed laundry started.

2011-02-02T05:51:00.000-07:00

I was awake at 3ish this morning so excited for Groundhog Day! "I kid! I'm a kidder."

Lay there considering I might head to the gym to get the long workout in I need to, but I really prefer to wait until 4 to get up. Of course, I dozed off, Baby E awake at 5, nursing then she's back down...then it's too late to attempt early morning workout 'cause The Man leaves earlier than he used to, besides, it's a long one today.

And yesterday, began with such great intentions I was on track to hit the gym and then we head out for the rest of our busy-busy Tuesday.
Little girl gave me so much flack about what she needs to wear in this frigid weather we are delayed such that it's time for baby's morning nap...
and when the baby wakes we head to monkey's gymnastics class...
I figure, well, consequence is that she won't get to story time today as I need to put E down for nap reasonable time and hit the gym late shift at 4, it's a "short" workout so I'd be able to make it home to get dinner in order and baby in bed on time...
but then E doesn't wake again until after 4, by that time dinner's pressing as is baby's feeding/play/bed time...
I'm left wondering if I should goto gym at 7:30p, and I already know I wouldn't get to sleep until >>12a if I do that, which in turn would throw off today.

I relent and do yoga. And I will start my day with yoga today, keep my Self centered, things always so more smoothly when I'm up before the offspring.

I'm beginning to think maybe it'd be better to start "real" training when baby drops the morning nap, but that's is months away, and I want to race this summer.

Nuggets of Enthusiasm

2011-01-23T22:18:00.001-07:00

On a mama daughter sans baby sister evening, I took Miss Monkey to her first Nuggets game. She was beside herself with excitement.

The seats were nosebleed, it didn't matter, we had space to stretch out and the kiddos could move around a bit. She hailed the cotton candy guy, with authority I might add. I didn't have the heart to fight'im off once he'd climbed all the stairs to our seats.

Then she talked our friends into buying her a hot dog, and succeeded in only eating half---second hot dog of the day for her as it's AFC/NFC champ day and Papa has "football food" in the works.

and
Just before leaving she played tag with young sir friend in the giant foyer of Pepsi Center, good thing she worked off some sugar rush before we headed home. On the way out, she ran for cover to each giant sculpture, trash recepticle, and boulder hiding from "bad guys" a la Star Wars blaster fire fight.

A fun-filled evening, and though we left after half time I think it was just the perfect amount of time spent...she isn't yet 5 and asking her to sit through the second half with a sugar rush and past bedtime wouldn't have set us up for success.

So grateful that we are healthy, safe, and blessed.

2011-01-13T15:11:00.003-07:00

I think of all these really neat things to write about at night as I'm falling asleep...then have trouble remembering them in the light of day.
Meh-be I start keeping laptop next to the bed.

2011-01-08T09:45:00.000-07:00

"Any-Day" plans go like this:

Get to the gym, get to the grocery, the bank, the post office, the sewing store, the gymnastics, the storytime, the playdate, etc.

Why it goes awry:

Miss Crabby Monkey graces the house with her terrible attitude, extra whiny, extra bad attitude she spends the morning in her room.

Someone else is crying and fussing needs to be nursed and paid attention to. The bills need to be paid online and then of course I check my email and get on BT a little bit, and by the time all this has happened the window of opportunity for the gym has closed until post-nap for Baby E...so gym later. But she'll nap while I wear her in the grocery store, right? RIGHT?

Post nap there needs to be food for both of them before we head out, and there are lunches to be packed if we won't be back in time. Some days it takes a full hour to ensure enough food, extra clothing, diapers, coloring, dolly, and the kitchen sink are all packed in in order to launch.

I have in the past week been a stickler for the earlier bedtime for both the girls and it seems to have alleviated some of the tantrum prone parts of the day. Now, to weed out the whine-testing Miss Monkey has of late been attempting to engage us with.

So it goes.

2011-01-07T15:51:00.000-07:00

Really, sitting here, hangin' out before I pull the brownies from the oven and dash to see The Man at his office, random Friday afternoon...plump one is "big sigh" looking for what comes next and making the uber-cute baby noises but hasn't started classic crawling and sits, waiting for more entertainment...the other is lounging in her dress up heels mentions a broken foot while trying to snatch dust from the air, sings a gibberish song introducing her baby doll to baby sister.

Who are these people? Did I really birth them? or were they beamed here from someother plane of existence?

Simply Holiday

2011-01-01T20:44:00.001-07:00

Christmas was fairly quiet and very simple for us. Miss Monkey received her wished for Santa gifts, and we went for a ride and run on bright beautiful Christmas day. Last night we talked about how New Year's Eve was a celebration to mark the next calendar year, then kiddos off to bed. The Man and I had s'mores from the fireplace, watched movies, and I fell asleep until Baby E fussed somewhere around midnight.

Peaceful holiday weekends---unless you count the massive meltdown we were embarrassed to leave a party one evening. Small children + sugar + over-stimulation + more sugar + lack of sleep due to holiday party excitement and crazy schedules = complete utter loss of social emotional control, or Atomic Tantrum. It's bound to happen at least once, the trick is not to make threats we're unwilling to carry out. In this case I could see that there was no "reset" button to be found, she was already beyond. I spoke to her firmly, quietly, right in her ear, gave her the choice to calm herself or we'd have to leave, well, we had to leave. Sometime later, about half way home, a switched flipped and it was almost as if nothing happened. The next morning it seemed she didn't remember much---sugar hangover? It's gotta be challenging to keep up with adult schedules throughout the holidays, learn all the new things, the excitement of Santa's impending visit, eating all the sugar, meeting all the people, etc. etc.etc. All things considered I think with only one meltdown we did all right.

Thank the goodness for friends and family to spend the holiday time with. I am so grateful for the year we've had, though it was trying we kept moving forward and landed all right, a learning experience for certain. I'm also grateful for all the new friends we've made and all the 'old' friends that have stuck.

Hope your holidays were blessed, may you enjoy ringing in the New Year, stay safe, be joyous, may your heart be light, know that you are loved, and may your coming year burst with abundance.

Perfection at Postal Service

2010-12-22T16:23:00.000-07:00

Nothing says Christmas to me like the post office. Being there sending something to a far away friend or family member, watching others packing bright gifts up to send, or gathering up their mail and packages from vacation hold. It's pretty magical that I can send a card from here to Alaska or Hawaii or New York for less than $0.50 (can't even buy a soda for that!). I enjoy the post office normally, but especially during holiday season. I get a lift from sending packages or cards. Once, more than several years ago, I was the sobbing girl at the counter, missing my husband, sending him a package in hopes that he'd have a bit of Christmas whilst we were so far apart. On the other hand, if a package arrives with my (or my daughters') name I simply cannot leave it un-opened...packages that aren't addressed to me are almost too too tempting, also!

I digress. The First Born wanted to send something to her little friends for Christmas, I suggested silly bands and the hand made cards she put together all by herself, I made custom envelopes with her appointed color for each of them. This afternoon we wait in line at the USPS office, she's chatting away with random abandon, and notices two soldiers at the counter. "Hey, Mama, they're wearing funny shirts!"
I explain, "Well, they're wearing uniforms, sweetheart, they're soldiers."
"Why are there soldiers, Mama?"
"Because sometimes we need them to help keep us safe."
"They travel a long way, to different countries, don't they?"
"Yes, sometimes, usually they're away. But it's Christmas-time and lots of them get to come home to be with their families."
There was some talk of shooting and hunting...sometimes soldiers are hunters, but not all hunters are soldiers. Then,
"Can I go talk to them?"
"Well, can you wait until after they're done with their business at the counter?"
"Yes. Then I want to tell them, 'Thank you for keeping us safe, and Merry Christmas!' "
So she waits, and I wait, teary eyed, the Ergo-ed Baby E makes exclamatory remarks"BbAH, AgH, BbAH!". A couple of minutes and it's mission accomplished, the gentlemen smile and wave as they head back outdoors. Sweet Miss Monkey then makes her way to the counter to send off her small presents.

While I fully recognize the differences in the armed forces and their compartmentalized duties, 'keep it simple' is best sometimes. And anyone who serves to protect the general populace such that we are safe everyday; Police & Fire, Sheriff, National Guard, Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, BIG WONDERFUL HOLIDAY THANK YOU!

In the basement...

2010-12-21T00:18:00.000-07:00

There's a bike. It's from Santa, and it's supposed to be hidden until the big day. But today in classic 4 year old fashion F went downstairs to look for her blankie that had gone missing almost 2 full days ago. She does an odd (hereditary on her Papa's side I think) thing...she looks for the missing item in places where it couldn't possibly be.

Down to the basement she went, and excitedly returns to me to report that there's "something down there, it's purple and white with flowers! it's a big girl bike, Mama!"

I play cool, "Oh? hmm, well, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Well, come and see!"

"No. I'm not going downstairs...." then cheerfully, lightly,
"That's not our space down there, Ms. Landlay-Dee is storing things down there. I'm not going down there, it's not our space remember? And you're not to go down there either."

She did try to get down there once more, but was diverted cleverly with other Christmasey things to be done.

Crisis averted? We'll see. The Man already went to do some magic downstairs, so hopefully I'll just use my considerable tools of Denial and Distraction to pretend like nothing happened.

Christmas now? christmas not?

2010-12-21T00:02:00.000-07:00

Gifting. It's one of my truly favorite things to do for holidays. But I'm past the buying of an item in order to have something to give. If it's not applicable, interesting, or something I think the person will really enjoy, I just don't see the point. Do I really need to gift more stuff to people that I'm certain have too much stuff already? Because really what happens with the item that I thought would have some meaning...it's lost in all the rest of the stuff. Christmas is hard when there's not enough money to buy a lot of stuff, mostly 'cause we've been so very conditioned to associate the season with shopping rather than giving. I recently heard someone remark that his new daughter-in-law typically spends upwards of $4k for holiday shopping. Wow. But then right now, $100 is too much and $100k isn't enough. I find myself looking for, finding, and defining more meaning in this year's celebration. This has been catalyzed by having children. With the First Born's first Christmas, the re-birth of the new year, solstice, etc. began to have weight to them. Now that we are enjoying and learning a new philosophy with Mile Hi Church of Religious Science things are more and more meaningful. The senior minister said recently that birth of the christ child represents the birth of highest consciousness within ourselves, and the manger is our heart. Call it Buddha-self, Christ consciousness, walking with Tao, it's all Truth, the Golden Thread that binds all walks of faith.

Anyway, this has been a year of growth, learning, and deepening our relationships---especially now since we're staying 'round here in Denver area! Such a relief to know that we're not leaving, the stress of possibly re-establishing community is gone. But then the flip side is that I now must be comfortable with reality of real grown-up friendships where people have seen my imperfections, and like me anyway. So my gifts this year are less monetary, less stuff, and more of the intangible. The things that I learn, that I might pass them on to my girls; my experience, strength and hope that I might share with others, that just might help someone some how. I truly do live in abundance and I am so grateful.

Baby E

2010-12-18T11:11:00.001-07:00

She wrings her hands and her toes when really upset, she already has tears. Sucks her right thumb and fiddles her ear when drifting to sleep. She has a tooth now, and trembles with excitement when being fed. With her first bites, squeals and exclamations were so exuberant I thought she might choke. Uses fat fingers to attempt Happy Puffs o's into her open drooling mouth, succeeds almost half the time. She sits, she sways, rocks, and planks; she seems totally content on her back holding her feet, not quite crawling, though certainly on the verge, I might describe her as nonchalant about very idea.

Her chubby legs and feet barely fit the "12 month" size socks we picked up, the polka-dots stretch to ovals. That sweet-sweet face sleeping soundly in the bed as I sneak from under-covers to have a few moments of my own before the day begins. The fussing at night as been barely bearable, as I'm trying not to bring her to bed, and not to nurse her between 10p and 5a. In the morning she looks at me bright-eyed, as if to deny that siren-wail baby ever existed. She's attached, and that's good though it makes my getting moment's peace a lot less likely. Her scrunched-nose scowl 'n' wiggle-sway keeps us giggling, a sure sign of a pleased baby here.

Oh, how we love the baby-love.

Road Trip

2010-11-30T21:43:00.003-07:00

Captain Read-Every-Sign-Aloud-and-Comment-on-the-Obvious resumed his position of most honorable drive master. Co-Captain/Navigator Designate Milk-Maker-Baby-Soother-Child-Distractor (wo)manned the co-pilot seat. Then the Gigglesisters piled in the back seat, and we're off to grandparents house.

When she was 1.5 years Miss Monkey weathered the trip to Texas for grandparents visit with a video player, and by the time we arrived she was zombified. This year we did it old school, no video. Books on tape, music, coloring, staring out the window, giggling with the baby girl, and a view finder click-click-clicking away. It's a 13.5 hour trip (~778 miles), we left at 3:30 am MST putting the girls in the car in hopes that they would sleep for a few hours before the day began, it worked mostly. One tank later we stop for breakfast somewhere in New Mexico, then it's on the road again. I estimate it was about 10am or so before we heard the first "Are we there yet?" plaintively from the back seat. "No, it's a loooong drive to Gramma's & Grandpa's house. Remember we looked on the map, and talked about how long the drive would be? All day, remember? Well, we're about half way there now."

Then about an hour later, "Are we there YET?" suddenly we are entertained with, "I think you took a wrong turn, Papa. We should be there by now." Later interspersed with "When do we eat? I think we should stop at a restaurant." This continues on into the afternoon, watching the miles and tiny towns roll away. Eventually, sometime mid-afternoon, I think she surrendered to the car. It's hard to teach a new person how to sleep in the car, too. When I was little we took our favorite pillow and blanket and made a bed as best we could, elbowing each other out of the way, to be comfortable enough to sleep. The more we slept the faster the trip went. The First Born would have none of this sleeping in the car, I think she just couldn't get comfortable or she wasn't tired enough. Baby E did great up until the last couple of hours when she had obviously had enough. I spent that time twisted part-way 'round so she could have a hand to toy with, my guess, to know that she wasn't trapped back there without us. On our way home---post refreshments and visit with Maui-Amarillo transplant buddies---the baby was fed, diapered, jammied and ready for "bed". The bigger one fell asleep on cue for bedtime and stay asleep until we were almost to Denver, when, for whatever reason, she was wiiide awake at 11pm. Miss Chatty-Chatskins, the content of which we understood very little, most of it was dream-conscious gibberish I think, and something about Chuck-E-Cheese. She almost had a fit when I told her she had to go to bed immediately upon our arrival home. Gone are the days when we could nurse our babies while the husbands drove, and kids calling dibs on the way-back seat could stretch out for the cruise.

We made it, in good time, and enjoyed our visits with everyone immensely. Gratefully enjoying every moment. Happy Thanksgiving.

p.s. when the family joke has become to comment on the "funny lookin' dawgs" in the vast cattle fields of Texas, it's best to surrender to the silliness.

Workout? what workout?

2010-11-10T21:37:00.000-07:00

I haven't rooted to the couch, that's something at least.

There were at least 6 weeks there when Baby E arrived that for obvious reasons I merely concentrated on sleeping when I could and recovering from the endurance challenge that is the last trimester or so of pregnancy culminating in the extreme endurance of labor.

After the okay from Doc I did workouts here and there when I could, and still there were snags in my plans.

I can't workout if my breasts are or will become engorged---that's uncomfortable. So timing my workouts post-nursing, and hopefully while baby is sleeping is key. Add to that I must time my workouts according to my nutrition and availability of some one to keep eyes on the offspring and it gets tricky, GloboGym won't take any infants in childcare < 6 months. When Miss Monkey has a bike again, she can ride while I jog Baby E in the Burley. But without a bike trailer I'm trapped on the trainer or spin bike.

I got into such great habits of eating while training for the 1/2IM and I kept up that metabolism with swimming & walking while preggers (besides the mega-munchies to feed that baby), which means that I have to eat before a workout (and sometimes during) otherwise I bonk. So there were the times that The Man came home early-ish I could've headed to the gym but I was hongree, and if I stay to eat I end up putting kiddo to bed, then had to nurse the baby again before bed, and suddenly it's 9pm and I'm wasted tired and just want to sleep. Wake up next day, after a baby feeding or two in the night, and repeat...oh, and 4 hours or less of sleep in a shift.

Then there's moving, and the big pause with Miss M, and moving again. Makes for even less time, and less schedule to operate with. I did get yoga in, a little strength training, and more run than bike, no swimming tho'...and that little bit probably kept me sane with a Little Girl that was acting out and a sweet -sweet demanding infant. Social obligations aside, just getting baby n' kiddo into some semblance of schedule proved impossible, and only just now have we settled into a routine in the new place. Finally!

Hope beyond hope that AquaPiglet (thank you, TriAya!) has settled into a 6ish to 4ish sleep, then we nurse early, she goes back down, and I head out to do something until Loving Husband departs for his fantabulous VP position. If there's time later in the day for more, then we're golden, it'll develop just as it should, I've faith.

Shopping races for next season, and looking forward to getting back into the rhythm.

Humorista

2010-11-09T15:53:00.001-07:00

Miss Monkey, other than the self explanatory slap-stick silliness.

Situation 1:

Papa singing in the kitchen, loudly, operatically, about chicken soup or ramen noodles. She trots to her room specifically to dig out a kazoo-like ocarina shaped tooter, pokes her head around the door and "ttoooooots" into his song. She grins, we laugh.

Situation 2:

Sitting around a table, the two of them are facing me. I'm relaying the events of the morning, visiting fabulous neighbors, etc. The Man says, "oh, you have something on your face...a smudge of something."

"What? I do?" says I.

"Yeah," says he.

"Really? 'cause that would suck, I mean, I would swear that if I really had something on my face then one of the moms would have said something to me....Miss Monkey, do I have anything on my face?"

Small pause, as she considers, then without prompting of any kind, with poker face, "Yeah, you do!"

"Whaaat???"

And as he couldn't handle it anymore, my loving husband bursts out laughing, as does Fiona. Ganging up on me already.

Situation 3:

The other evening, returning home, the first born notices my husband wearing my Broncos cap (yes a bit embarrassing at this point considering their latest games). She's been experimenting with our given names lately, and we repeatedly ask her to call us Mama and Papa or Dadah(her concoction of Papa & Daddy). So, here he comes wearing my cap. "Mama, Gary's wearing your hat! Mama, GARY is wearing your Broncos hat! MAMA, GARY IS WEARING YOUR BRONCOS HAT!"

From the other room I hear, "Please! call me Papa, I really prefer it when you call me Papa!"

Back in the kitchen, "Ada! Papa's wearing your hat!" too smart, and too too funny.

Silent Mommie

2010-11-04T14:45:00.000-06:00

Tuesday past, my voice completely left me all day, and has only returned in patches 3 days later. The First Born really misses her bedtime story from me. I gave a valiant effort last night, but she was so disturbed by my coughing fits at every page turn she allowed me to give up and call in a replacement. But then there was a tantrum and as it turned out she didn't get a story what with poor behavior. Too sad to be unable to read to her, even sadder for me to be unable to sing lullaby to the baby. F expressed some fear that I wasn't going to get my voice back---well, Bear expressed that fear, "Well, tell Bear that I've got medicine now, and I'll be okay soon." I've been ill for a week now, having not shown much improvement, I burst into tears last night 'cause I'm so tired, tired of this illness, tired of inability to be Best Mommy, and really frightened that it mightn't end, that it'll pass on to the girls. The nurse practitioner decided on two antibiotics to treat what may have started as flu but ended up as a combination of infections ear/nose/throat---superfun.

What I noticed while I was struck dumb.

My baby missed my voice. Signing with her a little so far helped the situation I think, but I notice that she was less vocal around me, and it was heart-wrenching to interpret her questioning looks upon my whispers.
Facial expressions and body language are amazing communicators with out voice. I never considered that my facial expressions could be more expressive, but they had to be considering I didn't have my normal voice inflections. A smile isn't simply a smile, and a look directly into the eye counts for so, so much.
I had so much more time to listen, and nothing at all to say. My whispered responses weren't going to be heard, and it felt like a luxury to not respond to every little thing said. It's easier to hear when I'm not thinking about what I'm going to say, and I heard more than I normally do.
Thought about what it must be like to be a hearing/speaking child growing up in a deaf/dumb household. I once knew a young man whose parents were both deaf, yet his faculties were intact, he had interesting child hood stories.

I look forward to regaining my ability to communicate in normal voice rather than honks and squeaks,---and the occasional alarming lowing moan reserved for that persistent throbbing headache.

Not but healing thoughts from here on out, and may I permanently retain that expanded listening ability.

IT CAME FROM....

2010-11-02T05:16:00.001-06:00

the baby? the 4 year old? one can't be too sure with familial epidemiology. But I got it, and if Baby E had it before me it must have morphed into something bigger and uglier special for me.

My harrowing Halloween tale of fever dreams and delirium started Friday afternoon, mild fall day, Miss Monkey in her costume walking her baby, Leia, and I wearing the infant exploring our small new community. Then the goosebumps started, flashes of chills, my skin began to hurt, I finally said, "I think I need to go back inside and lie down." By the time The Man arrived home from work I had given up on being vertical at all, called in Dr. Sparkle (who by the way is very good if you've need of a pint-sized pretend physician), and was lying on the bed covered head to toe with jammie-pants, hoodie, and blanket. He said he could feel me baking underneath it all...I was just soooo coooold. 103.7 F read the thermometer, and as Dr. Sparkle took notes, The Man decided he'd head to the grocery to get additional supplies.

Saturday was spent feeling as if I'd been run over several times, then was being pulled in multiple directions by the other members of the family, I was eventually ordered (and partly retreated) to the bed where Baby E chewed on a toy while I dozed. After an afternoon nap whilst The Man whisked Miss Purple Princess Monkey away to Boo at the Zoo, I felt somewhat better popped more pain reliever and allowed myself to be talked into going to the family Halloween costume party we had planned on attending. He aided me tying a green blanket toga 'round myself, I called myself a stem wearing a flower-baby. I was warm at least, and somewhat coherent for a couple of hours. We carved pumpkins Sunday, 4 now, and mostly hung around...again I'm dozing in and out of feverish sleep. BUT is that ALL? is that then END? You say, surely you must feel better now, right? At least according to my schedule I should've shaken this by Sunday evening.

No, instead I'm sitting right now, ridiculous early, sans voice, with a terrible cough, and ears I swear if I'd an icepick I'd relieve the pressure horror movie style. Voiceless, I went to bed super early to awaken at midnight or so with my head so filled with gook I thought I'd gotten water trapped in my ears somehow, and so engorged I had to come downstairs to pump. Every turn of the head was painful, and the fever was back up again, took another Tylenol and waited for it to work. Few hours later, somehow Baby E has slept all the way through the night, I'm awake again with sweats and painfully engorged breasts. I bided my time 'til 4am, and decided I'd just get up. Too uncomfortable to sleep, the Tylenol helps a lot, but doesn't make it go away. And what are the friggin' odds that The Baby sleeps all the way through the night? sheesh. Breastfeeding while ill is hard on me 'cause I feel as if I'm being drained of more than milk.

So, here I am, praying for it to be over already, and praying that the little ones don't get it from me--at least not the version I'm fighting. Pictures of our Halloween soon to follow (minus the illin' mama).

Resurrection of the Sock Monkey

2010-10-15T21:22:00.000-06:00

When I was really small, probably same age Miss Monkey is now, I remember cutting foam up to re-stuff a sock monkey. I'm actually not sure if Mom made it for me from scratch, but it's possible considering the era. I have recollection of the way the foam felt under the shears, clipping it io workable pieces. I remember his mirror button nose being too floppy for my discerning four year old taste, staring at my reflection for eons. When Sock Monkey wasn't turning out exactly how I imagined, he was a bit lumpy and misshapen, I also remember being afraid to ask for something more or different, fearing the answer, guilty of asking at all. I'm working on this new gig, asking for what I want, being specific, and realizing that I needn't feel bad or be afraid of the answer. I'm here just like everyone else, neither above nor below. It's challenging. Better to be a healthy example than to listen to my daughter say things like, "oh, well, I'm so thirsty....I guess I can't get anything to drink though..." like a little martyr-in-training, rather than ask for help.

There are moving tubs everywhere full of oddities, and F came up with Sock Monkey that probably hadn't seen the light of day in almost 10 years (I recall my college boyfriend thought it creepy). The foam was shot and he was dirrrrty. After an overnight spa-soak in vinegar/borax/bit-o-bleach, he washed and dried just fine. But with further inspection, the first born decided she might like to have him re-stuffed, and I happen to have some lovely stuffing on hand from a quilt shop going-out-of-business. She also asked that his mirror nose be tacked down somehow---funny coincidence that. Then, newly firmly fluffed, with buttons reinforced and non-noddy nose, he went to bed with Little Girl and has been under her arm practically all day. I'm proud, Sock Monkey turned out just how I wanted him to, he's the embodiment of heirloom.

Porter in the Klink

2010-10-11T09:38:00.000-06:00

Our Porter kitty spent the last few days at Miss M's in his kennel. Evidence pointed to a territorial outburst between Pan and Himself. There was fair warning of this when it was discovered he was searching out Pan to pick fights, then he was found bullying her in Miss M's closet. When he was discovered pseudo-spraying the sewing room, Miss M's inner sanctum, he had to be kennel-ized. For the last 4 days or so while we were with her, Porter was allowed 2 "walks" in the "yard"(a.k.a. the mudroom) where he was fed & watered and used the box. In general he handled it well, I think he understood he had done wrong.

Now we are a week into the townhouse. While certain of the arrangements were rather disappointing---we felt a little taken advantage of---that aside, we are making ourselves comfortable and think we will enjoy it here. Porter has spent the first week tormenting my loving husband, sending him into fits of frustration, clawing his way into the access panels of the master bath tub. My mate was all a tizzy with day dreams of deceased kitty, bio-hazards, and death-rot par fume. Finally, The Man simply liquid-nailed the panels shut, and Porter looked bored yesterday having his fun cut short.

The kitchen is unpacked, the laundry is cycling, we're slowly getting it up and running. About moving: it's expensive to set up household over and over, the workload tends to triple. In addition, to all the regular cooking, errands, tidying, there's unpacking to do in every spare moment. And Halloween is coming, I've got to get costumes together for the offspring, get some activities planned with friends, begin planning for pumpkins! My it's a beautiful life!

Here comes the Sun

2010-09-22T08:02:00.000-06:00

The magical Sun. It's fantastic. Baby E had a pretty persistent rash even though I cloth diaper. I sat with her naked self in full sun for several minutes watching the rash disappear and next day it was completely gone.

I've been thoroughly enjoying hanging diapers on the line here at Miss M's. Sun has done wonders with some greasier bright orange stains on the dipes. Want to keep whites whiter? keep diapers stain free? sans chemicals? Hang'em on the line! Nothing compares to warm crispness of sheets fresh from the line.

And here in the Mile High City the sun is especially intense on cloudless, breeze-less days. We were fortunate to be at the Broncos home opener this past Sunday. Sitting in upper level seats facing West, we almost baked to death! Toward the end of the game I was feeling an urge to move to any seat just to see if the sun would be less intense even a few yards away. I didn't want a brat or a beer it was so hot, I just wanted shade and an array of Popsicles. Thank goodness for forethought of sunscreen and 1L waters!

Cat Pecking

2010-09-17T17:37:00.000-06:00

ORDER. The Feline Pecking Order has taken weeks to become established. There are 2 cats that live with Miss M, one very skittish, stand-offish Pan, and a fairly laid back always hungry Agnes. At first hiss Porter understood that he was low on the totem, and he acted very respectful as a guest in Their house. Slowly, slowly Agnes let Porter get a little bit closer, and a little bit closer, every day or so. At about 2 weeks they were able to be within a couple of feet of each other peaceably. Then it developed our Cow-Print Killah figured out just how panicky Pan-kitty really is. So he's turned bully, and chases her up the stairs if he sees her coming down for dinner. Miss M keeps the spray bottle close at hand so that bullying doesn't get out of hand, but still Pan takes most of her meals in the bedroom.

One morning, too early to be human, a catty racket echoed through the house---apparently between Porter and Agnes. My guess, Porter must have made his move on Agnes to be Top Kitty, and she would have none of it. He was so unnerved having his tail served to him, he started horking up his dinner. The Man bolted out of bed and rushed convulsing kitty to the bathroom to avoid cleaning carpet. In the daylight Porter had a scratch on his nose, and spent the day in his kennel-box under observation.

Currently, the order stands now with 1) Agnes, 2) Porter, and begrudgingly 3) Pan, at least for the next 2 weeks until we move to The Townhouse.

I mentioned Agnes is hungry, always always always hungry. She'll start the mewing at 4 am or 4 pm making sure to get the early reminder in to the household that it will be time for Her to eat---in two hours! Apparently she's started panhandling at doors down the street as she was recently returned by a neighborhood kid. In addition to learning what time food is dished here and adopting local attitudes about it, our kitty is quite taken with the menu here. He's a special needs kitty, with his Adult Urinary Tract Formula cat food, he cannot eat much of anything else or he'll back up his tract. It doesn't stop him from getting in where he can though. The Man came upon him licking out the bowl after Agnes had finished eating. And when I sprinkled a few meager pieces of food during a feeding one evening, Porter immediately proceeded to hunt down each and every one, munching away. That's just sad, but then I have to admit that a strict diet of only food that will support urinary tract health doesn't sound appealing to me, either.

Hallmark Mama

2010-09-15T08:42:00.001-06:00

Recently in a conversation with a friend whose children are fully into adult hood, we touched on the subject of "the mom I want to be".

I remember a childhood searching the racks of greeting cards for something suitable to send the absentee biological father. I was never able to find anything to my liking because none of them would have been honest, and why send a card that lacks honesty? It's an empty gesture, useless---when I receive one it borders on insultingly comic, and I feel somewhat saddened the sender and I aren't more connected. Most cards describe idyllic scenes that I felt I never really had. I find it impossible to send a card that lacks honesty, it's important to me that words, even in a store bought card, have some reality to back up the idyllic fluff.

So my friend mentions that she's happy to receive cards from her adult daughter and is fully accepting of them because she knows what the card says is true.

I want to be that mama. When I get the Hallmark card in the mail and it's reminiscent of "sunny afternoons, kissed away hurts, and homebaked cookies", I want to know that it's more than accurate.

I want to be the Hallmark Mom.

Hair today

2010-09-14T21:23:00.004-06:00

Pulling my hair out, by the handful it seems...because it's too easy right now. This is phase two of postpartum, when hormone withdrawal truly sets in making for roller coaster days here and there and my hair ends up in and on everything.

Recently, post shower--woo-hoo! a full shower!--as I'm pulling my wayward hair from the comb, the drain, the floor of the bathroom, preparing the perennial ponytail. Miss Monkey asks what I'm doing.

"Well, my hair is falling out. It's what happens to most mamas after having a baby."

Big eyed, "It's not ALL gonna fall out is it?"

"Heh, no, honey, when I was pregnant I didn't lose any hair the whole time, and now that I've had the baby my body is sort of 'catching up' with the hair it was supposed to lose."

I pause, at this point it's unwise to complicate the explanation further. The data definitely goes in, it sticks, and is regurgitated when I least expect it, in the oddest situations and usually for complete strangers.

Baby E's hair has changed considerably, also, her newborn straight trading for an auburn-blonde fuzz. She's definitely more baby than squishysoft-humalien. Cradle cap was an issue for a little while, which I hadn't dealt with before. "They" say not to pick at it--damn near impossible not too 'cause the little crusty head is right below my chin most of the time, plus we are primates.

To remedy, I took an expired natural, soft, toothbrush of the firstborn's and some Johnson's Baby (contains citric acid) and after a couple of good scubby shampoos it's cleared up nicely.

On another note Miss Monkey, after cutting her hair, again, and then my poor attempts to remedy it with bangs--which turned out okay, she can pull it off 'cause she's 4--anyway, she's got a killer cute cut now, "rockstar" as a friend said. Though I know bangs and shorter hair are more maintenance it seems to be a good fit with her particular hair growth.
Rock on.

GO, FULL BOTTLE!

2010-08-31T12:11:00.001-06:00

Go milk yourself! Possibly an insult to anyone other than a lactating female—there is a great relief associated with emptying an engorged breast. Baby E has finally gotten a handle on the firehose-like nature of my let-down reflex. Though, rather than bigger gulps as her sister did, she pops off my breast to take a break which has led to many a milk shower for her and anyone nearby.

I feel more secure with a freezer full of breastmilk, and I tend toward a compulsion of replacing bags thawed for bottle feeding. There's a certain udder pride with production of a full bottle (or more) of milk. It pains me to waste my milk. I winced when I had to pour "expired" breastmilk down the drain t'other day. Once, when F was ~10 months, I almost started sobbing in the airport as a gentleman told me I couldn't take the milk I'd pumped all weekend onto the plane. I was saved the tearful scene, as a Papa himself he understood and found a way to make it work, I reached home with milk in hand. Making milk is hard work! It is indeed a superpower of sorts. All the energy into making milk that sustains and nourishes a new person, it's amazing. Magically the babyweight disappears and I begin to feel more and more like myself.

This baby girl burps herself. The First Born took some effort to burp, but this new one—if I let her rest a bit before sitting her upright—she'll burp upon reaching a vertical position. She's really more of a belcher, I could hardly call these gaseous pops the typical baby burps. On one occasion she was beside herself with discomfort, I took initiative to frustrate her more with a burping mid-nursing session, she cried-urped-cried-urped until all the gas was gone, then finished her meal with much more comfort. There have been multiple incidents of blubbery flutter-blasts of the breast (a.k.a. rasberries or zerburts) as she has burped while nursing. Both girls have been noisey nursers, imagine the gobbling panting gulping eating noises interspersed with "BLAUT-TWAUT-twuttwuttytwut"—but not the other end as a mama might expect! To which I giggle and she re-latches and keeps right on going.

The Epic of Gilgamilk seems a bit obscure, maybe Mantra of Milk Monster, or "Here's milk in yer eye!" Just call me Wonder Wo-Mom.

2010-08-05T11:20:00.000-06:00

Moving is completed after many many trips to ARC Thrift for donations, the the storage room, and to Miss M's who generously opened her home to us for this month.

The second to last trip from the rental house, sweaty, tired, crying baby behind me, rush hour traffic, and a toy in a bag next to me singing a random "camptown races sing this song, do-dah, do-dah---DING DONG!---BEEP-BEEP!...camptown race is---HONK-HONK!....do-dah, do-daaah---DING-DONG!"

It's more warbled and mistuned because the batteries are dying.

I just laughed and laughed. The ridiculousness of the enormity of what I'd just completed in the past few days culminating in hilarity. Insanity made sane by grace and ease, knowing this too shall pass and it does not have to be done all at once.

Thank the goodness it's over for the time being. May a house to own soon be ours!

2010-07-27T00:38:00.005-06:00

As moving day quickly approaches, I'm starting to feel the pressure for real. Miss Monkey was moody today and I'm trying a new method of simple detachment. 4 year old beligerence is amazing, and I'm not going to engage with her any more. She got a bunch of natural consequences today, fell out of a chair (goofing around instead of sitting), got scratched by the cat(tried to stuff him into laundry basket), went to bed without her blankie (forgets where it is every night). I've been talking to her a LOT about thinking before she does something, asking her, "do you think that's a good idea or a bad idea?" and "what could you do differently?" She's made a connection with saying "I'm sorry..." to get out of time out. Well, today, "I don't want an apology, I want you to think about your behavior" let's see what you could change. I feel that at a certian point--when she's squealing n' screamin' sitting in timeout spot--I have no recourse and we need to be separated else frustration emerges in ugly ways. Today I was successful in the dis-engage theme, and did not lose my temper even though I ran up against that gritted teeth feeling in a handful of moments. I probably use the phrase "USE YOUR WORDS" 3 dozen times a day, maybe it's losing potency.

Babies are easy compared to 4 year olds. I should have listened when people exhibited this in their love-the-baby examples. But I am stubborn and like to make things harder than they need to be. First-borns are so SERIOUS.

Moving a household is tough, I don't wish it on anyone. I realized today that The Firstborn has moved Maui to Cali to Colorado (Denver to Broomfield), that's almost one move for every year she's been on the planet with us. This pattern is unacceptable. I am so very very grateful that we will fine a permanent place soon and deepen our roots here.

Bridged the gap

2010-07-21T12:06:00.003-06:00

By god-the-universe serendiptous occurences all in the right order at the right time, we get to stay in Denver area! While we are still moving out of the current rental, and plan to actively search for a lease w/ option, I can relax and make plans...long term plans, for the first time in my adult life. Not only I can, but I also want to. The Man secured, by his extensive skill set, a VP position with a growing construction company.

HIP-HIP, HOORAY!! HIP-HIP, HOORAY!! HIP-HIP, HOORAY!!

So here is a gratitude list of late.
A -- action and the action of inaction
B -- being in the moment
C -- Colorado's state medical assistance for pregnant women & children
D -- downright REAL people
E -- evergreen smells on a walk with Miss Monkey
F -- friends whom we love and love us right back
G -- grapes
H -- help
I -- ideas, of the creative sort
J -- just for today
K -- kumquat, 'cause it's a fun word
L -- love
M -- my man
N -- new friends
O -- old friends, too, though I don't get to talk to you much I still love you all
P -- peanut butter squeeze packets that keep me alive while out and about with the girls
Q -- quick queen of quincy and her quacking quackeroo
R -- rest
S -- starlight
T -- Truth
U -- unbound freedom
V -- visualization
W -- web communications
X -- eXcruciatingly joyful moments
Y -- yellow shoes
Z -- zeal, living my life with it

And so it goes…away.

2010-07-05T19:36:00.001-06:00

There went the crib. The crib and changing table went off today with a soon to be new family, woodworker hobbyist and gestating wife.

I cried…a few times. The crib is a thing, a thing that can be replaced, and eventually will have to be. But it's also barely worth what we sold it for considering the rebuild The Man had to do in order to make it work as a toddler bed after our 3^rd move in 4 years. It's not worth moving it or storing it. Except for the sentimental value—Miss Monkey's baby teeth marks went with the crib you see. When I was growing up possibly too much emphasis was placed on things. The things I couldn't have, the things we were meant to keep in order for them to become heirloom. What think I'm missing is the connection that arises from an heirloom item. Heirlooms are poisoned though when not given freely, as a gift, and resentments build on both sides.

That the object holds memory is illusion. I hold memory with me, regardless if the object exists. I might even have a more distinct memory now that the object is missing. And after selling things on Craigslist for the past couple of weeks, I question whether or not the items we've sold still exist or ever did at all. The "out of sight, out of mind" factor is strong. For instance I had completely forgotten what is in the plastic moving tubs we never unpacked for this house. Do those things still hold value for me? For us? It's hard to say until we're able to cull through it all again. I'm noticing a definite thinning out of what I once thought was important and what I consider important now. Photographs from 20 years hold very little meaning, and where I once had a pathological need to photograph everything I did in case I should forget any piece of it, that's past. I only want to keep the poignant photos, the ones that I want to frame, or the ones that mark life changing events. I think this photo fix is tied into another need to remember everything exactly right, 'cause I never knew (still don't) when someone might deny an occurrence happened, or twist the reality so badly that it's unrecognizable. The problem with trying to commit life to exact memory is that everyone's perception differs considerably. Recently recounting a story with my mother, I prefaced my recall with "this is how I remember it, I don't know how you remember it, this is just how I remember it happening." Not until some recent spiritual work have I realized that my memory isn't exactly RIGHT all the time. To think that only I could remember everything the right way—what an ego! Having understanding and compassion for another's perception is a new, practiceable habit for me. Sheesh, having understanding and compassion for my own memory mishaps is a new habit, too!

Baby E will make do with a Pack n' Play for a while. Which is perfectly fine with her, I suppose, she has not shown preference as to where she sleeps. We are safe and we are blessed. We have a roof and we have food and clean water.

I look forward to the day when I can stop "making do". Thank god-the-universe for sweet baby smiles to remind me that all is well.

Where does it go?

2010-06-25T21:57:00.003-06:00

The time I mean. It seems to melt away.
Last weekend was super-busy, with the Children's Festival, then a buddy's skate party (yes, skating, as in a skating rink, like we did all the time back-in-the-day), the volunteering, and Father's Day Pie quasi-fail.

A friend of mine says that when we fall ill, it's god's way of telling us "sit down".

Okay I'm sitting. Rather, I'm flat out on my back calling for reinforcements.

A brutal cold virus just walloped us this week. Probable epidemiological epicenter of Miss Monkey. The bug spread quickly to me and immediately to The Man. We're on approximately a 1 day delay from each other. It began with sneezes and a bit of sinus issue, escalated to full scale earache extending into my cheek & jaw bones, teeth, and ended rather quietly with a 100+ degree fever punctuated with cruddy coughs that have tapered to bouts of dry hacking. At least it was fast.

I actually felt ill enough one day this week to turn on the television, PBS, and just let it run until well after lunch ([sarc] don't tell CPS, k?). Last night I acted human heating pad for Baby E's luxurious slumber---at least, until My Loving Husband picked her up and said, "my, god, Ada, take something for your fever!" I am notorious for "toughing it out" a.k.a. "suffering". Besides, usually the fever breaks before a reducer would take full effect. Yesterday, though, I'm pretty sure I had a fever for hours before I took anything, and then mainly to sleep comfortably. And sleep I did, so hard that I didn't wake immediately in order to nurse.

Baby Girl has seemingly escaped the rest of her family's fate. Wonder-Milk Super-Power! Form of Antibody, shape of Breast!

All About My Man

2010-06-20T21:40:00.001-06:00

We met in 2003 at a coffee shop. I was playing "wing (wo)man" for a friend and her Match.com date. You know, she needed an "out" in case he was creepy. There was this guy sitting at the bar with really nice arms n' shoulders, baseball cap pulled down too low to see his eyes. He drank coffee and smoked Camels. I bummed a smoke off of him, he'll say I did something untoward to get his attention—I didn't. 'Cause I had seen him move to the place I was sitting, and we smiled at each other as I was driving away, there was some deliberation at a stop light. I went back. After talking about patience, I told every silly joke I know and he knew them all. We ate Pho and saw a movie, then in very cliché fashion stayed up all night talking.

He pursued me to a degree that made me more nervous than his mere presence.

Instead of moving to Kaua'I as I had planned, I ran off to Costa Rica with him. We drove through Mexico, Matamoros to Tapachula, then took a TicaBus to San Jose. Ask us about it sometime, we'll tell you all about it. I wouldn't trade a second.

We assessed immediately where we stood spiritually, and serendipitous coincidence we agree in that realm. Since we're both raised in Texas there's already an understanding for right and wrong, Honor and Truth, manners and social protocol.

He wanted me to sit next to him in the booths we frequented, instead of across. He ordered my food for me, and he'll send it back for me if he sees I am dissatisfied.

Someone once asked me what made me decide to have kids…"He just smells so good." Originally he was the first to bring up the subject of babies, I was reluctant. I came around though.

I met my match. The man that can argue with me. He can be silly and intelligent. He makes me laugh and generally knows how to de-fuse a rampaging Ada.

No matter how mad I get, or how mad he gets, we both know we love each other. We both know also that we are inextricably linked now—if there was no going back before, there is certainly no end now.

Like an Uber Man, he's masculine enough to handle being at an all mommy birthday party.

He's goofy, tho' one mightn't know it to look at him. I've seen him do cheers.

He's a parrot, an uncanny ability to repeat almost verbatim information he finds fascinating or pertinent to modern situations.

He's physically imposing, a wonderful specimen of man.

He can fix things. Nothing sexier than seeing him with his "bags" on doing carpentry work, whether it's building stretchers for his paintings or a fence. He hates plumbing, but he'll do it when he has to. It's especially nice watching a Papa build a birdhouse with his daughter.

He's a label-whore…no really, ask him about fashion, he'll tell you himself. Well, maybe he will.

He officially became a daddy on 4 May 2006, I knew he'd make a good one too. Every time I saw small children around him, they were oddly transfixed by him.

His daddy-ness was apparent the first time Little Girl smiled at him. Watching her run to him in excitement with his simple arrival home…I relish that my daughters have a really great Papa.

We've known each other long enough now to have heard a lot of our stories twice.

The Man is a self-professed "delicate flower" and not one person at first blush would guess it's true.

He doesn't mind my pregnant-head, my nursing nods, or my mom brain…how my stories sometimes don't connect or make sense. He doesn't mind my cookie fails, or my pie- soup.

We keep making new stories together. We play off each other in social settings, making a fairly decent impromptu comedy team.

He has done his level best to keep us afloat under financial duress. He works hard enabling me to stay home full time being my best Mama-ness. At the same time he understands when I need time for myself.

He is the father of my children, I do love him so.

Happy Father's Day, Gary, I love you!